On Disappointing People

So, I’m listening to “motivational” YouTube videos on half marathon running and finishing.  The one I’m listening to right now suggests that you “put it out there” and “share it with people” because then you will really do it because you don’t want to let people down.

Don’t take this wrong, please, but… no offense, it isn’t letting other people down that worries me.  It’s letting ME down that worries me.  I don’t intend to let me (or anyone) down, and given that I’m hearing a lot about how much I probably won’t finish and everyone has SO many doubts that I will make it without getting swept… I have a lot of negative press to overcome. But… we shall overcome and I will cross and medal.

I need to listen to these more often.  They are awesome!  Seeing what to expect at key points along the way is getting me really excited.  The Magic Kingdom right about sunrise?  Oh man…  I know that they try to keep the hype up for the Austin Half, but I don’t know how you can ever hope to out-hype the Disney World Half Marathon… This is enough to keep me focussed and training and keeping my nose to grindstone!

Given that I’m training on my own and this race I know I will REALLY be doing on my own, this motivation is helping.

Tuesday I ‘ran’ 2 miles at lunch time at the gym.  Wednesday I bicycled 7 miles at lunch time.  I love the gym.  I’m fixing to love the gym even more!!!

I went to the second hand store today at lunch time (yay payday) and I found some awesome cool stuffed animals (Stitchy for Amandya, Donald for Adam… and a Disney Animal Kingdom Hippo for me) but I also founf a pair of sweats that are almost (almost) exactly the color of Figment.  I don’t know if I will be using these pants for the half or if they are going to wear out completely before hand.  But… I found a pair.  I’m going to keep looking for a pair I like, but for now, these will do.  I can train in them to keep my spirits up.  I may forgo wearing the Figment hat in Gold’s, though.  I feel like enough of a freak without having everyone laughing at me.

Why does EVERYONE look at themselves in the mirror?  I mean, really?  I understand people with weights wanting to make sure that they are doing it right, I guess.  But I’m talking about spending the whole time watching themselves.  And not just like… Oh hey… there I am… or even… wow my hair really sucks when I’m sweaty… They stare at themselves ALL the time.  Okay, you’re gorgeous.  Yes, your form with the jumprope is AMAZING.  And you seem incredibly vain and self absorbed.

I keep trying to convince myself I’m not stark raving loony… I have to be crazy to be taking a chance on a race where I could actually get swept.  The moritication of having speant an obscene amount of money on a race that I may not ever finish.  It’s bad enough to be doing the race in Austin where I could be dragging my butt on the sidewalk long after they reopen the roads.  But… I could get swept and never finish.  I would cry so hard if I get swept.  I hope I get so carried away by everything that I just go and go and go.

I’m pulling together a list of songs for my playlist.  This morning I realized that I really need to add in the Owl City song from Wreck It Ralph.  It might not be Disney but it is a good song anyway.

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