Monthly Archives: August 2013


So… since I’ve been going to the gym… I’ve been hungry more normally and I’ve been eating breakfast.  This morning… onion, pepper, hot dog and cheese omelet… complete with salsa (I live in Texas… Salsa goes on everything…

omelet fixings almost done Complete with Salsa


Whining and Kvetching

I just had a nice little chat (is it called a chat if you are talking over text message?) with a friend of mine.  We used to work together and periodically we chat.  For the longest time (a couple years) … Continue reading

On Disappointing People

So, I’m listening to “motivational” YouTube videos on half marathon running and finishing.  The one I’m listening to right now suggests that you “put it out there” and “share it with people” because then you will really do it because you don’t want to let people down.

Don’t take this wrong, please, but… no offense, it isn’t letting other people down that worries me.  It’s letting ME down that worries me.  I don’t intend to let me (or anyone) down, and given that I’m hearing a lot about how much I probably won’t finish and everyone has SO many doubts that I will make it without getting swept… I have a lot of negative press to overcome. But… we shall overcome and I will cross and medal.

I need to listen to these more often.  They are awesome!  Seeing what to expect at key points along the way is getting me really excited.  The Magic Kingdom right about sunrise?  Oh man…  I know that they try to keep the hype up for the Austin Half, but I don’t know how you can ever hope to out-hype the Disney World Half Marathon… This is enough to keep me focussed and training and keeping my nose to grindstone!

Given that I’m training on my own and this race I know I will REALLY be doing on my own, this motivation is helping.

Tuesday I ‘ran’ 2 miles at lunch time at the gym.  Wednesday I bicycled 7 miles at lunch time.  I love the gym.  I’m fixing to love the gym even more!!!

I went to the second hand store today at lunch time (yay payday) and I found some awesome cool stuffed animals (Stitchy for Amandya, Donald for Adam… and a Disney Animal Kingdom Hippo for me) but I also founf a pair of sweats that are almost (almost) exactly the color of Figment.  I don’t know if I will be using these pants for the half or if they are going to wear out completely before hand.  But… I found a pair.  I’m going to keep looking for a pair I like, but for now, these will do.  I can train in them to keep my spirits up.  I may forgo wearing the Figment hat in Gold’s, though.  I feel like enough of a freak without having everyone laughing at me.

Why does EVERYONE look at themselves in the mirror?  I mean, really?  I understand people with weights wanting to make sure that they are doing it right, I guess.  But I’m talking about spending the whole time watching themselves.  And not just like… Oh hey… there I am… or even… wow my hair really sucks when I’m sweaty… They stare at themselves ALL the time.  Okay, you’re gorgeous.  Yes, your form with the jumprope is AMAZING.  And you seem incredibly vain and self absorbed.

I keep trying to convince myself I’m not stark raving loony… I have to be crazy to be taking a chance on a race where I could actually get swept.  The moritication of having speant an obscene amount of money on a race that I may not ever finish.  It’s bad enough to be doing the race in Austin where I could be dragging my butt on the sidewalk long after they reopen the roads.  But… I could get swept and never finish.  I would cry so hard if I get swept.  I hope I get so carried away by everything that I just go and go and go.

I’m pulling together a list of songs for my playlist.  This morning I realized that I really need to add in the Owl City song from Wreck It Ralph.  It might not be Disney but it is a good song anyway.

Allergy Shot Day

There is something incredibly weird about sitting with a half dozen other people in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, everyone typing madly on their laptops. The only sound, the nurse calling the next victim, the almost imperceptible click of laptop keys, and the AC keeping us all from suffocation. And every hour the bells of one of the nearby churches. It makes for a really nice backdrop.
Thirty minutes later… lather, rinse, repeat.
We are bonded by our need for the shots. The need to not want to scratch our eyes out of our head. The need to be able to easily pull our next breath. I wonder at my fellow peeps’s (that is SO not a word) reason for being here. Do they have a cat that lays on their head all night? What weirdness do they have as their affliction? Goodness only knows.
One leaves
Another comes and takes his place.
There is something really awesome about a doctor’s office that thinks enough of its patients to provide WIFI access to them. And there is something to be said for the fact that I can sit here and be at work all at the same time and not have to take a Paid Time Off day for every day that I need to take three or four hours for shots.
I’m betting most of my fellow trap-ees have cedar allergies. It seems like EVERYONE here does.
I hope, when I’m done with my five (wait… five in each arm… ten) shots today are done, I will feel like stopping at Gold’s and working out… I need to get ready for the Disney Half. I need to lose sixty pounds. I need to feel even more human again. I’m really liking this feeling better stuff that I have going on right now. I keep thinking that I really like the feeling and I really REALLY don’t want to jinx it by thinking that I really like the feeling.
Should I be honest and tell them I forgot to take my antihistamine? Nah… I brought the epipen so I should be reasonably good… and I can take benedryl when I get home.
I wonder how telling it is that I really am starting to not notice shots so much any more. Sometimes I get black and blue marks from my methotrexate shots. Occasionally they hurt. Usually not really so much. I hardly notice them. Now these? I feel the pinch. It really isn’t even as much as a mosquito bite. I still feel the infusions… No matter how good Keiko is about them, I feel them. Sometimes they hurt. Usually, I just feel them for a bit.
Yesterday, I told my boss (and my team mates) that I would be doing this today. I seem to be a running joke, at work. I’m a walking pharmacy. Yeah… I guess I am. And I have entirely too much knowledge and understanding of what all is going on in my body and the bodies of my family. Sometimes I get a little bent at being laughed at… but other times I realize that there is a reason I’m going through this crap and there are people who I have been able to help and to talk to who have had an easier time of it because I know and I understand. I’m not entirely sure what that makes me, but… if I can help one, and that one can help one, then maybe a few people will have an easier time.
Whatever it is, and whatever it takes… I really like how I’m starting to feel… There are times when I forget what it is like to feel really good, to feel like I’m human and like I really probably can finish the Disney Half and not get swept. And when I do, I know I will want to do it all again in 2015… this time with my daughter!
It really is all a trade off… and it really is just a matter of being Dory and just keep swimming swimming swimming… and only boing off of the little jellyfish (and making a pet of squishy).

GOOD Sunday morning!

I found my pacing strategy for the race. Given that I’m walking the race, I will be shooting, in training at least, for 170 – 180 bpm. I may not get quite there, but that is my goal. I found that as my goal in the page where this pace chart is.


LEVEL 1: VERY INACTIVE: 80-100 steps per minute = 2 mph (30 minute mile)
LEVEL 2: LIGHTLY ACTIVE: 120 steps per minute = 3 mph (20 minute mile)
LEVEL 3: MODERATELY ACTIVE: 130 steps per minute = 3.5 mph (17-18 minute mile)
LEVEL 4: ACTIVE: 140 steps per minute = 4 mph (15 minute mile)
LEVEL 5: VERY ACTIVE: 150 steps per minute = 4.3 mph (14 minute mile)
LEVEL 6: EXCEPTIONALLY ACTIVE: 160 steps per minute = 4.6 mph (13 minute mile)
LEVEL 7: ATHLETE: 170 steps per minute = 5 mph (12 minute mile)
LEVEL 8: ATHLETE: 180 steps per minute = 5.5 mph (11 minute mile)
LEVEL 9: ATHLETE: 190 steps per minute = 6.0 mph (9-10 minute mile) 


Then I went to my favorite training music place and downloaded a few training mixes to start at the gym. Distance, I will use my Disney mix. But getting my speed up, I will use the intervals that I’ve relied on before.  Podrunner really does rock and has seen me through trying to get healthy before.  It won’t fail me!

I snagged the first three “slow” mixes this morning. 125 bpm – 130 bpm for my first week… maybe my first two weeks… at the gym.

Research and reading and a pager week weekend of thinking has me waffling between ” I must be crazy. I’m too heavy. I am not sure I won’t be flaring. There are too many what if’s” and ” Hell yes, I can do this”. I am leaning to the Hell yes.

Looking Forward to Training and Finally Feeling Human

I’m finally starting to feel human. It’s been a long couple weeks. My infection is gone and the incision to drain same is healing. My “the cat came back from the kennel” allergy attack is a not so fond memory. My fungal infection is clearing up. And… I’m sleeping again.

Feeling human is good.

I’m enjoying a quiet cup of coffee… my gym bag is packed for Gold’s (tomorrow? Monday? Not sure). I bought a lock… and have planned my purple outfit (figment purple) for the race. I have my hat all ready to go. Am I too excited given it is about 136 days away? Probably. But… this time I have a real goal and I know I can do it. I have to. It matters.

I got my bag of trading pins today. I rooted through them and found a ladybug pin with Mickey Mouse head spots. There were other wicked cool ones. Figment ones. Duffy ones. But… since I’m bug lady and since ladybugs are a “thing” with me… this seemed to be a positive omen. I’m going to put it on my RunDisney lanyard (thank you Ebay) that should be here in a few days and use it as a motivational tool.

I keep trying to hunt things like… blogs… and stuff about people who have done the race and people who have trained for the race. I can’t find anything that really speaks to me yet. But I keep trying. I keep thinking that if I can do this (especially with RA) other people surely should too.

SO… here’s to the end of a busy Saturday… lemon water and quiet… and a song in my heart!


The Souls of my Feat

I’ve seen several takes on ‘The Soul<s> of my Shoes’ lately.  On tumblr and wordpress and lots of places.  It started me thinking (and reading) and more thinking… Looking at pictures of where my feet have been… thinking of where … Continue reading

Training thoughts… Disney Half Marathon 2014

I am fighting a fungal infection, a nasty cyst that needed to be lanced that is trying hard to drain, and getting my brain back into the groove of being “normal” again.  So, right now, I’m not really working much towards lowering weight or anything, but raising my water intake and getting my health stable again.
The doctor is happy that I’m healing so well with the new antibiotics and I haven’t had a pain pill in 24 hours so the end of the tunnel is in sight.
I signed up, yesterday, for a Gold’s Gym membership.  I am going to start training in a more logical and practical way here in the next couple days (as soon as I don’t want to scratch a few inches of skin off).  In the mean time, I’m really starting to think that I can do this, I can finish Disney and not get swept and still have a really special vacation.
I know that I really need to start doing something for me.  I’m starting to stress a LOT because I’m up till midnight answering questions and fixing problems and up at 5 answering questions and fixing problems and if I don’t soon start trying to do SOMETHING just for me, I’m going to start throwing things.  I can feel it starting to creep up under my skin.
You can sleep
HEY… why are you awake
answer this
you can sleep
HEY… what is this
answer this
you can sleep
……. sigh… Times like this I really wish I could be like everybody else…

Finally Feeling Human!!!

So, here I sit.  Disney Christmas Music playing on YouTube and the smell of a gas station hot dog eminating from my coworker’s desk making me feel like I want to vomit.  I finished my third glass of water (this one with FIZZ grapefruit electrolyte replacement in it).  I think now is a great time to pull together my “holy crap it’s getting to be nearly time to worry” post for the Disney Half Marathon.

For starters, I’ve been preaching at Amandya to work on HER blog about her volunteer teaching in South Africa helping work through things in her mind and through planning and passing the time.  I guess practicing what I preach is probably a good idea.

I signed up, today, at work to join our company partially funded Gold’s Gym Membership.  It’s probably still more expensive than I should be really doing all things considered, but it is close to work (and frankly close to everywhere) so I can run over at lunch, even when I’m on pager patrol, and get in some workout time.

It won’t be all of the training that I need, but it will certainly help.  I know having that helped before and I know it can’t hurt.  It’s horribly warm out when I can be out walking at lunch and I don’t want to make myself sick.

This trip was kind of stressing me out a little before.  When I signed up, I thought I wouldn’t care so much that I was going to have to deal with the adventure on my own.  I was wrong.  I was stressing.  Being ALONE with a half marathon half a country away from anything resembling people or places of home… not the best feeling in the world.  And the advice to try to get people who were from around here to admit to running Disney was an even bigger joke.

Now, though, it looks like this is going to be an incredibly wonderful trip.  We are not only all going, as a family, we are making it an extended family adventure and taking grandkids and all kinds of stuff along with us.  It’s going to be a truly magical adventure.

I’m actually feeling like I’m going to be up for this challenge because I’m looking forward to it so much.  I’m determined to make this a magical adventure for the kids (big and smallish) and bringing really lasting memories to everyone.