Is this what you see when you see me?

I’ve been sitting here, reading posts on a Facebook group about… do you or don’t you wear a mask? Do you or don’t you believe it’s a pandemic? Do you or don’t you bleat when you walk around all day long like the sheep you are?

And… Now I want to crawl under my desk and cry.

One of the comments had this picture…

Is this what you really see when you see me out wearing a mask in public? Is this what you see when I’m in Sheetz and I’m the only one not employed there who has one on? Is this really why I get the snarky (yes, I can hear you… you moron) comments, laughed at and stared at?

Well, you know what? Screw you if that’s your mind set.

My give a damn about what people think at this point is so below minuscule that those particles of give a damn would fit through even the best respirator. Gamma rays are bigger than the give a damn I have for your mind set.

THIS… this is one of the biggest reasons I wear a mask:

This is why.

And this is why

Am I a sheep? Fine, I’m a sheep.

I’ve been singing happy birthday twice in my head every time I wash my hands for so long I’m trying to figure out new songs that are at least that long that I know the tune to. I’ve been using hand sanitizer (handsitizer…) for so long that I have little bottles half full every freaking where.

I have stood in an elevator more than once trying to decide if I can remember what corner of my phone I used to push the button with long enough to clean it with one of the antibacterial cloths I make and carry with me almost everywhere.

You want to judge? Fine. Judge me.

I’m a sheep? Fine I’m a sheep.

And maybe I will end up following a buffalo off a cliff.

But if I can stop one percent… If I can stop one tenth of one percent of the chances that I will end up getting Covid… or the flu… or WHATEVER… a cold at this point… then yeah, I will wear one.

Will it stop everything? No. Hello… yeah, I’m sheeply but I’m not an uneducated sheeply. I know I’m not going to prevent everything and yeah, maybe I’m stupid and it won’t stop anything. But you know what… that’s on me, not on you.

Please, kindly remove the stick from your ass about what I chose to do with my life and the lives of my family and I will do the same for you. I won’t shove you forcefully out of the way when you stick your arm in my face. I won’t deliberately ram my shopping cart into yours because you can’t take the 90 seconds to walk the way the arrows on the floor direct even though in my head I’m doing just that. And I will wait for freaking ever when you decide that you are so much more important than ANYONE ELSE ANYWHERE and shove your way past me less than 6 inches away let alone 6 feet away because obviously shopping carts are just an extension of cars and you are so much more important than anyone and you are in so much more of a hurry than anyone else.

Yes, there are days when I have a panic attack just thinking about having to go into a Walmart at noon instead of 7 am. Yes, there are days when I sit in my car and have to mentally prepare myself to do much of anything. No, it’s not because I’m a sheep. It’s because I give a damn about my own health, the health of my family, and you know what… the health of society. I give a damn because so many other people seem to not give two shits and a poptart about anything but themselves and I need to do everything in my arsenal to protect myself from the stupid.

Love and Light
AprilJoy
6/15/2020