Okay, so technically it isn’t exactly training. Training, to me, usually is when you go and spend a week (or at least several days) learning one thing kind of with great depth. This is a conference where you get slides, meet people, hear neat new ideas and get bored to tears (depending on which session you pick…) and it is the next best thing.
I have two days of “down time” (read… I get to think about different things). Two days to reflect on the fact that…
I’m not capable of being a productive member of that team
Training of any kind is simply a waste
playing around with things just to play around with them is pointless
I get to reflect on that, realize I’m not dumber than dirt (I almost said a box of rocks… but an awesome young man pointed out that rocks are very often beautiful… and I smiled… and I changed my metaphor) and find some interesting new angles I might be able to take on some issues we might run into.
And I’m networking. Not to any great degree. I’m still me. I’m still a nerd lost in the herd and enjoying sitting back and observing. But I have talked to people… and I’ve caught myself going …. ooooooo… and Ahhhhhh… because these people ARE people. They are the people who know things and who write books and who… (oh wait… I’m these people… hmmm).
I listened yesterday and I took notes and I downloaded presentations. And I talked to people who talked to me. One might want me to help him revise his book for the newest version of the software. One remarked on how he didn’t recognize me from when he helped me on a book (he was my tech editor on one and he is “THE” man who people go to to ask questions). HE didn’t recognize ME? Holy crap!!! Why on earth would he recognize me?
Then I thought about it. I realized that I’ve been spending entirely too much time thinking about what people have said I can’t do. I have been thinking about how my RA is sometimes limiting in what it lets me do. I have been thinking that I let too many things get in my way.
So I’m not going to.
I have to change my thinking. I have to adapt to what I need to get done and get done some things that I just want to get done in the mean time. I need to take my own advice and realize that the messages that I’ve been given aren’t MY messages, they are other people’s messages and I really really need to stop listening to the ones that don’t help me.
It’s not my fault, or my problem, that people don’t try to understand. It’s not my fault that they don’t “get” me. I can do this and I will show the people that didn’t get it what they are missing.