Waiting…

One woman across from me is knitting (the hat is going to be gorgeous).  The other one is pretending to read.  She has a book in her lap, but she hasn’t turned the page in over 10 minutes.  Both pitched a fit to have the TV volume turned down.  You can now hear nothing but the heat and the sound of dripping snow melting off the roof and the cars wizzing by on the road out front.  Yay for not wanting to hear the inane talking… but it’s all well and good to ignore the ‘Please be considerate and make cell phone calls out in the lobby’ sign and chatting up to whoever calls about every ten minutes. The painters are going to be there on Monday (and they are going to be good union painters, too!), and pookums needs to go for a walk… umhum… umhum…umhum…okay…okay…yeah they really late today…yEs… oh my goodness, yeah, yeah, yeah I’m glad you went.  Yay.

My kingdom for my headsets…

Shut up shut up shut up!!!!

I wish there was a cafeteria.  I wish there was a decent waiting room. Or a table I could sit my computer on.  I wish there was anything in here but a silent TV and incredibly uncomfortable chairs.

I don’t even feel guilty for loudly chewing my potato chips (knowing no one in the room has eaten for HOURS).

I want to steal a starting from the plant in the window. Maybe when the woman who is knitting and talking on the phone leaves I can score a few leaves.

Waiting is really hard.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost exactly two months since bear admitted to the doctor what a hard time he’s been having breathing and that his cough doesn’t want to completely go away.  It’s hard to believe that we’ve gone through so many tests in such a short time.  It’s hard to believe that we have been through so many tests with NO results.

I want a cup of coffee.  All I can get is diet pop.

I’m supposed to listen to encouraging music and podcasts.  I’m listening to Disney music.  I don’t know if anyone understands why I listen to Disney music.  I know I’m the Disney freak.  I know I’m a joke.  Sometimes I put the headsets in and don’t turn on the music and I can hear what people say.  Sometimes I just really need to hear the lyrics.  I learned a long time ago that there aren’t fairytales and that life is a lot of hard work but sometimes it is reassuring to hear  about the little old bird woman on the steps of St Paul and “Look Through My Eyes” that sometimes makes me believe I’m not the only freakazoid in the world.  You really can’t step into the same river twice.

It made me think back through the years, today, a new member on Living Life Large with Rheumatoid Arthritis was just diagnosed.  I can still remember the day I got the phone call at work telling me the results of my bloodwork. It makes me feel good to know that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. Right here, right now.  There is a reason we are in Cleveland. There is a reason I started being painfully honest in this diatribe, there is a reason why I am who I am…

The snow is melting.  The sun is bright through even the clouds.

I wonder what is waiting just around this river bend.  I wonder, as I sit (now alone) and wait and watch.  What will tomorrow, next week, next year bring.  I’m trying to convince myself that I’m up for whatever tomorrow brings…

I think for now, I’ll go walk around the parking lot listening to Miley Cyrus sing “The Climb”

The Climb

I can almost see it.
That dream I’m dreaming, but
There’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it
Every step I’m takin’
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin’
But I, I gotta keep tryin’
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin’,
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, ’cause

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

Yeah

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

Yeah, yeah yeah

Keep on movin’
Keep climbin’
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about, it’s all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa, whoa, oh.

 

Love and Light everyone…
Love and light…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s