Monthly Archives: September 2011

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Fashionista…

For anyone who has ever met me… or frankly seen me anywhere at all… it is obvious that I am not a fashionista.  I could honestly give a rat’s behind what people think of how I look.  I can’t find … Continue reading

Junkie

I am a junkie
I realize
as I draw the methotrexate into the syringe.
as fear grips my heart at the idea that
I won’t be able to get my drugs
as I push the air and ensuing drop
of the Etanercept
off the end of the needle

I am a junkie
I don’t get high
from my drugs of “choice”
I get nauseous
A headache
itchy and bruised
balding
and every time hopeful
That this time my fix
will chase away the swelly pain.

I am a junkie
An RA Junkie
hear my song
I live
from injection to injection
from week to week
The hope of “remission”
an elusive dream

 

see me

Do you see me
Really see me
The me I am
Not just the me I pretend to be

You see the clown
The In Your Face
The ham they voted me in high school
The activist
The colorful flag waving goof

I hide the anger
The pain,  the fear
I hide it from the world
Beneath a thin veneer.

The hurt in my eyes
in my soul
In my heart
is there for the world to see
but the clown is much easier
Safer
less you have to care

Do you see me
Do you take the time
To really look
And see what you are afraid to see.

 

 

 

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Night Creeps In

I’m sitting on the bedroom floor. Tv turned way quiet. Blankets and my trusty afghan piled around me. I’ll bet she never dreamed those years ago when she crocheted it all together how much use it would get… How much … Continue reading

Moon Slivers

Moon Slivers
Dawn Shivers
Morning Creeps up the sky
Day comes warmly
into the world
Chasing night clouds
Away

 

 

 

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Methotrexate… Missing in Action?

It has been an interesting week to say the least. Went to my Rheumy for my every 8 week exam.  My fingers and toes are rebelling.  3 weeks without meds turned into three months of trying to get back to … Continue reading

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Up Bright And Early Again

Up and at em… Coffee (okay okay… it is last night’s coffee… but it is coffee) Tootsies are achey this morning.  This does not make me overly happy, but it is what it is.  All I can do about this … Continue reading

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Ah Elusive Sleep…

Up and not able to fall back asleep at mumblemumble o’clock in the morning… My mind races… my wrist is tender… my toes and fingers ache.  I’m thinking taking one of the post-op percocet would be wonderful, just to help … Continue reading

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Loneliness

 Loneliness Alone He sits alone Beneath the street light On the cool shiny red bench All alone But for the netbook cradled close In the lonely hours before the dawn He scavenges the bits and bytes From the library wifi … Continue reading

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On Accessibility

There is a great deal being said in many places (I think a lot of lip service) about accessibility. Wikipedia suggests that   “Accessibility is a general term used to describe the degree to which a product, device, service, or … Continue reading