Hit By A Snowball

I don’t think it was a Kaitlin’s Cauze snowball, but I guess it could have been.  Regardless, this morning I was hit by a snowball, and it was great.

I woke up this morning totally not feeling the fact that it is the last day of the week before Christmas.  I have really not been feeling the whole Christmas deal as much this year and this morning I was just really feeling totally sad.  Not a really Bah Humbug way, just kind of sad that the whole season is almost over. I’ve missed having up my whole heard of Christmas Decorations… I’m missing “home” a lot this year.

I am at peace because my daughter is doing better with her kidney and with her epilepsy (we are even having an EEG right after Christmas to see if maybe we can start weaning her from Keppra.  Now to tackle having her knees better…

I’m worried about my son who is probably following in my footsteps with RA and Raynauds and who had a seizure on Wednesday night.  The RA/Raynauds was concerning enough for a 20 year old.  But the seizure really scares me.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

I’m worried about bear’s kidneys and uric acid levels and gout.

I’m thinking that it was just two years ago that I was diagnosed with RA.  I’m relieved that the Humera seems to be working and I don’t have to worry about what the next steps are.  I’m hoping that maybe eventually I will be able to wean back a little on methotrexate and maybe grow just a little of my hair back.

I took extra steps this morning, getting ready for work, I wore my poinsettia turtle neck (yay it is only going to get into the 40s today so it won’t be TOO too warm) AND my jingly Holy and Ivy crocheted cape (mid calf) to get me in more of the spirit.

I decided to stop and splurge on a cup of way overpriced Peppermint Mocha coffee (the giant size).  I got a gift card from the optometrist a month or so ago for filling out a survey and I thought it would be a great way to make myself feel less like not hauling myself into town to work in a company that is trying SO HARD to raise morale but that isn’t doing ANYTHING other than giving us the official holiday off and that only probably because it is in the employee handbook as being a holiday.

Yeah, see, it is totally not feeling like the holidays to me…

So I stop and pull out the gift card (and the extra change that it will take to pay the difference) and give myself a present of peppermint.  I pulled around to the window and was handed my drink and, with a smile, the girl in the window told me that the truck in front of me paid for my drink.  I almost cried.  I had been feeling so guilty about taking the money (even if it was free money from the card and even if it was only change to make up the difference) for the coffee.  I knew the card money would make my squirrel girl happier than even the yummy coffee would make me and I really should keep it for her.  And… SMACK… out of nowhere… I got hit by a pay it forward snowball.

So here I am… two hours later… nursing the remnants of my peppermint mocha.  i have the green stick that I guess is supposed to capture the steam and keep it warmer or something in my trusty pocket sized journal as a reminder that when you are feeling totally crappy sometimes something sneaks up on you and reminds you that a smile is just sometimes a matter of the smallest things, or how you look at whatever it is you are looking at.

I needed to be reminded that I really am lucky and things really could be a lot worse (they really could) and at least we have friends and we have each other… and the WHOLE world has each other if we want it to…

So here I am, jingling softly and remembering that sometimes you just have to smile because you have to smile and the season is in your heart.


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