And… Just Like That… Normal…

Sitting on the porch in my hoodie listening to the birds come awake with their songs trying to keep my head from completely exploding.

It’s not working.

Saturday I got a letter from The Hartford (the company that we pay to process the ADA paperwork for not going back to the office when only 41% of the people in my county are fully vaccinated) saying that my work from home was permanent. So I asked HR what exactly permanent meant… permanent for 30 60 90 days or what the paperwork actually says permanent permanent. They told me that, despite my ruling that work from home is permanent, The Hartford is wrong and they are re-examining what my doctor’s paperwork REALLY meant and I guess at some point I will be made aware of which day exactly my ADA is done and I have to join the throngs of people streaming back into work.

Few hours later the edict came out that it’s going to be business as usual and they are taking away the elevator restrictions, the cafeteria restrictions, the meeting room restrictions June 2 but are keeping for a couple more weeks the restriction on EVERYONE flooding back in to work. Masks are no longer required (effective immediately for fully vaccinated and everyone if they decide they don’t want to wear one) but if you choose to wear one no one is allowed to make fun of you… yeah, that’s going to work… July 12 everyone will be welcomed back to the offices. It would be nice if everyone were to be vaccinated but that is only kind of a suggestion and not a requirement… but you can pack a dozen people into the elevator knowing that at least 7, statistically, are currently not fully vaccinated. I will need to figure out what stairwell will be open to take the stairs… and I will likely start losing weight again because I work on the 17th floor.

They are working on a flexible working policy. Sometime next week we will probably be made aware of what that is going to mean. I know that I will have to go back to working at work at some level. And I miss my boats. But knowing that I will have to go back to “normal” at some point… whatever my normal will look like… is one thing. Knowing that people who have been vaccinated fully (nurses at the facility where a friend of mine works) have been getting COVID anyway is scary. Knowing that, at best, people like me (on immunosupressants) are likely 65% covered according to my Rheumy is scary. Knowing that Rheumy said that COVID will be around forever like the flu and that there will be flu shots and COVID shots and pneumonia shots like there are flu and pneumonia shots now and that they are already working on the fall booster for the shots we already have taken kind of helps my head a little but only a little because I know an awful lot of people don’t get their flu shots now and if COVID keeps having so many variants what is that going to mean for forever. Knowing that I will join many of my friends and some of my family in always having a mask with me and wearing it when I’m in close proximity to other people… indoors a lot because of HVAC and people and that there will be people who make fun of me for it is kind of sobering.

It’s been nice only having to deal with seasonal allergies for the past 16 months. No cold… no flu…

So I sit here and enjoy the morning as long as I can… knowing that I will need to address reality as soon as reality hits. I have a race in 12 days… and in person race… and with the new CDC suggestions I don’t know what that is going to look like now. It was supposed to be staggered start times. It was supposed to be okay-ish. But what now?

Fully vaccinated people can go back to life as normal… not washing hands so much… no 6 feet of separation… no masks… but no one will ever have to prove that they have had even one vaccine let alone both of them. How many people will continue to get the vaccine if suddenly everything is back to normal anyway? There are an awful lot of people who have already said they won’t be getting the vaccine but are waiting for herd immunity. There are an awful lot of people who don’t wear masks correctly now and will suddenly not have to wear them at all.

I know that the best I can do is the best I can personally do for myself and my household… but… fear is kind of sobering… and I don’t get any more panic attack pills because Bear died 214 days ago so I don’t need them any more.

And sitting here… birds singing… woodpeckers finding their breakfast… sun coming slowly up… these are the things going through my mind. Not just now what… but… NOW What…

Breathe in
Breathe out
One day at a time
and buy a metric ass ton of hand sanitizer…

Love and Light
AprilJoy
5/18/2020