I read a comment this week on an article about a woman who does triathlons and iron-mans and is a dancer and a gymnast and who also has RA. A comment on the ‘share’ of the article commented that it must be nice to have such a mild case of RA that you can still run/bike/swim and be amazingly awesome.
Honestly, it is really kind of awesome that she can do all of that. She fought the same symptoms that the rest of us fight. She had flares and pain and swelling (extreme swelling in some cases) and she went and was diagnosed and is on biolgics and methotrexate and she is pushing through anyway. Most days she has pain. Most of the time she feels like she has a mild case of the flu.
I guess it is kind of demoralizing to realize that, with more severe RA, you will never do a decathlon, or a triathlon, or whatever, but it’s just as demoralizing to know that I will never walk on the moon or hang-glide off of Brady’s Bend… I’ll never win a gold medal or bungee jump off the Emelton bridge… I don’t WANT to, but man now I can’t.
I can’t dwell on the things I can’t do. I just don’t have it in my brain to spend all of my time wishing away every day. There are a LOT of things I spend my time wishing lately, but wishing to be able to do what someone else can that I never really wanted to do when I didn’t have RA anyway isn’t one of them.
Be who you are
Be WHERE you are (whether physically, emotionally or geographically). I am looking forward to walking the Christmas Story House 10k this year. I know I can successfully walk that one and I know I haven’t gotten my head in the right place this year to do a half. Next year I’m trying to decide what half I want to tackle.
I have decided that I will adopt a loose translation of triathlon. For me, right now, it is walking (sometimes to work from the parking lot… sometimes walkies with the dog at night), biking (right now around the neighborhood) and cutting the grass. Maybe not on the same day, maybe not on the same WEEK, but those are my goals.
Want to be your own tri-athlete? Maybe for you it is cooking dinner, a hot bath and walking to the mailbox. Maybe it is taking a shower, getting dressed and eating breakfast.
My walk isn’t your walk. Your walk isn’t the lady in the article’s walk. Your walk is your walk and my walk is mine. I don’t have time to compare myself to anyone else at this particular point in my life, all I can do is be the best me I can be and be the wind beneath the wings of the people who matter… maybe be the candle on the water for someone… maybe be the voice of reason… but compare my journey to anyone else’s and look at myself unfavorably because of it… I just can’t.
Today… today my goals are to finish chapter three, go for a walk this evening, and go pour myself a cup of the coffee that is finally done brewing and smells NUMMY!
Love and Light