So, this morning started our new, new normal (for now). Friday, Bear was walking the mall and found the pet store. It’s kind of an iffy, shady pet store, but it’s a pet store. The store has been there for … Continue reading →
My dogs seem to enjoy going for walkies. They enjoy it a lot. Unfortunately, the last several days have been either dumping down rain or 92+ degrees in the later afternoon when we usually go for a walk, after I … Continue reading →
Why is it that people who RUN run (you know the really fast ones… the ones who actually GET the water at the water stop in the 5k before they run out of bottles… the ones who finish in the … Continue reading →
Sitting at my desk in the quiet. Windows are open (only one day did we need the AC so far this year… it’s almost JULY and the windows are still wide open) and I’m listening to the rain. I’m so … Continue reading →
Good morning (or good whatever it is where you are when you read this). It’s a quiet morning. I needed this morning more than I realized. For the first time in a while I feel centered and calm. Coffee has … Continue reading →
So… Has anyone read this book? Run The Mile You’re In??? Listening to it today. It’s not the book I thought I was reading. It’s not the book I need to be reading. It’s not the book that I thought … Continue reading →
I’ve been struggling. I have been really really struggling lately. I’ve been struggling with health… physical health… mental health… struggling… I have a race in just over a week. I have not been training. I have not really (up until … Continue reading →
It’s been a really rough month. It’s been a kind of awesome month too. It’s been long. My surgery went well and the lump that was on my elbow went away with the surgery. I healed and the 2 week … Continue reading →
Today is hard. Today marks exactly one month since my silly Bichon, Peanut, crossed the rainbow bridge. I know she isn’t hurting any more. I know she can see perfectly again and she can eat all of the nummy white bits of dog food that she hadn’t been able to eat is years and years. She’s free and playing like she hadn’t played since she was a young pup. I know she’s okay now. She knows she is loved… that she was always loved… that she was the bestest dog there ever was.
I miss her so much. I talk to her all the time. Her footfalls haunt the house.
The day she died was the 5k at Disney. The next day I ran the 10k because I could not let her have died alone and far away in vain. The next… 10 half marathon. I talked to her the whole race. I carried her puppy collar. It was an amazingly good and an amazingly hard race. But I did it.
And we came home. We came home to a very lost cat (his best friend was gone) and a very quiet house.
And we went to the SPCA and adopted… Goofy.
We went from a too fat Bichon who topped out at 22 pounds to a Mountain Cur Chocolate Lab mix (Goofy) who might go anywhere from 60 to 90 pounds by the time he is done growing. He’s almost 5 months old. He’s 46 pounds as of two minutes ago. BIG difference. And he has stopped wanting to use the cat as a squeaky toy.
But the house is less quiet.
Early March… elbow surgery. Now my weird bump is gone. I have a snazzy scar. I know it was only ganglion cyst. Life goes on.
It’s been 7 weeks today since my last infusion. I hurt. I’m emotionally flakey. I’m achey and exhausted and I’m very very ready for my infusion. By early next week (just in time for puppy pictures with the Easter Bunny) I will be able to start back to running. I am looking forward to starting to run with my new running buddy. He will need to learn to run with my intervals. I will need to change my intervals to help him learn.
I have started using Goofy as weight training. We put him in his crate at bed time every night. 46 pounds of lifting and carrying. When we do walkies, he pulls, usually pretty hard. I’m doing some funky weight training.
And today is a month to the day. I don’t know if I will ever be able to watch the Lion King show at Animal Kingdom ever again. I was sitting in the lion section in the front row when I got the call. But life goes on. And Peanut taught me so much in both life and in death. She has helped me and taught me and in my heart festooned with paw prints, she lays curled up and sleeping.
Today, I get my infusion. I can stop hurting and being exhausted and on the verge of tears every second. And life can not only go on, but get into a new rhythm of normal.
This morning, I’m having a huge problem getting through my morning. While we were at Disney World, our beloved Peanut passed and now waits at the rainbow bridge.
It was out of nowhere
it was not completely unexpected
We bought her four incredible years with her emergency Bladder Stone surgeries two consecutive March’s. But she was on special food to keep her functioning the best she could. There were no nummy white bits.
She had arthritis. She took carprofin twice a day every day for the last few years.
She was nearly blind with cataracts.
She was 12.
We made sure that she knew she was loved beyond belief and that she was a good girl. I know she was not alone when she crossed the rainbow bridge. The Vet Tech’s that loved her almost as much as we did were with her from the time that they realized that she was in complete renal failure. They worked hard to keep her body going until we got home from Disney. Six days was going to be a long long time. She fought a good fight. But she died on Feb 22 at 10:56 am. I got the call while we were in the Lion King show at Animal Kingdom.
I will never forget where I was when I got the call from the vet that she was in renal failure. I will never forget where I was when I learned that she died.
I get the lessons (at least part of the lessons) that I’m supposed to be learning here. I’m learning how to cope with grief. I’m learning how to cope with grief so deep that it chokes. I get it… sort of.
This morning is so hard.
I hear her nails click on the kitchen floor. I hear her sigh. I hear the thump of her fat butt coming down the stairs. I look to make sure that I don’t step out of bed and step on her when I get up.
We had her cremated. Her box is sitting on my writing desk. Her urn is beneath my computer. I have ashes in a necklace that I wear.
We rescued a Mountain Cur mix when we got home from Disney. He gives me something to fixate on. He is my early morning walking/running buddy. He will help keep me from gaining the weight back. Goofy is a good boy. He’s an enormous puppy (40 pounds at about 5 months old) and he’s working to learn how to live in this crazy household. He’s a good boy. But the void left by Peanut is massive.
Squirrel worries that Peanut will think we are trying to replace her. I talk to her every day. I know she still knows she is loved. I know that she knows that there is no replacing her in our hearts.
Miss you wiggle pig love and light April March 10, 2019