Start With Where You Are

I can’t <insert whatever it is that you think you can’t possibly do>.

There are people for whom this is true.  If you have had a total hysterectomy, you are not likely to be able to give birth to a child.  You are probably not going to ever grow wings this side of eternity and take flight from the roof of your brownstone.

But don’t assume you can’t just because you think you can’t.

If you want to badly enough to put the work into it, you would be surprised what you can accomplish.

When we lived in Amarillo I wanted to try to lose weight.  I started out ‘running’ in the back yard.  Around and around and around. I graduated to taking the dog up to the school yard and ‘running’ around and around and around the parking lot.  I did’t lose much, but I did prove to myself that I could.

When I started, again, to try to get more healthy, I was in the Austin area. I hadn’t done any work at all on my health for a long time.  I remember the morning I started.  OHHHH-dark-thirty (no one is up, no one can see, no one can laugh).  I downloaded the Podrunner Intervals First Day To 5K because I figured I should maybe start out with some kind of go a little slower…. go a little faster… help and support.  It’s a good program.  It really helped me as I worked my way forward.  However, that day…

We lived on a cul de sac.  Two houses next to us, three on the other side and we were on the end next to the easement.  Not a really long street.

I walked out our door, down the driveway, once around the cul de sac and… tried a one driveway to the next jog.  I was done.  I was totally done.  I laid in the yard (thank goodness I missed all of the fire ant hills) and felt like a complete and total failure.

Two times up and down the street.

Yes, I realized even then that there were a lot of people who can’t walk down the driveway let alone two times up and down the street.  But I needed to be able to feel like I wasn’t being a failure.  So… I started to add distance.  Twice up and down the street and an extra time around the cul de sac… then that with an extra driveway.  Eventually I left our street… eventually our block… eventually our housing area.

Then my feet started to really really hurt.

I started out thinking it was Plantar fasciitis.  I started to work on stretching to see if I could make ti better.  I kept running.  And at that point I was running as much as I was walking. I pushed.  I enjoyed getting out… being out… and I struggled with my feet hurting.

We went to Disney.

While I was at Disney I didn’t run.  I wanted to.  I loved hourglass lake and I longed to jog around it.  But I couldn’t.  I couldn’t do much.  I couldn’t make it through the entire day at Disney without my feet SCREAMING and swelling.  I wore my Tevas so I could loosen the straps… and walk in water to make the screaming quiet.  But it never did.  Soaking my feet in the tub of cool water helped.

It scared me.

Bear assured me it was because I was running too much.

But I wasn’t.

Then my finger got its lump.  It got a lump and I knew I had to fess up to a doctor… and I found out that I have rheumatoid arthritis.  That scared me more.

By that time, though, I had signed up for my first half marathon.  I signed up and the month after I started methotrexate I walked it.  I was paranoid… I wanted to finish.  I wanted to not get swept.  I didn’t know then that I didn’t have to worry and no one would actually get swept.  Skinny Butt walked backwards out the course and walked me in.  I was so upset, so depressed, so tired, in SO freaking much pain… Crossing the finish, it felt like there was hot glass shards in my hips.  Driving home, I was in tears.  It took me twenty minutes to get into the house.

I struggled with what I was feeling… emotionally… physically…

But I didn’t give up.

I just slowed down.

And slowing down is okay.

And now I’m trying to slowly make progress again.  I’m getting faster jogging.  I’m struggling to work with Weight Watchers.  I’m struggling with staying motivated.  I’m taking it one day, one minute at a time.

And I’m now training…
I’m training now for the Cleveland Half Marathon… one goal at a time… one minute at a time…

This week…
Monday off
Tuesday 2 miles (30:43 minutes)
Wednesday infusion
Tomorrow back to the gym because of the stupid rain.

Love and Light
April
March 28, 2018