Chronic Illness 30 day challenge… day 13… Has your condition had any effect on your mental health

30 day RA information challenge

I realized that, I guess it is time to get back to this thread again.  It’s been kind of a while since I’ve thought about any of the questions, let alone the answers.

So… today is the day I’m tackling 13…

I’m not sure the answer to this question.  I mean… since I was diagnosed, I’ve changed a lot.  The way I look at things and think about things has changed a lot.  But I’m not sure my mental health has changed.

I’m still aspie…. so… I’m still aspie.  I still have days when I melt down and go hide until I can pull it all back together.  I have days where I HATE my body and what it is doing to itself.  There are many days that I hate my hands because they hurt and that is a limiting factor in a good deal of my life.  I’ve started to take life a little slower and enjoy more of it.  I spend more time just sitting on the porch listening to the morning sounds, even in the dead of winter.

I’m harder on myself, though.  I push myself too hard and I often pay the price for it… and when I pay the price for it, I beat myself up for being stupid for pushing myself and then I beat myself up for my body hurting so much when I push myself.

I’m not sure, though, how much of my mental changes have been as a result of RA… and how many of them have been a result of getting older and growing into who I am.

I suppose I could dissolve into… I am my RA and my RA is me and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… but… I know that my RA is forever and it will be a part of me as long as I keep trudging on… but it is only a PART of me and it can’t define me.

I am what I am and that’s all that I am.

so… I guess… to keep beating on something that is really a non-entity… my mental health has changed, but I really don’t know how or why to connect it to RA.

Author: April Wells
Updated October 22, 2015


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