In general, it has been (in case you didn’t read about it) a kind of crappy feeling several days.  I’ve been inordinately down on myself.  I have felt very insignificant and to a great extent like a looser.  I’m still feeling kind of disgusted because even among RA people I’m “sick” enough to qualify as technically part of the group, but I realize that I don’t reach nearly enough people to count as someone who makes a difference and I’m not sick ENOUGH to be held up as a poster child.  It kind of makes me feel like the fact that I can actually finish a half marathon and dream of walking a Disney half some day means that I am too healthy to be sick and too sick to be healthy.  Sigh… so… I will figure out how to deal with all of that.

The rest of the poor me crap that has been plaguing me, I figure I’m pretty much past.  I went for a walk.  I took a mess of pictures.  I enjoyed a beautiful day.

I went out and played.  I played in the rain and in the after rain.  I got soaked multiple times, froze my tootsies and got some really interesting pictures.  It kept my mind occupied and let me get out and get some much needed exercise and de-stress.

It is still promising to be a long week.  Tomorrow I have my rheumy appointment.  I’m kind of looking forward to it so I can find out for sure if the Humera is working well enough or if I’m going to have to add some other uber industrial strength meds.  I’m feeling some better.  I still ache.  But… I guess that is a given.

Here is to looking forward to a better tomorrow…

Tuesday, my baby girl gets injected with radioactive die and will be stuck laying on an xray table for two hours for her HIDA scan.  I’m worried.  I don’t like that she is getting so irradiated.  But she is still puking and that worries me even more than the radiation.  so… I will worry and suck it up.

I am still not completely back to Mary Sunshine.  I am still worried about friends and family and what is being faced tomorrow and over the next couple weeks.  But it is starting to feel a little bit like butterflies after the rain.  There are still weeds.  But at least the weeds are blooming and there are butterflies dancing and playing in the warm afternoon sun.


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