The Quiet of Early Morning

It’s just before dawn.  Puppy doodle and I are sitting on the porch by Tiki Torch light listening to the crickets and locusts singing their songs.  It’s beautiful music…

The rain last night did nothing for the humidity and I’m woosing out on my run this morning.  There is still rain in the area and, while I’m not averse to running in the rain, the humidity that is so high right now is playing hell with my breathing.  But today should be the last really hard day (Hot and Humid) for at least a few days.

And I really needed this do nothing much morning.

Yeah, creatures are fed.  Coffee is brewed.  I’m getting geared up to hopefully get two of the 5k slots for the Princess weekend in February.  And we are sitting in the uncomfortably sticky morning just… sitting.

It’s 5 1/2 weeks since my last infusion and, while the weight loss is helping a lot with the achies, I’m really feeling the extra week plus that I’m out from it.  I can’t wait till Thursday when I can get my ‘fix’ again.  My hands are achey… my fingers are tingly (the not quite asleep kind) and everything is just feeling off.

Squirrel passed all of her classes and is carrying a B average.  Work is agreeing with her for the most part and she even survived tax free weekend.  Her RA seems to be being more controlled now that she is on plaquinil and arava.  And she’s not pukey and dizzy like she was with MTX.

Monkey butt has started working at a nifty new chicken tenders fast food place just up the street.  Yeah… all they sell is chicken tenders.  The name is Caine’s and he’s really fitting in well there.  I think he’s going to really enjoy it and is talking about working towards manager.

Bear is doing as well as can be expected.  His numbers are up from three months ago.  Not statistically up but up.  Up is good.  Anything not down is good.  He’s even sucking it up and listening to the fact that humidity makes it harder to breathe even if your oxygen level is where it sort of should be.  He gets so mad at the O2 hose because it gets caught on everything… he really enjoys taking his scooter out and about because it means he can ride around and smell the air without having to have his machine on.  It’s amazing how much little things have started to mean to everyone.

I’m trying so hard not to loose myself in my own head.  Sometimes it’s really hard… Especially when I’m alone and I can’t quiet my thoughts.  Tears are never too terribly far away and it is the stupidest things that make me cry.  Takes even less to make me angry… a lot of stupid things make me angry… but they are things that I have no control over…. things that I can’t change anyway so I try to just push them down.

I’m down right around 40 pounds.  Yesterday and today that is up just a little but I think I know why… I can feel the squishy in my knees and ankles… in my fingers… Most of the “up” weight will fall back off when I get my infusion on Thursday.  I’m getting close to ‘goal’ and with it (hopefully) lifetime.  It’s going to be such a giant pain in the ass getting to lifetime…. my body hates me near infusion time and I need to be within 2 pounds over or two pounds over at the end of 6 weeks of hitting goal to hit lifetime.  If that 6 weeks were to be right now… I don’t know, honestly, what I would do.  I don’t know how to mitigate… how to maintain around the inflammation in my joints that adds pounds to reality… Weight Watchers doesn’t really account for that… and being in maintenance mode only accounts, really, for the weight of eating… not the weight of not eating and still being up.  I’m going to really have to watch my math for the sixth week and try really hard to make that week my infusion week.

The sun is starting to come up.  It’s late… summer is nearing an end.  Soon sitting on the porch will be rare again.  Time goes so freaking fast.  I wish I could just reach out and stop it… slow it down…. go backwards maybe and change things…

Love and light
April

8/7/2018