Trying to Stay Positive


One of my favorite quotes is “Whether you think that you can, or that you can‘t, you are usually right.” Henry Ford.

Another, I don’t know where it came from (everything I can find says anonymous) is Attitude Determines Altitude.

I try to be the fun DBA… the one that people don’t cringe when they have to work with… One person I work with always knows when I’m having a particularly bad patch (the day Squirrel seized when I was at work… when we started having depression and self harm issues… ) because I way less Mary Sunshine (fewer wise cracks… less giggling… ). One really cool developer I work with even said that he’s always glad when I get put on pager patrol because he never has any trouble with my dropping everything and running change requests when there are changes to run… but he always feels bad too because sometimes pager patrol can be rough… ). It means a lot to me to be the Mary Sunshine one (not to be confused with what mom calls Pollyanna….)

I try to be as positive as I can.  And I totally try to be as positive as I can about me partly because that was how I grew up… I just pushed through… partly because I can’t try to be the strong one for Amandya if I’m down on me.

This week’s trip to Dr Stephanie, however, was a minor set back to the look for the bright side… Sjögren’s Syndrome (eye doctor appointment today to see what he says and to see what I need to do for the next 20 years or so… Dr Stephanie appointment so nurse Sean can teach me how to give myself injections probably next Friday)… knowing that after all of the pills I still have 14 involved joints and my ankles and toes still have significant squish going on.. talking about my quality of life given that I’m so young and this is forever so getting it as good as we can is what the goal is….

I did the math… it will actually be cheaper to pay cash for the injection MTX… given the gas and wear and tear on the car and the $12 a month that it would probably cost to park at the Dr office… doing it myself will probably be a wash.  Walmart actually said the meds will be between $11 and $15 dollars a month… not so bad.

I’m trying to be positive.

But it’s been a long week…


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