Daily Archives: September 26, 2011

Junkie

I am a junkie
I realize
as I draw the methotrexate into the syringe.
as fear grips my heart at the idea that
I won’t be able to get my drugs
as I push the air and ensuing drop
of the Etanercept
off the end of the needle

I am a junkie
I don’t get high
from my drugs of “choice”
I get nauseous
A headache
itchy and bruised
balding
and every time hopeful
That this time my fix
will chase away the swelly pain.

I am a junkie
An RA Junkie
hear my song
I live
from injection to injection
from week to week
The hope of “remission”
an elusive dream

 

see me

Do you see me
Really see me
The me I am
Not just the me I pretend to be

You see the clown
The In Your Face
The ham they voted me in high school
The activist
The colorful flag waving goof

I hide the anger
The pain,  the fear
I hide it from the world
Beneath a thin veneer.

The hurt in my eyes
in my soul
In my heart
is there for the world to see
but the clown is much easier
Safer
less you have to care

Do you see me
Do you take the time
To really look
And see what you are afraid to see.