Uncertainty

Let me start by saying that I hate paying $6 every time I have to go for an Orencia infusion. I know it is a little thing, but parking, in general, irritates me a lot. I also hate knowing that they bill almost 10,000 a month for my office call, chair rental, infusion center rental, soda crackers and cranberry juice. I’m REALLY counting on what the insurance company saying being true… that after I hit $3500 out of pocket, I won’t have to pay any more the rest of the year. Except for prescriptions, those come out of a different company and a different bucket (and SO don’t get me started there).
I don’t like knowing that the Intercontinental hotel is DIRECTLY attached to my clinic. That tells me that it is probably billing way more than is absolutely necessary.
All that said, I messaged my Dr through the online thing, and she called me back to talk. She asked that I call her, asked that I just stop in her office, asked that I call her to follow up and asked again today that I call her on Monday. This is a doctor that has crappy ratings in the rate your doctor thingys.
The place is expensive, but… She listens… I miss Dr Booth incredibly. I love her sense of humor and the fact that she always remembers everything about everyone in my family. But Dr Gota cares. She might not care the way other doctors show it… or the way some patients think she should, but she’s very matter of fact and to the point and she follows up. She uses the computer for her records and takes copious notes, but when it comes time to be poking and prodding, she does that just fine.
I don’t always like the look on her face. I certainly don’t always like being sent for x-rays and blood work. But we have ruled out that anything is broken and we know that I waited long enough for my diagnosis that I already have significant wearing in the joints. But we know. And knowing is half the battle.
I’m looking at being able, in the next couple months, to change to a more local (and a not pay to park) rheumy. But I’m not entirely sure that’s what I want. I don’t like the cost. I don’t like being slapped in the face with some of the reasons why the cost is what it is. But… I like her. I think I want to stay anyway.
The decisions that I know I have to make because I have to be comfortable with my care because it is for a long long time, but I have to think, too, about all of the cost… what to do, what to do…
That is part of my uncertainty today.