It’s Sunday August 5th. I’ve gotten past my one week post-op appointment with flying colors. The pathology report came back on the tumor and all of the removed structures and everything was benign. So, I can start to feel better and I can go back to training for the Austin Half Marathon. I missed last year because of my back. I want SO bad to do it again this coming February. Knowing that I may be physically pffft but physically fit enough to do 13.1 miles in under 4 hours clock time… well under 4 hours chip time keeps proving something to myself.
So here I am… curled up on my bed thinking about my training plan. I’m drinking my water and thinking that maybe I need to splice in some black coffee mornings rather than morning with coffee with cream or iced coffee cream and sugar. I know the extra calories won’t amount to much but mentally there is a difference.
I went looking this afternoon for the shirt I want. This year I’m buying it.
If found on ground please drag across finish line
Adam thinks it suits me very much. I think he’s right.
I’m torn… I like the other one (God, please let there be at least one person behind me to read this) but I think the Drag me Across the finish line suits me better. Of course, I like the one that says “The miracle isn’t that I finished, it is that I had the courage to start”… because really that’s true.
I know that the kids and I will go into Austin alone. Every year on Marathon weekend, bear gets sick and can’t go… He’s never seen me cross the finish line. I don’t know if he knows how much that bothers me or not.
I know that I’m doing this for me… only for me. I know that no one that I pass will understand that I have RA or what the half represents to me. I know that there are a lot of other people there that are fighting their own battles and they are fighting even harder than I am. But I’m fighting my battle with myself and I know that I can do it. No one understands why I have to do this, no one ever does… but it matters to me. It is the one thing that I do where I have only myself to rely on (myself and last time Jimmy Buffett…wonder who I will race to this time).
I know that I won’t run. I won’t even jog. I will walk every step of the way. I will walk each and every one of those steps this time in my hobbit feet. Those shoes have seen me through a lot, they are now a part of my definition of myself. They have brought me into many conversations that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. This year they will see me across the finish line.
I may not be the fastest, and I may have to start at the end of the pack and take an entire half hour to cross the starting line, but I can walk every step of the way and I can enjoy the experience. This year, I carry my waterproof camera every step of the way and chronicle my training and my race.