Tag Archives: weight loss

Realizing how far you have come

I refuse to tell people that this is what to do… or this is what will work for everyone… because that is a bunch of hooey. Everyone knows that nothing works for everyone and what works for one person simply can not work for others.  It irritates me when other people do it.  I won’t.

That said… this is where I am this morning…

This morning I hit what my PCP suggests ought to be my goal weight. That means I’m about 15 pounds from my actual goal weight.  THAT means I, very soon, need to start going to the stupid Weight Watchers meetings so I can hit goal there and become lifetime.  I still resent the hell out of that little ploy, but it is what it is.  Yay Nestle…

In celebration I drank a cup of coffee with creamer as a morning treat.

Then I got ready for my run.

I started playing Pokemon Go as a way to see if I can do something distracting during my run.  Hatching eggs.  Unfortunately, the app calculates really badly… I can run 2.5 miles and not QUITE accumulate 1k distance in egg hatching.  But steps is steps and they eventually hatch.  I thought maybe that my fanny pack would count the distance better than my flip belt…  Turns out it didn’t… but… in the process… I had to put my fanny pack on.  This is the utility belt I had always used in races.  This is the utility belt I used before I started on my little weight loss adventure… and my little running adventure.  It fit.  The way the strap was… it fit… 6 months ago… it fit.

This morning when I put it on, this is what I found…. When I strapped around me and held the pack side… I could see my feet between my stomach and the bag.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

When I let go of it this is what happened!!!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I have officially lost enough weight that my fanny pack needed to be VERY much tightened.  I was, suffice it to say, not only SHOCKED, but very pleasantly surprised.

Today, I adjusted my run/walk/run time so that I ran 30 seconds and walked 45 seconds… I did 2.37 miles this morning in just under 30 minutes.

It got me thinking…

When I first started running (2008… 2009… ish time frame) it was right before I was diagnosed with RA.  RIGHT before… I was doing pretty well… but I was no where near as quick or consistent as I am now.

My first several ‘runs’ I did in the middle of the darkness in the morning around our cul de sac.  I would leave our driveway, jog to the next driveway… make it to the end of the street… walk the rest of the way… and fall down into the yard.  I started adding a little distance.  I would go to the next driveway plus one sidewalk square.  Sometimes the next dandelion.  I worked my way using the First Day to 5K pod cast.

I eventually worked my way up to being able to finish about a mile and a half… run walk running… but I was doing it at about a 16 minute mile.

I finished my first half marathon two months after I was diagnosed with raging RA… 37 joints involved… inflammation everywhere…. My hips screamed the last mile.  I almost couldn’t make it into the house from the attached garage.

When I finished my first Disney half marathon 4 years later, I managed to stay ahead of the balloon ladies but not by much.  I half way trained.  My RA was kind of mostly controlled but I had just started on Orencia.  I was still on MTX.

I was determined to finish Disney…. and it was a personal best time for me.  It wasn’t a great time, but I finished it.

I was 218 pounds when we moved to Cleveland.

I refused to do the math on what that meant BMI wise.  I didn’t want to know.

That was 4 years ago.

February I started back walking very fast to train for Disney.

Then I read that for every 10 pounds weight loss you can shave off 20 seconds per minute off of your run time.  I was determined to get to a 14 minute mile so I could half way comfortably finish ahead of the balloon ladies and still get my picture taken coming out of Cinderella’s castle and maybe even with Goofy on the golf course.

So after my PCP told me that WW is the silver bullet and that I should only EVER eat 0 point foods, I got pissed and joined.  I was determined to make it work.

I needed to shave my time.

I needed to get healthier and stronger so I can help Bear as much as I can through everything that is to come. I need to be as strong as I can possibly be.  I need to be healthy enough to support him enough through everything.  It matters.

And here I am at 165 pounds… 15 pounds short of MY 150 pound goal…

The walmart leggings I started out running in stay MOSTLY up but slide down a few times during a 2 to 3 mile run.

People at work who haven’t seen me in a while have started to comment on how much weight I’ve lost.  I kind of look at that sort of in a hard way… I didn’t really think of how heavy I was.  I didn’t think about how I looked to other people.  I didn’t think… Now I think.

I’m down 4 pants sizes.  I’m running in between a medium and large pair of running leggings.

I don’t hurt as bad as I did before.  I don’t hurt as badly when I am nearly to infusion day.  My hands still ache some days and I still am stiff in the mornings but I feel less bad (does less badly equate to better?  I’m not sure).

And I’m starting to think of myself as a runner.

But it’s not all sunshine and roses in my own head.

Men have started to notice me… started to flirt with me.  There was a guy in Pittsburgh when Bear and I were waiting on the Gateway Clipper who bought pop corn and brought it over so I could help him feed the ducks.  It never dawned on me until Bear pointed it out later that he was flirting.  People rarely ever talk to me so flirting isn’t something that ever crosses my mind. My first thought was… I want very much to go back to being invisible and I should stop trying to lose weight.

But I like feeling better.  I like thinking that I might not need to be on some of the “you’re too heavy” drugs that I’ve been on for years.  High BP meds… cholesterol drugs…

So… yeah… it’s been very much a thinking kind of day… a day of how far I’ve come over the years.

Running isn’t for everyone with RA.  Knee damage, ankle damage, feet and toes… it seriously curtails what you can do with working out… but moving is a good thing and I’m convinced that weight watchers (much as I STILL hate trying to find the logic in stuff) and running have made an incredible difference and I know that I really really don’t want to go back to having a BMI of 36.  Goal for me is now a normal BMI… and making sure I’m around to help when Bear needs my help.

And… of course… doing races…

August … Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame 10k

October…. Towpath 10k
Pumpkin run in Akron

November… Made In America in Massillon Ohio half marathon

February…. Disney!!!

 

Love and Light

April

7/13/2018

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Weight Watchers… Lifetime… the reality

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Okay… I’m trying.  I’m REALLY trying.  I have trouble gagging down the Kool-Aid, but I’m trying.  I still have trouble wrapping my head around an 8 oz glass of skim milk being 3 points but a quart of fat free greek yogurt is… none… but… that’s because I know I’m over thinking everything.

NOT that I’m not having success.  I’m down 32 pounds.  This morning I put on the belt that I bought in Amarillo right after we moved there in 2000.  There was an amazing western wear store there and I fell in love with the belt… and I have been dragging it around for years and I never dreamed I would ever be able to wear it again… and this morning I have it on.

But…

I went to my PCP on Tuesday.  She is THRILLED with my weight loss.  Thinks that I should always try to consume 750 calories a day and burn 2500 calories those same days because… well, duh… that burns fat.

It’s not sustainable

but that’s okay because f$&* you that’s why… LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE.

Same logic as… you should really only EVER eat the 0 point foods because obviously no one will ever want to eat… beef… pork… a 1″ square of brownie… and hey… at some point I will just lose it and go completely off the rains.

Except now that I’m only fat and not OBESE, she thinks I need to completely stop at 160 – 165 pounds.  Stop weight watchers.  Stop losing. Just… stop.

I’m not happy with that solution and I am not going to follow her edict.  MY goal is to hit what WW actually says is roughly a healthy weight for me and try to maintain that.

That said…

I know that if I reach goal (her mythical 160 to 165 number) I can become lifetime.  The magical lifetimeness of WW.  Everyone say OOOOOO…. Everyone say AHHHHH.

Yeah, whatever.

Again.  My trouble is… I don’t really do sheeple very well.  I spend a lot of time caught up in my own head.  I’m pretty sure that is part of my Aspie-ness that isn’t a thing any more but that doesn’t change who I am.

So I did some digging.

You can never ever ever ever ever ever ever get to lifetime as long as you’re online only.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Silly goose, wouldn’t want someone playing the system… duh… no no no no no.  You have to get within 5 pounds on online only and then pay $40 a month to get to goal… then $40 a month for the 6 or so (yeah… or 8 or 10 or whatever… hee hee hee) weeks that you have to maintain between 2 pounds over and 2 pounds under your mythical magical number.  Three pounds under? HAHAHAHAHAH… reset your goal weight… reset your 6 weeks… But I’m ASSURED that at that point it is NOT all about the money.

Okay, whatever

Don’t think

BEEEE the sheep.

Maybe I can be a sheep.  Maybe I can be a good little sheep for a couple of months.

Went to talk to the leader of the chapter we have at work yesterday.  Got her version of the scoop.

Yes, you HAVE to lose your last 5 pounds in meetings (kaching).  Yes, you have to maintain 2 pounds over or under for 6 consecutive weeks (kaching).  Then you can be lifetime and if you want you can then continue to lose.  As long as you don’t exceed your goal weight by more than 2 pounds at any weigh in in any month for the rest of your life… you can stay free (and get e-tools and get to go to the damn meetings I don’t want to go to anyway but I will have to once a month so THEY can say I am maintaining my magical mythical numbers.

OH… but if you do continue to lose… they won’t charge you for that.  BUT… They will STRONGLY SUGGEST (read harp at you until you do??? ) that you lower your goal weight to exactly where you are at any given point in time.

Everyone say oooo
everyone say ahhh

One of the women who was in the meeting to be weighed has been forking out $40 a month for seven years and isn’t anywhere near goal.  She’s been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds for 7 years.  SEVEN YEARS… without ever getting near to goal.

I can’t imagine having to go sit through meetings once a week for SEVEN YEARS and paying $40 a month for the privilege.

And, stupid me… I went hunting.  I found on our Library’s digital magazine page the Australian Weight Watchers magazine.  There are, obviously differences… like kilos instead of pounds and other things that are specific to Australia.  But one of the magazines has an article that talks about keeping the weight off and being lifetime and in maintenance.

I was stunned by the statistics that are in that magazine.

of over 900 lifetime members they surveyed (only 900 people… there are MILLIONS on WW… they could find 900 woo hoo people to help with the survey??? ) 94% remain BELOW THEIR INITIAL WEIGHT after one year.  NOT at goal.  Not kept the weight off.  Below their initial weight.  One year.  90% at two years.  75% at 5 years.

But this is a lifestyle, not a diet.

Another study of 2886 members, shows 87% maintaining a 10% weight loss at 5 years and 10 years.  I’ve already lost more than 10% of my original weight.  I will have lost roughly 25% by the time I reach what I would like to be my goal weight.

And I’m sitting here terrified about my 6 week dealy to get to “you don’t have to fork over a bunch of money any more”.

When I am getting close to infusion day I have inflammation.
Inflammation adds weight.  Maybe not a lot, but it adds weight.
I know that to hit my race in February, I’m going to have to go at least one month, maybe 2 (again) at 5 weeks between infusions instead of 4.  That means for TWO weeks… two weigh ins… I will have to pretty much starve for the couple days before my weigh in to not be 2.5 pounds over and then eat everything not nailed down by the next weigh in so I’m not freaking 2.5 pounds under.

But I over think things

I should just blindly sheeple to the Kool-aid trough.

I really enjoy how I’m feeling and I’m completely thrilled that forking out a crap ton of money was incentive enough to hold my own feet to the fire to do this.  I’m even more thrilled that I’ve actually shaved about a minute off of my per mile time while I’m out running in the mornings (and that I can actually go running in the mornings).

But…
I honestly wish I had been told all of the details before I started.  Or maybe I wish I had dug far enough into this when I started instead of just jumping in head first after I got pissed at my PCP.

Happy Thursday
love and light
April

6/14/2018

Side Effects of Losing Weight

I guess I could be imagining things… but maybe not…

I’ve lost 22 pounds.  I’m noticing that what I want to eat (what I can stand to eat) has changed significantly, after even just 22 pounds.  I’ve also learned when I can stand to eat some of my weekly points without freaking out or worrying about what the doctor will say if I’m not where she is happy with by June (and I won’t be and she will be irritated).

This was my week for drugs (okay okay… two weeks ago was my week for drugs, but after doing all the math, I pushed it out to where I could get my infusions at roughly the right time through February hitting all my races without being in huge pain) and I was very grateful for my infusion this week.

When I was walking back to my car after my infusion, this week, I got kind of light headed (and I know it wasn’t from being hungry… I ate a cookie at the infusion center).  By the time I got home, I was starting to feel less achy in my ankles.  My hands were still stiff and hurty but it felt like the meds were working a little faster.

If this is actually a side effect of weight loss, I can totally handle this.

I have had to go shopping for pants.  I’ve dropped one size so far and it was to the point where wearing a belt to keep up my pants was uncomfortable because the belt guides were the only thing that was actually being held up.  The baggy gaps in the pants was very uncomfortable.  So I went to the second hand store (I’m not going to buy new pants that I will not be able to use in a month or two) and got the next size down.

I’ve even started wearing shorts again… and running tank tops (and just as I started wearing shorts, the weather got too chilly again to wear them).  I realized that wearing really baggy stuff wasn’t hiding anything anyway…

And here I am, sitting… looking out over the green leaves that came out of nowhere over the last week.  Listening to the morning birds (yet with the heat on because it is freezing…) and watching the daddy nuthatch bringing food to the mommy nuthatch as she is in the bird house either hatching eggs or caring for her babies…

One week from today is my 8k.  This will be the first race that I’ve done since the Presque Isle half marathon.  One week from right now I will be in Cleveland in my corral waiting for the race to start.  I know that, in running, I’m running away from the thoughts that chase through my head all the time… I know that this race is going to be hard in a lot of ways…. it’s going to be incredibly emotional… I hope I can do this.  I hope I can hold it together.  I hope that I can finish my challenge.

And before I lose it this morning…
Love and Light
April
5/12/18

People Notice the Loss

Okay, I’m not sure how many people notice whatever the difference is in me, but at least one person did.  Yesterday (a day I was too sore to run in the morning and lunch wsa too busy for me to even get to lunch let alone to the gym) when I managed to make time for the bathroom, I ran into Kalpna (she ran the race for the cure 5k with the team in November) in the bathroom.  I really didn’t think that my feeble attempts at getting healthy and hoping to loose weight were having any decent affect at all.  I know that I feel better… I can breathe better.  I know that I’ve lost a few inches.  I didn’t really think anything was noticible.

What am I doing now?  I’ve been running 3 – 4 days a week.  I’ve been hitting the weights in the gym twice to three times a week.  I’ve been eating smaller portions and being good with that.  I’ve been drinking water more but still drinking a pepsi every couple days… 2 percent milk every day… tea more often than coffee but black coffee too.  I’ve decided that I need to do this in a way I can really live with forever.  I can’t depend on someone else to decide what and how much I am going to eat.  I can’t rely on not eating just to meet my goal.

My goal… weighing 140 pound within the next year and maintaining that weight

I don’t care what size pants that equates to… but if I can get to 140 pounds, I should be lean enough to have my cholesterol soundly under control, I will be able to breathe well all the time without having to rely on inhalers… at least not the albuteral inhalers.  I will start to run half marathons and will be able to finish them.  I don’t know when I will be ready for the first one but the day that I realize that I’m running 3 – 5 miles a day… I will know that I will be able to finish a real race.  I don’t see that being any time very soon… but if I keep up with Podrunner Intervals the way they are supposed to be used… some day I will.