Why…

Sitting in the late afternoon shade. The sun is well below the tree line. The grass is cut. Dogs are snoring softly all over the floor. It’s a good afternoon.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit the last few days about why… most particularly MY Why… you know the WW Why that is supposed to be bigger than my but (my butt?) to help me lose weight… help me keep it off.

My why has evolved significantly over the last couple years. Initially, when I joined WW my why was to shave time off my minutes per mile time in the half marathon. I was going to do the Princess Challenge and I wanted to have decent corral placement and a decent enough chance to make it the whole way without running into the balloon ladies.

Yes, it was a shallow reason. I don’t know if I had kept that as my only why if I would have been able to even reasonably maintain after I made it to goal. Particularly now that races aren’t really a thing and virtual races bother me a lot.

After I started to lose weight and started to feel better, my why evolved.

Before too terribly long I realized that I would have to be the one to be able to take care of Bear when it got to the point where he was going to start to be less and less able to take care of himself.

I have to admit, that happened way sooner than I ever expected it to. We are four-ish months in to hospice. I have been pushing him in the wheel chair when the weather isn’t too hot and humid. I can reasonably comfortably push him more than 3 miles up and down small hills. I can fight the wheel chair (and the scooter) in and out of the trunk of the car… or the back of the Subaru.

I don’t know if I hadn’t lost the weight if I would be able to do this.

I also don’t know… with Covid and RA and everything else… if I would be as able to maintain anything and everything as easily as I am. I don’t know, with Covid and everything, if I would even be here.

It’s not easy. It’s not even kinda easy. But I can’t imagine how much harder it would be 55 pounds ago.

Looking at the difference between these pictures… the difference a year makes… it’s hard to believe it was just a year…

My why has evolved. My why will continue to evolve. I know that eventually (2023?) it is likely to circle back to being able to maintain a 14 minutes mile… this time for 3 miles… 6 miles… 13 miles… and 26 miles (the Goofy at the very least… probably the Dopey)… in Bear’s honor (Goofy is his favorite… ).

Given the state of the world… stress… social distancing… stress… I should have gained a good bit of it back. I know that there are a lot of people struggling with putting weight back on. And here I am… not… not putting it back on… not really struggling with it. Just… not.

Walking helps. I really love 99 walks… just signed up for a year… it isn’t nearly as cool a bling as medals… but this bling I know is honest and that I earned the bracelets.

Races will come back. Some day. When they do my head will be in a whole different place. But hopefully I will be nearly where I am now. I know Monkey Butt would like to see me at 143 (Mr Rogers… I is 1… Love is 4… you is 3) because it would just be cool to be Mr Rogers (right now, that for me is a thing)

Looking at life right now… I’m really glad that I started WW (even if I started with a huge number of doubts) when I did. I’m glad I got to where I am so I can be where I am right now.

I would not wish this adventure on anyone… but I’m glad that I got here so I can be here where I’m needed…

:/

Love and Light
AprilJoy
8/9/20

One response to “Why…

  1. We were contemplating our why in our meeting last Sunday. Health? Several people said that. Happiness? Well a few. Wholeness, control. ? both good reasons.

    My why? its because a doctor said i could not do it. Do not ever tell me I cannot do something. Because will insure I will do it. Works every time.

    Like

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