Monthly Archives: January 2013


On the Week of Coming Out

No, not me.  My baby boy.  But, as anyone who doesn’t live their life in a vacuum, the act of coming out as gay doesn’t affect only the person who is actually doing the coming out.  It effects everyone. But how … Continue reading

The Eve of Distruction

Well, technically, the eve of the spring semester for the kids at college, but you know… it all kind of seems like the same thing.

Mondays and Wednesdays are going to be an adventure.  Two different campuses, with work about 33% of the way between the two campuses.  Drop Squirrel Girl at campus 1 at 7, Drop Skinny Butt at the bus stop a mile or so from work, work, make sure Adam gets to the bus stop by 4, hopefully leave work at 4 (pager week this week… I REALLY hope I don’t run late) pick him up on the way up to pick her up then home.

Neither of them is going to have a great Monday/Wednesday either.  He has absolutely no time between classes.  She has ten minutes down time between 8 am and 4:30 pm.  She is going to have to carry her book back pack as well as her camera bag backpack.  It’s going to be a long semester.  BUT I think it is going to be kind of an exciting semester!  I’m looking forward to what the semester brings.  Wonderful new pictures, boosted self confidence for them both.  I think it will be a good spring.

Something tells me that supper time twice a week is going to be kind of late and very  “inhale everything that isn’t nailed down”.

It’s my Self-pity-party and I’ll whine if I want to

Am I REALLY that weird?

And before my kids (on the off chance that either of them actually read this) have a chance to chime in, yeah, I realize that I’m really kind of that weird in MOST ways… but… am I REALLY that out of the norm?

I don’t think I am because I’ve talked to people at work who are “like me” and they are a lot like me.

I have RA.  Duh…
I hurt (big shock there).  Some days more than others.  Some days really nearly approach what I can remember (from half a decade ago… when normal might have been).  Some days it really is like someone poured crushed glass into my joints.  Most days I ache but I can take enough of the edge off to not let it rule my life.

Thank heavens that I’m not disabled… at least not yet.

I have days when it depresses the crap out of me.  Again… duh…

But as a general rule, I figure dwelling on the why me… being debbie downer… why waist what energy I do have on being whiny about it?  They say it takes fewer muscles to smile than frown.  Fewer muscles, less work.  Logic dictates that means that if I smile (even if I don’t FEEL like smiling) it is less work.

Shutting up is less work than bitching.

If I can lose myself in music (irrespective of what the music is that I chose) then I’m losing myself and not getting upset.

I understand that there are times when you really just need to dump on people who understand.  Hell, sometimes you just need to dump, it doesn’t matter if it is on someone who understands or not…  but I just don’t understand how can anyone spend so much time dwelling on the worst part of their lives?

Maybe I am that weird.  I know that when I’m in the middle of a flair, I TOTALLY don’t feel like being mary sunshine.  But I keep remembering… Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are usually right

Why Me

Okay, let me start out by saying that this in not a pity party post.  It isn’t a boohoo my life sucks post.  It is actually (at least in my own head) a very positive post.  Read into it what you will…

I never wanted to have RA.  It wasn’t on my bucket list or my to do list or my five year plan.  It wasn’t.

Hobbling into the hotel from the parking lot at Disney wasn’t on my To Do list.

Lumps and bumps and swelling and pain.  Nope, not there either.

But sometimes you get blessed with things that aren’t in your plans.

Yeah, you read it right, blessed.

There are days when I don’t look on it as a blessing.  Watching my little boy struggle with his own pain doesn’t rank up there with the better things in my days.  But at least I can understand what he is going through and try to help.

But now I have been through the last three years.  I can honestly say that I understand where people who are just going through their diagnosis’ are maybe going through. I’m not a doctor, but I do have some answers to some questions that just might help.

Over the last couple weeks, we have been traveling but I have been kind of keeping up with the goings on (thank you smartphone) on facebook and I’ve learned that a friend I’ve never actually hugged but who I have talked to over the years has a husband who has managed to fight cancer back into submission.  And the fight he’s fought so far has woken up his RA monster.  He didn’t know it was his monster, but it is.

If I hadn’t gotten my gift that keeps on giving… I wouldn’t have probably been able to understand what my kids are going through with their own pain.  I wouldn’t have answers for people who are struggling with their questions.  I wouldn’t be able to partly understand what my friend is going through with the pain and confusion and all of the mixed feelings that go along with chemotherapy.

If I didn’t understand, I might not be able to understand.  But I do, and I can.

I know there are people who dwell on the negativity of the why me.  And that is their adventure.  But for me, I think maybe I understand “Why Me”… because it needed to be me so I can be there for the people who need me to be there…