Depression Kind of Sucks

I don’t know what to attribute it to… whether it is to the fact that I’ve been aching and having the feeling like my hands are falling asleep…or my reaction to all that is going on in Squirrel’s life (or the fact even that everyone in the whole freaking world feels like they are ignoring me when I’m trying to bust my behind end to get a non profit… A Day Like No Other…on its feet and the first annual Round Rock Purple Day 5k planning under way)…or maybe even (in part) the fact that I got one physical birthday card and one e-card for my birthday last week… (and yeah… I have been feeling just a tad sorry for myself… and the fact that I got an email from my ‘sister’ telling me that she will still have to get those few Christmas presents that she threatened to send when Squirrel was in the hospital… in FEBRUARY…  and which she keeps telling me she’s going to have to get sent… because I believe her anyway… still waiting for my happy 29 birthday sweatshirt and I’m 45 now… )… yeah… I’m feeling a little sorry for myself.  The cake was wicked good… and dinner was wonderful…

Whatever it is… I have been in a hugely horrible funk for DAYS… walking isn’t helping… tea isn’t helping… yoga isn’t helping (even RA Guy’s meditation which sounds so wonderful isn’t working… ).  I can’t seem to shake the little black rain cloud that has been hovering over my head.

What’s really depressing… even Disney music isn’t working…

I was reading RA Guy’s blog this morning and I think that, if I make a truly concerted effort (truly scrumptious… she’s truly truly scrumptious… ) and really meditate… maybe that will help.

I will put in my copy of Tibetan Bowls and just… loose myself.

I can’t handle this feeling… it is just… so not me.