Got up headachey this morning… didn’t sleep great even though I was way tired and cleaned the bedroom and closet sufficiently to sleep in the bed again. I know a lot of the not being able to sleep has been thinking and stressing about Squirrel Girl’s upcoming Orthopedist appointment.
Up early, coffee with honey creamer… bath and to work (had to change my work from home day this week because someone needs to be in early tomorrow for post deploy and everyone knows that I’m the most likely to be there early). Been sitting here catching up on what’s been going on over the weekend and thinking about people like me.
Thinking about the book… but thinking about the humans like me, too.
I wonder how many other people are people like me. I wonder how many people went through their child hoods having their expectations set realistically rather than their dreams encouraged. How many people weren’t really sick but were looking for attention. How many people weren’t perfect and had all of the little imperfections pointed out painfully often. How many people ended up hiding their creativity, their artsy fartsy -ness behind a shroud of “I will fit in if it kills me”. How many people were assured they were horrible people and a burden on society… (if you had been born in a cream can and I knew then what I know now, I would never have taken off the lid)…
How many people inhabit the world who heard all of the messages that you should just accept what you are in life and never strive for anything different or better would have grown up differently. Who among us “People Like Me” aren’t exactly people like me and listened to the messages they were played and accepted what they were told and didn’t become the people they could have been if they had followed what they dreamed of being…
I wrestle with the idea that, if I encourage my little (not so “little” but little) people to be all they want to be, all of their dreams (even the first garbage man on the moon) and they fail, maybe I’m doing them just as big a disservice as I honestly think I was done… I wonder what books have already gone unwritten, how many poems unsung because I put off believing it was possible or listening to the “it’s SO impractical” idea… are they going to look back when they are <mumble mumble> years old and wish that I had set their expectations realistically rather than telling them that if they want it badly enough, they can do whatever they dream of doing… I wonder. I wonder, now even, if I actually have what it takes (the words it takes, the ability, the talent) to write books that aren’t “just” the geek books that bear my name. Would anyone actually be interested in what I have to say if it isn’t ‘practical’?
I look at the people around me in the world and realize that a lot of people have settled rather than striven.
There is one person in my day to day life who dreamed of being a Java Programmer. It would have been a lot of work and the pay wasn’t as wonderful as what they ‘settled’ for… but what part of happiness and success are measured by the pay?
I won’t let one more day go by. I will keep working towards my dreams and I will take the chance that I’m not messing up my little people by stressing that success in life isn’t measured by the things that money can buy, but by the things that are too priceless for words.
It is never too late to follow the path your heart calls you to.