It was what I assume is a semi-flare week… I hurt several days really badly… MTX didn’t agree with me this week at all (spent yesterday puking and sleeping)… joy joy.
My knuckle is still lumpy and bruised looking… and now my wrist is bugging me…
It as 12 degrees night before last… 20 last night… so the weather isn’t helping
Neither is the guilt trip that I’ve got going on right now… and that is starting to really get to me a lot. No… really… I’m making up the fact that I hurt a 9… honest… please dump on me about what I’m not getting done…getting dumped on REALLY helps a lot… especially when what I’m not getting done is a favor that on a good day will take me several days of concentrated work. The worst part is… it was right before I got my ‘this is your new life” news that I said I would try to do this as soon as I could. Now I’m trying… and not succeeding… and feeling even more guilty…
I’m pretty sure the guilty is hereditary.
I’m trying to pretend that I’m hungry for anything so people won’t worry… but I’m not. Didn’t throw up today… but I’m still not hungry… I’m hoping to get my butt out and run in the morning (okay, okay, walk fast) because the gym at lunch time just isn’t cutting it… not nearly long enough for the training I’m trying to do… but the cold bites in more than one way… even with my new wool glovies…
Trying to stay up beat and posotive… sometimes it is easier than others. Today not so much.
One interesting thing happened this week… got an email (newsy chatty one) that I actually responded to (I don’t usually GET emails from this person… and it made me smile… for 10 whole min). Didn’t get anything back (which makes “conversation” not really so much… but it was nice to talk for a bit to somebody one on one… I don’t like always dumping on my mom or the immediate household… but… I guess that is my limit for now… because everything seems to go into the black hole of calcutta and never ever come back out.
I don’t mean to be ‘self’ centered… but sometimes it helps to once in a while talk about me (wanna talk about me wanna talk about I wanna talk about number one blah blah blah… not an altogether bad country song).
Does anyone else ever feel like this… like they really don’t want to dump on people… but like it helps to just… talk… about whatever… about the ouchies… about the crappy week… about the beautiful sunset… about… Tuesday or whatever?
Or am I being maudlin all of a sudden?
well… have a wonderful rest of the day and from here on out… the week can only get… more days!