Up and trying to get some writing done. Trying to finish my arm warmers. Trying to stay psyched for the race. I sit here and nurse my coffee, gulp my water and thank goodness that, for this morning at least, … Continue reading
Tag Archives: motivation
The article I was interviewed for about infusions and what I do on infusion days is now online!!! 🙂
So, I’m listening to “motivational” YouTube videos on half marathon running and finishing. The one I’m listening to right now suggests that you “put it out there” and “share it with people” because then you will really do it because you don’t want to let people down.
Don’t take this wrong, please, but… no offense, it isn’t letting other people down that worries me. It’s letting ME down that worries me. I don’t intend to let me (or anyone) down, and given that I’m hearing a lot about how much I probably won’t finish and everyone has SO many doubts that I will make it without getting swept… I have a lot of negative press to overcome. But… we shall overcome and I will cross and medal.
I need to listen to these more often. They are awesome! Seeing what to expect at key points along the way is getting me really excited. The Magic Kingdom right about sunrise? Oh man… I know that they try to keep the hype up for the Austin Half, but I don’t know how you can ever hope to out-hype the Disney World Half Marathon… This is enough to keep me focussed and training and keeping my nose to grindstone!
Given that I’m training on my own and this race I know I will REALLY be doing on my own, this motivation is helping.
Tuesday I ‘ran’ 2 miles at lunch time at the gym. Wednesday I bicycled 7 miles at lunch time. I love the gym. I’m fixing to love the gym even more!!!
I went to the second hand store today at lunch time (yay payday) and I found some awesome cool stuffed animals (Stitchy for Amandya, Donald for Adam… and a Disney Animal Kingdom Hippo for me) but I also founf a pair of sweats that are almost (almost) exactly the color of Figment. I don’t know if I will be using these pants for the half or if they are going to wear out completely before hand. But… I found a pair. I’m going to keep looking for a pair I like, but for now, these will do. I can train in them to keep my spirits up. I may forgo wearing the Figment hat in Gold’s, though. I feel like enough of a freak without having everyone laughing at me.
Why does EVERYONE look at themselves in the mirror? I mean, really? I understand people with weights wanting to make sure that they are doing it right, I guess. But I’m talking about spending the whole time watching themselves. And not just like… Oh hey… there I am… or even… wow my hair really sucks when I’m sweaty… They stare at themselves ALL the time. Okay, you’re gorgeous. Yes, your form with the jumprope is AMAZING. And you seem incredibly vain and self absorbed.
I keep trying to convince myself I’m not stark raving loony… I have to be crazy to be taking a chance on a race where I could actually get swept. The moritication of having speant an obscene amount of money on a race that I may not ever finish. It’s bad enough to be doing the race in Austin where I could be dragging my butt on the sidewalk long after they reopen the roads. But… I could get swept and never finish. I would cry so hard if I get swept. I hope I get so carried away by everything that I just go and go and go.
I’m pulling together a list of songs for my playlist. This morning I realized that I really need to add in the Owl City song from Wreck It Ralph. It might not be Disney but it is a good song anyway.
Through this window I view the world. It’s my window. It’s my view. It’s not your window or your view. I respect (for the most part… I still struggle with some of the hurts and some of my human frailties … Continue reading
So… today I’ve been thinking… a lot… Yesterday was our first soccer game (Squirrel Girl and I are coaching 3 and 4 year olds with a couple 5 year olds thrown in accidentally) and the kiddos had fun. They laughed. … Continue reading
Okay… so… I’m a professional geek. I work in IT. And I have RA (but RA does NOT have me). I’m starting to FINALLY (after mumble mumble mumble years) realize that neither of these things necessarily define me. Now who I am. Now what I am. They are a part of me, but they are not me.
That said… IT does keep me (and my family) in drugs. Looking at what it costs for the drugs we all take every single solitary day (or in my case every other week for my Humera)… IT keeps me able to keep myself and my family reasonably healthy. Prescription medication runs about $5000 a month for all of what we all take.
This past week (and quite likely for the next at least 4 to 5 weeks) has been bad for work. Extra hours, weekend work, and stress. We don’t plan always overly well… and this is no exception. The systems I work on don’t “make the company money” so they don’t really matter as much until the last possible moment then they matter a WHOLE lot and I have to scramble to make everything okay. I know that by the time everything is said and done, I’m going to hurt and be exhausted.
When I started being the kind of geek I currently am, it was kind of easy to work 900 hours in three months. I missed spring, but I got a bonus and it lead to my first book.
It isn’t so easy now.
I’m currently fighting a flare in my knees that has me gritting my teeth and trying hard to not look like I’m limping. And I’m only a couple weeks into it.
It used to define who I believed myself to be.
I’ve let a lot of things (through the years) define me to myself.
But I’ve realized (a lot the last few days) that… much as I have been allowing what other people think or what I think because of it…
I wasn’t born in a cream can (thank goodness) so I don’t have to worry about the fact that they wouldn’t have opened it if I had been.
Yes, I melted crayons on the registers (coal heat is a HOT heat) and on the guts of the hot water tanks that littered the pasture field. But the colors ran together is such beautiful rainbows.
I shot crayons out through the holes in wire spools. They launch awesomely with a ruler.
I scribbled in notebooks
I colored outside the lines in my coloring books when I was 6.
I was touched inappropriately.
I was called little boy all the time by a relative
I played dress up (in gowns and heels) with an awesome little boy who loved dressing in dresses.
I buried dead toads and butterflies under the pine tree in the play yard.
I believe with all of my heart that the shanty in the play yard and the workshop at grandpa’s house are haunted.
I gave up trying to be as good as older siblings.
It took a long time before I was able to say the words “I am a writer”. I had several published geek books before I was able to say the words. I still have trouble saying it… but it’s true. I have been a writer since I was in 4th grade.
I realized today that… if I hadn’t grown up the way I did… If I hadn’t experienced the things I experienced… I wouldn’t be who I am now. I wouldn’t be able to understand the things I understand. I don’t know who I would be. I don’t think I want to know who I would be. I do know that there are things that I can understand that I KNOW I wouldn’t have been able to understand had I not lived what I lived.
If I could have picked a childhood… I might have chosen one more full of “yes you can” rather than one full of “people like you can’t”… but then I wouldn’t be me and maybe I wouldn’t be able to tell my babies that they can do whatever they want to do… to follow their dreams no matter what they are and no matter where they lead them… maybe I would be a person I don’t even like.
What about you? How do you define you? By other people’s standards and the way they talk? Or by the way you want to be?
So… up and at em early this morning. Completely fed up with my desktop computer, so I restored it back to its factory defaults. Now I’m running all the happy little updates… and getting back all of my ‘extras’ like … Continue reading
So… Dark and Quiet again this morning. Isn’t it interesting how 5 am is like that pretty much every day south of… like… Alaska? My feet are freezing and I have a fan on because I’m still having some interesting … Continue reading
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So… Here I sit, beneath the lightening sky. The morning star slowly fading in the dawn sun. Peanut is laying a short way away on the cool cement of the back porch. I wish I had my rocking chair out … Continue reading