Flaring

Wow… there is something to be said for not starting to feel better… If you stay hurting and feeling like crap for the most part… you don’t notice so much when you have a day when you feel way worse.

Today is a way worse… wow…

I’m guessing this is what is considered to be a true flair… not just stress causing me to feel crappy.  Both hands and wrists are way stiff and sore.  Breathing feels… weird (no mom, not bad… just kind of odd).  I hadn’t even taken aleve for a couple days… that’s not going to happen today.  Fingers on computer keyboard keys are… clunky and slow.  Ankles and feet are feeling stiff and ouchy… back is even stiff this morning (but that may have been from a short crappy night’s sleep).

I have work that HAS to be done by noon today and I’ve already taken 3 aleve and I’m thinking that advil might be a good idea to add into the mix… and much as I figure coffee at this point in the day would be a heavenly idea… the one cup (okay… the size of the cup means it is probably 2 or 2.5 cups of coffee…) I’ve had means I’m a bit jittery.  There is something to be said totally for having to work from home when you start working in the middle of the night… at least I don’t have to look human today (sorry guys… but at least I’m locked away at the desk and not in the living room for the most part)  and I don’t have to drive my butt into work and be pleasant for the most part.

All I want to do is go back to bed, crawl under my big fluffy blanket, and hold on tightly to my giant Eeyore… I wish that was an option.  Sometimes it sucks being the only one that can do something… sometimes it sucks really bad.

Knuckle bump is still almost gone so I think that the MTX is really working for the most part and that this is just a flair… or what I read into flair… this is so a learning experience.

There is something to be said for not feeling better gradually… I would so not have noticed a day like this as much if I hadn’t really started to feel human again.

On the plus side… I called Rheumy yesterday and found out that the black and blue marks (bruises… the nurse didn’t know what black and blue marks were… REALLY???) aren’t due to my RA… they are just bruises.  If they continue, see PCP.

Okay… cool beans.  not a huge deal.  I will just keep an eye on things.

OH… one thing that made me smile all over yesterday… I have friends at work who read what I write and make a point to ask about it.  One who my daughter really likes from our Race for the Cure walks sought me out to ask about her.  That was really nice yesterday.  Made dd and I both smile.  The other one was having a crisis over his partner loosing his job and having a major life sucks kind of day of his own and he asked about her, too.  It was kind of funny being able to honestly say… it is only epilepsy… but in all reality it really is only epilepsy.  Kind of like RA… in the grand scheme of the world… it could be so much worse than it is.  No, it isn’t fun.  Yes… if I could find a way to undo what she has… I would in a heartbeat. But it is controllable and the meds are better than they were for her as her body adjusts… just like the MTX.  The side effects kind of leave a lot to be desired, but sleeping through the effects is way better than not sleeping through most of them and it only makes one day a week totally crappy…

now… to go back to cloning my databases…

Happy Wednesday…

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