So, here I sit, January 2, 2012 looking back and looking forward.
I’m trying, this morning as I wait for coffee to finish so I can warm my cold achy hands around the cup, to decide if there is anything I would change from the past year. If I knew then what I know now kind of thing…
I would have gone to the doctor way sooner when my back was bothering me. I would not have waited until I was falling down in the middle of the main street of town before I went to see why I was stumbling and why I was loosing control of my foot. The injections in my back were NOTHING compared to the fear and the angst that not going caused.
I would have probably still gone through with my arm surgery. The range of motion and the less pain in my arm is great. I would probably have thought longer and harder about it had I know that enbrel wasn’t going to come back with the same effectiveness as it had before. I’m kind of glad that I didn’t know what the ultimate outcome would be because that might have swayed my decision.
I’m wondering if my decision to fix my wrist has pissed of my RA to the degree that it appears to be now… My left hand (really? my LEFT hand? eeesh) big knuckle of index finger (bump there), thumb and the thumb side of my wrist aches most days… sometimes all day (especially if I don’t take anything and I neglect putting on my Tiger Balm soon enough). My right hand, knuckle bump, achy in big knuckle of index finger.
Humira seems to have started helping my tootsies. They are hardly stiff and achy in the morning. Is it a trade off? Probably. Sigh. Makes me wonder what this year will bring.
I don’t know how much harder I could have pushed to get squirrel girl’s Nephroptosis diagnosis. I think it had to happen when it happened. I’m just glad it DID happen and that she is better. It taught me that many many many doctors are self-serving and they have distinctive quack when they talk to you… makes me wonder if that is why they have Doctor Bills… hmmm… but there are doctors who are honest and have a clue.
I would have done what I did near the end of the fall college semester. I stuck my neck out REALLY REALLY far and took a chance that I would make my son’d best friend really angry with me. He isn’t… and he is safe and alive and off the prescribed meds that were messing with his feelings and judgement.
Now, coffee done and Tiger Balm applied, I look at the coming year. I have a slew of sticky notes with motivational sayings on them ready to apply to random public places. Everyone needs a little ray of sunshine and I’m making it my mission to be that ray of sunshine… if it kills me… I’m finding it to be a marvelous adventure. I wish I had any idea about anyone who finds one of them… but… I will just keep posting them and thinking about how wide the ripples of my weirdness and my small pebble of kindness might reach.