Monthly Archives: June 2010


Man… I don’t know if it is anything to do with RA or not, but I have been getting a whole new kind of headache lately… Tension headaches I SO recognize… but these are like….

They are like someone has a bright yellow balloon (yeah… I have thought about it… I and it is yellow… BRIGHT yellow) inside my head and they are slowing inflating the balloon…the pressure seems to be uniform across my whole head.  And there isn’t much that makes it “better”… I got it this morning and I’m not happy.  I have to work 13 hours today and I’m SO not looking forward to it.  The last headache like this lasted three days… I think I’m going to opt for tea at work today rather than pop… I hope something will take the edge off pretty soon…


Moody Sucks

I haven’t figured out yet what is up with being so freaking moody… but man it so totally sucks. Being up half the night because you can’t sleep because of the achies probably doesn’t help a WHOLE lot… but moody … Continue reading


The Little Things #10… On being Exactly Where You Are Supposed to Be

You have heard of those Ah-ha moments, right?  The times when you realize that someone or something has been looking out for you… that you THINK you know what is best for you but maybe you are wrong… that sometimes … Continue reading

The Little Things #9 Knowing that it matters

There are things that you KNOW (in your head you know… but sometimes you don’t really remember in your heart) that it matters… whatever it is.

Today… I was reminded in a wonderful way that it matters.

It, in my case, was just the fact that I’m there and that I take the time to BE there.  Sometimes I get caught up in getting the job done and making sure that the less important things get done… but I realized today that my kids know that, no matter what I’m doing, I make sure that I’m there when they need me, even if they only need to know that I’m there… and that knowing is enough.

It made me smile… and it made me cry… both my babies told me that it matters… just the fact that they know that if they need me, I’m there… matters to them more than they may sometimes let on.

Today, I think it was the fact that I made the doctor appointment and the fact that I answered the phone… that I transfer the poetry and quotes from facebook to the poet’s blog… that I’m there to hold her when she seizes and to talk her down when she needs despirately to dump on someone.

I know that my mom doesn’t always know (in her head maybe, but sometimes I don’t know if she knows in her heart) how much it matters that she is there, if if “there” is 1500 miles away and how much it means to me to be able to be “there” for her too.

Today… I realized more than I think almost ever how much the little things really do mean to me and how much the little things really do mean…

It matter…. when everything is gray and swelly and depressing… it matters…


30 things about my invisble illness

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know 1. The illness I live with is:rheumatoid arthritis 2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:2009 3. But I had symptoms since:2008 (at least… and that is what the … Continue reading

The Little Things #8 Smiles

You know… It’s funny… how much a smile can mean.  It doesn’t even have to be a smile directed at anyone… just a simple smile.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember how beautiful some smiles are (they are used so rarely) but when they show up they make the sun shine.

And when I can be the one to inspire the smile, it makes the whole world magical.

Poking Fun At and Making Fun Of

There is a very big difference between poking fun at someone (laughing with) and making fun of someone (laughing at).
I don’t so much mind (and will fight back at) someone poking fun at me… but when it has the distinctly irritating feeling of being laughed at… I start to get a little miffed.
Just remember… throwing stones when you live in a glass house sometimes doesn’t get you very far…

The Little Things #7… 5 Quiet Minutes

I know I managed to tick off my entire family last night… but it got to where I really just wanted 5 minutes all alone to just exist (honestly, I wanted 5 minutes to go to the bathroom)… 5 minutes that I didn’t have to be doing ANYTHING….

I realized that 5 minutes of quiet personal alone time is something that means an incredible amount but that I take for granted a lot of time… yesterday, after the stress of the last couple days… I didn’t want to have to do anything but sit for just five minutes… and I got a little testy at bed time when I got the list of “where do you want this” and “did you get this done” and “did you get that done”…

A three day headache, up at 4 am, sunburn so I haven’t been sleeping great… and achey from taxing myself the last few days… and I just wanted quiet for a few minutes… and when I pushed back I made everyone mad at me.

I didn’t mean to make them mad, but even the “did you get this done” that I was going to do for me just didn’t matter as much as not HAVING to do anything for a few minutes.

I apologize to everyone for getting bitchy about it last night… but there are just days when I realize what those five simple minutes mean…

The Little Things #6… Cold Water

Okay… so… this isn’t probably exactly the kind of “things I’m thankful for” kind of set of posts… but… well… whatever.

Today, I am most thankful for cold water… To swim in… to ease the sunburn that I ended up with yesterday… to drink on walks and after walks… to soak my tootsies in… even to soak my hat in to put it on my head.  Cold water is wonderful.

Yesterday we walked to the library in the morning.  It was a great walk… water got warm before it all got drunk, but it was wonderful walk… looking forward to similar walk this morning… when we got home I got a long cold drink and soaked in a cool (water doesn’t get cold from the tap, only cool) bath.

Amandya called when we were almost home from the walk and wanted to know if she could invite her friends to the pool… which is cool… so I went and hunted up my swim suit so I could go too (with her seizures not totally under control… I tend to be a tag-along when things like water are involved… and it turns out that I’m glad I did).  It was 98 degrees yesterday and the cold water I took to drink was good but jumping into the cool water was heavenly.

The sunburn… part if it came from the walk I have to admit… and part from swimming… part, though, from sitting beside her on the side of the pool where she was put when she was lifted out of the pool during her seizure.  Turns out it is a good thing I’m overly cautious.

Home… more cold water… another cool bath… and naproxin sodium…

It’s amazing how it feels when it slides down your throat… when it soaks your head in the heat… when it bites into the hot sweaty skin… it is way quicker to cool down than to warm up… even hot water takes longer to warm you up than cool/cold water takes to chill you down.


Trying to come to terms with methotrexate…

I hate Fridays.  I have always enjoyed Fridays… we live less than 2 miles by road… probably less than a mile as the crow flies from the Baseball park… Fridays, when they have a home game they have fireworks after … Continue reading