Changing The Way I Do Things…

Yesterday was a crappy day even with going for a walk early in the morning. That usually helps. It didn’t. My bulldog has his nickers in a twist and I can not figure out all that is wrong with him. … Continue reading

Trying Hard To Maintain Faith in Humanity

My new normal is taking its tole.

It’s not that I am minding being hold up at home for the duration. In fact, I’m quite enjoying it. The commute to work is amazing. My cube mates are equally as amazing (4 dogs).

What I’m not liking so much is watching the unwinding stupidity around me.

Spring breakers determined to party regardless of the consequences.

Beaches full

tons and tons and tons of snark on facebook

What hit home hardest last night was when there was a news 8 article on one of the local distilleries converting from liquor production to hand sanitizer production. They are giving away a free small bottle of sanitizer to first responders, emergency workers and elderly. I asked (given that the governor announced that we are pretty much going into lock down tonight) how exactly you travel there for a small bottle. The question was actually kind of legit.

If you are elderly (or others who are at risk), you’re supposed to be extra super duper diligent on social distancing. How many people do you think are going to suddenly show up for free crap, especially when free crap includes something that is currently being hoarded by pretty much a bazillian people. I’m SURE that it will be limited to the 10 people that is currently the Ohio recommendation for gatherings… yeah, sarcasm implied.

I was amazed at the bullying and mean snark I got for the question. Yes, I know how to back out of my driveway thank you. Yes, I know I can spend $100 to get an uber to take me to get my $1.25 bottle of sanitizer… thank you. Yes, I know I can get on my bike and ride 40 miles for, again, a $1.25 bottle of sanitizer, thank you. Yes, I know the governor doesn’t have armed guards at my door keeping me in. THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Bear CAN NOT BE EXPOSED TO MORONS WHO ARE TOO STUPID TO BE HUMAN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Please assume that I am just too absolutely stupid to know that I can legally leave my house. I can not morally allow my husband to go nor can I (as someone who is immunocompromised) in good conscience take a chance that I’m going to be within a foot and a half of someone too stupid to not be out if they are sick.

I think the comment that sent me over the edge was when one very nice gentleman (SNARK IMPLIED) told me to stop being a sheep and just bleeping go.

I don’t think I’ve ever been called a sheep before in my life.

Spent a good bit of time last night locked in the bathroom crying because I have been so disillusioned by people. People are feeling justified in bullying other people because F$#( you that’s why. People seem to think it’s a joke… that the people who died had it coming because you know we need to thin the herd from all of those of us who are apparently a drain on society.

There have been people who I have been close to who have made the comment that they hate people and I’m just aspie enough to take that to heart (because I’m a people and I hope I’m not mean or quite as stupid as I apparently appear) but now I completely and totally understand the sentiment.

There are some beautifully wonderful bright spots in my life because of all of this ugliness that is COVID 19 but it has been pointed out to me by my son that I have lost a great deal of my Mary Sunshine-ness and he thinks that it will probably never come back.

I’m afraid he’s right.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at people in general and think that they are all doing the best that they can under the circumstances. I think that there are just some people who are not worth that much consideration.

Love and light

Look For The Helpers…

Let me start by saying… I have always been disgustingly Mary Sunshine. I can’t really say I’ve ever actually been a Pollyanna, but definitely Mary Sunshine.

Adam pointed out today that, if Covid 19 pandemic has done nothing else, so far, to make him really really angry, the fact that it has taken the Mary Sunshine-ness away from me is it. He says I’ve lost that and he thinks I probably won’t ever really get it all back.

He’s probably right.

This whole mess has completely and totally destroyed my faith in humanity.

I look at the people out there profiteering (or trying to) off of other people’s fears and misfortune and it hurts my heart.

I look at the rhetoric and derisiveness that is EVERYWHERE and it makes me want to plod through my Facebook feed and block block block block block because people can’t just freaking suck it up and be human to one another without pointing fingers and slinging mud… from the top leadership to the very most simple of us.

Look at me! Woohoo me

Look at that… that blah blah blah blah blah…

Whine whine whine

here comes the freakign WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance crybaby.

My disgustingly up beat attitude has taken a decidedly dismal turn.

And then, something happens. Something simple and stupid and magical happens. It doesn’t put back the Mary Sunshine, but at least it gives me a little hope.

Image result for look for the helpers

In the middle of this mess, the doorbell rang. Yes, it sent my dogs into fits because PEOPLE were at the door. Standing on the porch was the neighbor. He just wanted to stop by and check on us to make sure we are doing okay. Do we need anything? Can they pick us up anything? Are you sure we are doing okay? Don’t hesitate to ask.

The same day, Adam was talking to me about Fred Rogers and how we really really need another Fred Rogers in this world. He’s right. We do. He read me the quote in the picture… Look for the helpers. Look for the helpers… look for the helpers

And he’s right.

Look for the helpers. There are always helpers. There really are people who care who will go just a little out of the way to help. Keep your eye out for them and when you see them… thank them, even silently.

Today you… tomorrow me…

“There are three ways to ultimate success:
The first way is to be kind.
The second way is to be kind.
The third way is to be kind.”
~Fred Rogers

I hope with all of my heart that I will always be able to be one of the helpers and that I never take for granted the help that is offered.

Love and Light


Life during Covid 19, a whole new semi-normal

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It’s an incredibly scary time we are living through right now. As one of the “fragile”, “vulnerable” people who are most susceptible to Covid 19, it is scary. For someone who loves someone who is even more fragile and vulnerable … Continue reading


Coronavirus… dum da dum dum DUUUUUUUM

So, the governor of Ohio has declared a state of emergency. There are three confirmed cases of Coronavirus in Ohio (coincidentally, also in the county in which I live). This shit just suddenly got to be less academic for me … Continue reading

Corona Virus, Paranoia, and hand sanitizer

So…. The corona virus is a thing. And people, suddenly, have started taking notice of being careful (sometimes overly careful) of germs… of noticing the things that I have had to notice for years. And many of them are also over reacting.

And I’ve started to be even a little more cautious than I had been being anyway. I have been doing the use your knuckle or elbow on the elevator thing. I rarely if ever open doors with my hands. I sing happy birthday twice in my head when I wash my hands. And I use hand sanitizer. Not HOLY CRAP amounts, but there are times when I use it because it is prudent.

Yesterday, because I suddenly got overly scared, I sent Monkey Butt out to see if he could find hand sanitizer. There is none to be had in Strongsville. None. Not at Giant Eagle. None at Walmart or Target. None at Marcs or the dollar store. None.

It is the winter of not having to stock up on bread and milk and toilet paper (not a big snow yet this year), it is the winter of there being a huge rush on hand sanitizer.

But I went online (go figure, right?) and I found where you can do it yourself hand sanitizer. So, while he was out, I had him look for alcohol and aloe. I was anticipating aloe gel (the stuff you see/get in the summer in the sun screen isle… vitamin e and aloe gel). What he found, and brought home, was a gallon of aloe vera. Liquid aloe. 100% aloe in liquid form. Interesting. He also, finally, found alcohol (most places were out of that as well… ) and brought home $9 worth of stuff.

I have had tea tree oil.

I don’t have lavender essential oil… and that kind of makes me sad panda because it would make it even better… but I made do with what I have. And since it is all liquid, I put it in an alcohol spray bottle that I already had… mixed it up… shook it real well… and decided to give it a try…. it’s awesome.

I used 1 part 91% isopropyl alcohol, 2 parts liquid aloe, and 20 drops of tea tree oil (essential oil).

It smells pretty good

It is strong enough alcohol to kill whatever needs killing when soap and water are not around.

And it has an amazing side effect that commercial hand sanitizer doesn’t seem to have no matter what kind I get… it leaves my hands not dry but soft… like I just used lotion.

Now, I just need to find some bottles I can put it in in my purse and backpack to carry with me (the squirty bottle is too big) and I will be a very very happy panda.

Now that I figured out how to mix this up on my own, I can always have some made up and not have to worry so much about, necessarily, touching things. I will still worry… yay imunocompromised… but I will have a less harsh way of dealing with worrying after touching money or buttons or the table at any restaurant.

Love and Light
April Joy


The End Is Finally In Sight

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It’s Monday. I have coffee (yay) and quiet (also way yay). The dogs are being giant butts but they are happy and having fun so also a yay. I have been working on Bathroom Remodels since the beginning of the … Continue reading


Keeping It Real

The cold has finally (maybe? maybe not) settled in for a bit. It has kind of pretended to snow. It was supposed to have melted by the overnight but it didn’t. Instead the rain on snow in the freaking cold … Continue reading


A Week of “Vacation”

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It’s already the 12th. I have not been to work since about Christmas. My plants are likely not happy with me at all. I hope I haven’t killed them off completely. I took off so I could work on Palliative … Continue reading


Happy New Year 2020

Today is the first page of my next 365 pages. Today, I start 2020 feeling like a failure. I know I’m not. I get it. I totally get it, but it’s the way I feel so it is in some … Continue reading