Just a Hysterectomy

Got your attention, huh?

The reaction to that statement seems to be kind of varied.

My OB-GYN (who is an AWESOME doctor… I lucked into one with a good bedside manner when I went on a panic stricken hunt for a doctor) looked at my age and the size of my fibroid, reminded me that I’m 47 and staring down the barrel of the menopause gun anyway so… this will just shave 4 or 5 years off of waiting. And hey… there is a really good chance that in one fell swoop he can get rid of 85% of my migraines… so… hey… True he is a male so has a different slant on the whole hysterectomy thing… but I really liked the up-beat!

— face it… it is an 8 cm fibroid tumor that wasn’t even on last year’s MRI.  That apparently meets the criteria of fast growing.  It is causing hip pain that, if I don’t take industrial strength napproxin, is almost debilitating

My mom promised she wouldn’t fall apart and cry all over the place like was done to her by her mom when she got her breast cancer diagnosis.  I’m pretty sure she was kind of full of shit.  She cried.  She just did it half a country away, so I didn’t see the falling apart.  I could be wrong.  I don’t think I am.  She is more okay with it now than she was…

My friend from way up north… she thinks there is a lot of irony in the “just” part of just a hysterectomy.  Maybe there is, I’m not sure.  Honestly, if the worst that happens to me in this little… adventure… is they do a hysterectomy, I will be glad.  I know the reality of surgery.  I will have to stop taking my methotrexate.  I will have to stop taking my humera.  I’m not sure for how long in either case.  I do remember what happened last surgery I had.  I had to stop my enbyl (then) and restart it in two weeks.  I missed TWO injections… and it set me back a YEAR in battling RA.  And now I’m looking at another surgery and having to stop meds again.  I’m worried that my body is going to get pissed off again and I’m going to have to start over.  And this time, it is going to be infusions every 6 weeks.  Tied to my doctor’s office forever and ever and ever… every 6 weeks.

I’m thinking I may just schedule the surgery between humera injections and forget that I’m supposed to stop taking it… and… maybe keep on going.

Yeah… it is a very weird statement that I’m just going to have to have a hysterectomy.  But in the grand scheme of my world… if all I have to do is have surgery to remove the tumor and whatever goes along with it… I can live with that.

Will I be okay?  Yeah… I will be okay.  Thousands of these surgeries are done every year.  My doctor had done thousands himself.

Will I worry?  Sure.  It’s what I do.

But in the grand scheme of things I know that being on MTX for three years now has meant that I’m not about to have any more kids.  And if I don’t have to deal with migraines any more (or even only a few every once in a while) that is a bonus.

It’s just a new adventure.  I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring.  I’m not sure if I will keep feeling this way until I get through the surgery (or after)… but for now… it is what it is and whatever will be will be.

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