Okay… so here I am again. I’m not at my (Squirrel Girl’s) favorite bench (picnic table) because THAT one was taken… but I’m only one table away, so that isn’t bad. It is still shady and quiet. I’m listening to … Continue reading
Monthly Archives: August 2012
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So… I’m sitting under a tree, feeling the breeze on my face and in my hair (what there is of it) and watching the kids who are my daughter’s classmates in some form or another pass me by. I’m listening … Continue reading
I’ve been cleaning. I’m not quite half way done with the task and I’ve been at it all weekend… but it has been an almost fun adventure. The cleaning has been interspersed with preparations for the upcoming school year (tomorrow … Continue reading
So… Here I sit… blog in hand… thinking. Thinking about the messages that we hear from the time that we are young and what those messages teach us. Last night I talked to my Dassie Girl a long time about … Continue reading
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So, my determined little Dassie Girl (who has taken to liking Dassie girl more than squirrel girl all of a sudden… I think because it sounds neat, and we know what a Dassie is and they are cute) crept slowly … Continue reading
So… here I am, faced with my ultimate dilema. I’m starting to feel human again. I can make decent tme on my walk. I can feel like getting out and pushing again. I am looking forward (deranged individual that I … Continue reading
So, here I sit. I’m tired, but the world is crawling around in my brain. So here I sit, Tomorrow I go see my Rheumy for the first time since I was sent for my MRI. The first time I … Continue reading
It was so quiet this morning. Crickets, owls, and just a little bit of traffic. Into the dark, into the quiet.
It was a fast walk… 1.7 miles out and 1.7 miles back. I was going to do the big circle, but there aren’t nearly enough lights in the park at o’dark thirty to make me feel even halfway safe, so after a quick drink next to the pool, I turned around and retraced my steps.
Lion King and songs from the 60s kept me company.
By the time I got back to nearly home, I was cooling down to Yoga Walk. Hair dripping sweat down my back. Hobbit Feet feeling the road. Stretching and listening to the quiet…
I feel sore but the shower helped… Eggs for breakfast… coffee and water… and… I can so do this again… which makes me feel amazingly good right now
It’s Sunday August 5th. I’ve gotten past my one week post-op appointment with flying colors. The pathology report came back on the tumor and all of the removed structures and everything was benign. So, I can start to feel better and I can go back to training for the Austin Half Marathon. I missed last year because of my back. I want SO bad to do it again this coming February. Knowing that I may be physically pffft but physically fit enough to do 13.1 miles in under 4 hours clock time… well under 4 hours chip time keeps proving something to myself.
So here I am… curled up on my bed thinking about my training plan. I’m drinking my water and thinking that maybe I need to splice in some black coffee mornings rather than morning with coffee with cream or iced coffee cream and sugar. I know the extra calories won’t amount to much but mentally there is a difference.
I went looking this afternoon for the shirt I want. This year I’m buying it.
If found on ground please drag across finish line
Adam thinks it suits me very much. I think he’s right.
I’m torn… I like the other one (God, please let there be at least one person behind me to read this) but I think the Drag me Across the finish line suits me better. Of course, I like the one that says “The miracle isn’t that I finished, it is that I had the courage to start”… because really that’s true.
I know that the kids and I will go into Austin alone. Every year on Marathon weekend, bear gets sick and can’t go… He’s never seen me cross the finish line. I don’t know if he knows how much that bothers me or not.
I know that I’m doing this for me… only for me. I know that no one that I pass will understand that I have RA or what the half represents to me. I know that there are a lot of other people there that are fighting their own battles and they are fighting even harder than I am. But I’m fighting my battle with myself and I know that I can do it. No one understands why I have to do this, no one ever does… but it matters to me. It is the one thing that I do where I have only myself to rely on (myself and last time Jimmy Buffett…wonder who I will race to this time).
I know that I won’t run. I won’t even jog. I will walk every step of the way. I will walk each and every one of those steps this time in my hobbit feet. Those shoes have seen me through a lot, they are now a part of my definition of myself. They have brought me into many conversations that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. This year they will see me across the finish line.
I may not be the fastest, and I may have to start at the end of the pack and take an entire half hour to cross the starting line, but I can walk every step of the way and I can enjoy the experience. This year, I carry my waterproof camera every step of the way and chronicle my training and my race.