I’ve been, honestly, fighting with this post for days. I’m not sure how it makes me feel most of the time. It is just there, kind of, hiding in the background. Being my shadow… or maybe I’m its shadow… I’m not really sure…
The last couple days it has been making me feel scared. Scared enough to go shopping for a different rheumatologist, scared enough to get angry with the people who I have had to deal with on the phone, scared enough to be vocal.
Not that being vocal is anything new for me… or anything different. I’m just not usually this vocal about things when it comes to me. I usually just allow the doctors to be the doctors. They have gone to school for a lot of years to be who they are and where they are. This time I just want them to listen to me… and I really don’t think that is too much to ask.
How does it make me feel?
It’s been five years. It makes me feel like me. Some days I hurt. Some days I don’t really hurt so much. Today… Today, it makes me feel like it is Thursday and the weekend is only two days away.