On Finding Thursday’s Normal

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Thursday is 9 degrees of sparkle on snow, a fullish moon, pictures through icicles, chocolate raspberry truffle coffee, 20 milligrams of prednisone and 1000 milligrams of napproxin (yes, I know that is too many) and it is one day closer to my week off and my (finally) infusion.

This morning, with my infusion finally scheduled, I feel better mentally. The prednisone is making me able to use my elbow and my fingers, even 8 weeks already past my last infusion. I can do this. There is an acutal end in sight. I’m reminded at times like this why I fight my condition tooth and nail (and hair). The past couple weeks have been particularly bad for me and I don’t like me much when I get like that.  By the time I get to get in, it will be nearly 10 weeks between my 4 week infusions and I will TOTALLY be a hot mess. So right now, I’m finding the peace and ease that I need to find where I need to find it.

Last night there was a 2 minute “thing” on the news about one brave woman and how she is dealing with her condition. It kind of irritated me a little because there are a great many of us out here dealing with the same crap every day. We are out there, in DROVES, living life… getting by… fighting the good fight. To a great extent we are invisible. We are invisible because we get by, living life. You pass us on the street, you sit next to us in the cafeteria or in the office, you run past us in races while we keep on keeping on, you even what the young ones of us (yes, some very young ones) play with your kids on the playground. We are here.

Granted, I’m a bit touchy right now… but… it kind of irritated me.

On the up side, it made me whant to cry when my squirrel girl pointed out, rather loudly and vehemently, to the TV that is’s not a disease, it can’t be cured. WHICH also made me want to run out and look up the definition (exactly) of disease. Turns out, according to Webster’s, it is.

an illness that affects a person, animal, or plant : a condition that prevents the body or mind from working normally

Ah well, it is what it is. AND, it is, apparently, a disease. Go figure. WHO knew! 🙂

So, here I am, in the quiet of the morning trying to find my quiet place, trying to center myself, trying to get done the needful, trying not to beat myself up for whatever it is at this particular moment in time I find it necessary to beat myself up for. I’m up for today.

I hope today is good.

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