Monthly Archives: April 2011

The Holiday Weekend

It was quite a weekend.  I would SO much rather had not been on pager patrol for the weekend but it is what it is.
Friday I had the most horrible migraine.  Nothing sort of migraine medicine and a sleep would help.  I hate having those kind of headaches espeically when there isn’t anything I can really pin it to (like the headache I get when I don’t sleep enough or when I get dehydrated).  It was really good that work was mostly quiet on Friday and I didn’t have to think too terribly hard.  It would have been nice if I had gotten permission to work from home on Friday BEFORE Friday afternoon (sent the mail Thursday morning… I know where my mail ranks on EVERYONE’s list of “oooo… let’s read this” mails) but hey.
Saturday (Happy Birthday!!!) wasn’t too bad.  Started out by getting paged and having to work… but… hey… We went grocery shopping (got squirrel girl some GIRL shorts and some tank tops… got skinny butt boy a Runescape card… got yummy cookies… and like real food and stuff too).  I got a card from my wonderful Wyoming friend.  That made me really smile.  She is incredibly talented artist and i hope that she eventually realizes how wonderful her art is and does something with it.  She could certainly use the validation from someone, she doesn’t get it nearly often enough and she has no idea how much her art, and her friendship mean.
Oh.  And I got a perfunctory Happy Birthday text message… a surprise FaceBook message from my Sis (who NEVER EVER seems to get on the computer, which is why I treasure THIS so much) and had the most WONDERFUL chat with my mommy and my cuz that made me smile and cry and laugh and feel like I got a virtual hug.
Squirrel girl ran off with her peeps and hung with them all day.  She claimed she felt really really guilty not staying home for my birthday (and it is SO much fun to poke her about it) but even when we went to dinner out, she didn’t opt to tag along.  She and I did end up camping out in the back yard in the tent for the night, and it was wonderful to listen to the crickets and the owls and the trains.
Easter… Easter was interesting. After 3 hours working on pager patrol stuff in the morning, I hid baskets (19 year old’s was blue… 16 year old’s was white) and we had an egg hunt.  I made a movie of the egg hunt, but because she asked so nicely (and because I like to have all of my body parts intact) I opted for uploading it to YouTube and making it such that you can only watch it if you have the link.  Thought about posting the link to facebook and TECHNICALLY abiding by EXACTLY what I promised… but that would be cheating.  I would really like to edit it, though, and paste in the part where it turned into a full contact egg hunt and they were brawling over one EMPTY plastic egg…
Ham and Scalloped potatoes were yummy for dinner.
Now, it is back to work Monday.  I had a chat with the company head of IT about the fact that his kids are a lot like my kids and are older teenagers who look forward to basket hiding and egg hunts… and the fact that it means that they are great kids and that they have been raised right… they like spending time with the family and being around people who love them.  That made me smile.
Now… jasmine tea and watching to make sure that the world is safe from data inaccuriacies…

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Remind Me To Give a Darn… Please

Okay… just a heads up… I’m having a total poor me kind of day.  It didn’t start out that way.  I started out having a wonderful day.  Yesterday I was told that the doctor usually has you come back a … Continue reading

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You don’t have to wait to be chosen

I have been reading Poke The Box.  There are those at work who think that reading is… a waste of time. Everyone is waiting to get picked.  Everyone is waiting for people to tell us that it’s okay to do … Continue reading

Smiling through the Sulk.

Okay, okay, so… just when I was feeling in a definite funk, what do I get… a card from my mom that made me smile… and cry… but they were good tears.  That was the first bright spot to the day, yesterday.

Add to that… we walked down to walk squirrel girl part way home from school (she really doesn’t like to cross the big busy road by herself and I can understand her not liking to do that).  We stopped in at the pool to use the bathroom and got to chat with the lady from across the road.  She was laying on a raft in the pool, taking the weight off of her body so her surgery incisions don’t hurt so much.  She said that she still can’t sit well yet, but she is healing.  She said they had been watching (albeit, apparently, not very hard) to see how I am doing after my back injections.  It made me feel like neighbors really can be neighbors sometimes.

And today I have my follow up appointment to see how the doctor thinks I’m doing.  My leg is way better.  I’m trying to decide if the ache in my lower back is something that is always going to be there from the osteoarthritis or if will improve.  I would love to have another prescription for the pain meds that they gave me for days when it aches worse than others… I will have to ask him for that today.

I’ve been doing some digging (okay… so that isn’t a huge shock to anyone… I understand that) and it looks like there are a lot of things that are contributing to my back arthritis.  This article suggests that one of the contributing factors to this kind of arthritis is extra weight (got that one… need to now work harder on fixing that one) and another factor is having associated disease.  RA contributes to this?  Interesting.   I’m wondering how many of my newer aches and pains (back to my boo-boo wrist and the stupid radius bone in my wrist hurting the way it used to hurt… and now my weird ache in my back) are indirectly connected to my RA and the Enbrel fixing the inflammation that the immune system attack does… Sometimes (yeah, I KNOW it is better to have the RA under some kind of control… but..) I wonder if it is better or worse to have my RA pushed back so other things can be poking me…

Ah well… it is what it is.

And… Coffee is almost done brewing… and I have time to work on my book…

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Sulky

And I don’t mean the horse drawn kind… I’m trying really hard to shake the sulky… almost depressed… kind of feeling I’ve been having. We are waiting for Skinny Butt’s AutoImmune blood test results to come back to verify what … Continue reading

Warm and Sleepy

Summer has descended upon central Texas.  It has been 90 the last couple days.  There is a breeze, I can hear it out the open windows, but it doesn’t seem to be making it into the house.  I feel like napping and that is so silly because it is so warm I know I won’t be able to sleep.

Early Morning Quiet and RA Being a Blessing

Yesterday (at least yesterday morning) was a really bad time.  It really was… Everything came crashing down around my ears and all I wanted to do was cry.  Sometimes I forget things like… Dr Booth was incredibly impressed with how well my back shots did to improve my leg weakness in less than a week and how well my joints are doing on ebrel, even when I hadn’t taken it for three weeks.  I’m down to 6 involved joints.. the base of two toes on each foot and two knuckles on my right hand.  Knowing that there are things that are beyond my control that I want desperately to control in the lives of people who matter makes me feel very helpless sometimes.

Usually I can shake it off.

Not yesterday.  Yesterday was just one of those days when I just wanted to cry… and I did.

This morning, it isn’t quite so bad.  Actually, this morning I can start to wrap my mind around reality again.  This is a good thing.

I got up this morning ready to squeeze my farmville animals and trees and my cityville buildings and fields and boats… ready for a cup of coffee and to take on the world.

I had a wonderful conversation with my cousin many miles away via text messages.  I could picture him sitting listening to his rain and drinking his coffee half a country away.  Made me smile, made me homesick, made me feel like I got a virtual hug.  Thanks Andy.  I needed it.  Enjoy both your coffee and your rain.  In fact, enjoy your rain just a little bit for me too.

The other thing I did this morning was that I read the responses to a post I added to RA Warrior’s wall on facebook last night.  People there reminded me that, while RA kind of sucks.  Okay, okay… RA sucks rocks on a good day… and on a bad day… well… but it has given me perspective that I can use to support my peeps… even extending “my peeps” to include special people I’m meeting all over the world.

I am currently 17 months down my diagnosis trail.  I am over most of the “this isn’t fair”, the “why me”, the “no no no no no no”… and with the assistance of really interesting medicine, back to feeling way more like me again.  I’m planning on going to the gym today with a lady from work at lunch time again!  I’ve gotten my head around my reality.  I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking that I can actually help people deal with their new reality from a personal point of view.

That is a good thing.  Because suddenly it matters very much that I can be strong to be leaned on during a newly nearly officially diagnosed peep.  I can do this.

I don’t want to have to do this

but I can do this.