Why Me

Okay, let me start out by saying that this in not a pity party post.  It isn’t a boohoo my life sucks post.  It is actually (at least in my own head) a very positive post.  Read into it what you will…

I never wanted to have RA.  It wasn’t on my bucket list or my to do list or my five year plan.  It wasn’t.

Hobbling into the hotel from the parking lot at Disney wasn’t on my To Do list.

Lumps and bumps and swelling and pain.  Nope, not there either.

But sometimes you get blessed with things that aren’t in your plans.

Yeah, you read it right, blessed.

There are days when I don’t look on it as a blessing.  Watching my little boy struggle with his own pain doesn’t rank up there with the better things in my days.  But at least I can understand what he is going through and try to help.

But now I have been through the last three years.  I can honestly say that I understand where people who are just going through their diagnosis’ are maybe going through. I’m not a doctor, but I do have some answers to some questions that just might help.

Over the last couple weeks, we have been traveling but I have been kind of keeping up with the goings on (thank you smartphone) on facebook and I’ve learned that a friend I’ve never actually hugged but who I have talked to over the years has a husband who has managed to fight cancer back into submission.  And the fight he’s fought so far has woken up his RA monster.  He didn’t know it was his monster, but it is.

If I hadn’t gotten my gift that keeps on giving… I wouldn’t have probably been able to understand what my kids are going through with their own pain.  I wouldn’t have answers for people who are struggling with their questions.  I wouldn’t be able to partly understand what my friend is going through with the pain and confusion and all of the mixed feelings that go along with chemotherapy.

If I didn’t understand, I might not be able to understand.  But I do, and I can.

I know there are people who dwell on the negativity of the why me.  And that is their adventure.  But for me, I think maybe I understand “Why Me”… because it needed to be me so I can be there for the people who need me to be there…

 

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2 responses to “Why Me

  1. This is one of the most inspiring blog posts about RA that I have ever read. I have been trying to understand why I was given this chronic illness and I just love the way you described it. I was given it to help other people. You have the benefit of knowing what pain your children are going through. As a social worker I will better be able to understand my clients who have chronic pain. Thank you so much for your post!

    • :) Thank you, Jess. I struggled (let’s face it, I cried and cried and cried when I found out) with all the ‘normal’ stuff… but… It is what it is. I can still do what I love (thank God) and I can help people. I’m glad the post helped you!

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