While I was sitting in the outpatient recovery room watching bear tuck away the lunch I fetched for him from the cafeteria and then quietly not nap, I realized that we are already nearly half way through February.
I’ve been terribly remiss about posting but between being incredibly buried at work and trying to keep my head from exploding at home, it’s really been all I can do to not just curl up onto a ball and simply exist much of the time. It’s been a rough ride, but I’m starting to see a tiny glimmer of light.
I’ve learned, this year, that there are doctors who care and are brutally honest, and that there are doctors who go through life doing their jobs. I guess that doesn’t surprise me much and I guess it really isn’t such a huge shock to me, either. I just never really took the time to think about it.
I miss my Austin Rheumatologist. Dr Booth got me through and taught me my reality. She also set the bar very high for those to come after her. I’m not nearly as impressed with the ones here. I “get” to see my actual doctor about twice a year, and I feel like I’m always putting the PA out… like, I know she’s doing her job but she really doesn’t like doing it and like I’m a bother.
I do not like the first ‘lung guy’ we went to see nearly as much as the one that we are with now. He is straight, the talks with you… to you… not at you, and he takes his time. He doesn’t pull his punches. He hasn’t said, straight out, that he thinks it’s cancer, but he has said that he wants to start treating it ASAP and that he believes there is a strong possibility. And through all of the memories and all of the fear, bear just keeps on trucking. Doing the needful. Even when the “these tests won’t hurt at all” tests hurt so bad he thinks he might pass out… he just keeps on going.
The bronchoscopy surgeon was really good. Talked to bear, told him the way it was… even when that meant finding out that he figured there was less than a 2% chance of getting the biopsy samples. The needle biopsy guy was brusk and kind of arrogant, was sure he could get the sample (which he did not) and said there was only a 20% chance of lung collapse. There was a small collapse starting and he caught it. He’s a good doctor, but he was way more sure of himself than he ought to have been.
I’ve been thinking that it would be awesome to be able to have a ‘do it yourself’ doctor assembly kit. One where you can pick and chose the best parts of the doctors that you have had and assemble the perfect doctor that you can sort of keep with you at all times no matter where you are, no matter where you move to, no matter what the situation. Unrealistic but then reality sometimes is too.