Category Archives: Covid 19

Finding Your Hope

Okay… life had changed. Life has WAY changed for pretty much everyone.

This morning I found how I need to cope

It’s Thursday. That means I needed to take out the garbage. Put on my jacket, picked up all the garbage bags and drug them to the bottom of the driveway. Dropped them where they go and decided that… hey… I have a jacket on and no dogs to “help”… I need to take a walk. So I did.

And this morning it made all the difference.

I video taped parts of my walk. I sent them to my cousin so she could show them to my momma (she’s one of the caretakers who have access to elderly people). I sent them to my mom to help her with her morning. Taking my walk at a pretty good clip helped too. I was going to take the whole “dog walk” we used to do when Peanut was here… but when I got to one corner short of where I was going to turn something told me I needed to turn early.

It was a goodwink moment.

I found something when I got nearly to where I turn to go home.

Someone put chalk art on the sidewalk. Heart (yin and yang?), someone playing in the sunshine, and… Have a nice day…

Now… when I decided to make my wall into a chalkboard, I went and bought a crap ton of chalk. Unfortunately sidewalk chalk is too hard and scrapes through the pain on the wall. White chalkboard chalk is great. I have a metric crap ton of sidewalk chalk.

And now, I have found what is my way of coping and my way of finding my Mary Sunshine. AND I have successfully infected my kids with my new obsession.

If I can help even one person… just one… in this amazingly hard time we are going through… to find a little ray of sunshine… then I have found my voice.

Irony has to be in the fact that Monkey Butt, this morning, also showed me this news story:

With spring actually starting to look a little like spring, and with the local schools not going back any time soon… maybe I can infect a few of the neighborhood kids with decorating the sidewalks. Maybe, as a small community, we can bring a little sunshine to people who are trying to fight their way out of darkness that is the current feeling.

Love and Light

Finding Yourself In The Midst of Chaos

We are all finding ourselves in the midst of chaos. It is all around us. It is falling down around our heads and threatening to bury us. And yet…

It’s been a rough couple weeks for me, mentally… physically… emotionally… but maybe… just maybe… I’m starting to dig myself out.

It’s Tuesday… the third week of whatever this is… sheltering in place… social distancing… whatever we are calling whatever this is trying to avoid as much of the outside world as is possible. I’m SUPPOSED to (according to the people who decide how to keep yourself sane and on track for working at home) get up and dress as if I were going to work every day. Guess who is totally NOT doing that.

Yep, this girl. My new “normal” dress is leggings and whatever athletic shirt seems appropriate for the day. Sometimes t-shirts… sometimes technical shirts (long or short sleeves) sometimes sweat shirts. And you know what? I can do my job just as well in sweats as I can in dockers and a sweater. Better in fact because it makes me happy and comfortable. Remarkable, I know. Who would have ever guessed it.

I’ve started to be way less focused on the things that piss me off. I have started to use the unfollow feature on Facebook for the people who insist on nothing but back biting and rhetoric. I have started to deliberately avoid the news conferences in the evening. I periodically watch Dewine at 2 pm. I check headlines for details and I rely on Monkey Butt to inform me how things are in the world. He’s my filter. It’s working for me right now.

I’m hunting down motivational quotes to center myself.

I’m taking pictures of things that make me happy.

And the kids and I are starting to put puzzles together. Once upon a time mom and I put puzzles together. I was very very little and I remember sitting in the living room at a card table, sunlight streaming through the sheers, putting together puzzles. It’s been what feels like a lifetime ago (and it really is) since I’ve taken the time to sit down and put together a jigsaw puzzle. Monkey Butt bought two at Walmart a couple weeks ago and we started the 500 piece one. I bought two on Amazon and this morning we picked up a quarter of a put together puzzle so we can put together the one that shows books on a bookstore shelf. Monkey Butt says he’s incredibly sorry that it has taken the current situation for us to do this but he’s really glad we are doing this and he hopes that it doesn’t stop when the the world stops turning turtle (new Mary Poppins… it’s a song worth listening to). I hope so too.

But now it has become an obsession. Hunting puzzles that speak to me (and there are many) and coming up with the wildest ideas of what to do with them later later.

And this morning I found the puzzle I want with all of my heart. It will take some saving up for me to be able to justify taking the money for it… but it is a two sided puzzle of Carl and Ellie from Up… it’s way more money than I can justify on a puzzle right now… but it is the puzzle that I need to do (since I am Carl and Bear is Ellie in our world)… I need to do the puzzle, glue it together, and put it between two pieces of glass and have it framed… it will hang in the window of my office. It may be after I’m really Carl but I will find a way to justify the money for that puzzle.

It’s funny… but putting these together has brought me as close as I’ve been to peaceful and chasing some of the Mary Sunshine clouds away than I have had since this scary shit started. I’m still scared but I’m finding small pockets of peace to bring me out of my terror.

With all of my heart, I hope you can find your little pockets of peace and sunshine.

Love and Light


A Sobering Reality…

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Yesterday we needed to get prescriptions and pick up some groceries. It wasn’t that I actually knew everything we needed to get… I knew we needed milk and bread. I knew Pepsi was on sale. I knew that chip chopped … Continue reading


Coffee Time

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Hello… I was actually going to say good morning but I guess that would depend on when you read and where you are. Is it weird that I pretend that I’m talking to one dear reader (a fictitious reader that … Continue reading

Trying Hard To Maintain Faith in Humanity

My new normal is taking its tole.

It’s not that I am minding being hold up at home for the duration. In fact, I’m quite enjoying it. The commute to work is amazing. My cube mates are equally as amazing (4 dogs).

What I’m not liking so much is watching the unwinding stupidity around me.

Spring breakers determined to party regardless of the consequences.

Beaches full

tons and tons and tons of snark on facebook

What hit home hardest last night was when there was a news 8 article on one of the local distilleries converting from liquor production to hand sanitizer production. They are giving away a free small bottle of sanitizer to first responders, emergency workers and elderly. I asked (given that the governor announced that we are pretty much going into lock down tonight) how exactly you travel there for a small bottle. The question was actually kind of legit.

If you are elderly (or others who are at risk), you’re supposed to be extra super duper diligent on social distancing. How many people do you think are going to suddenly show up for free crap, especially when free crap includes something that is currently being hoarded by pretty much a bazillian people. I’m SURE that it will be limited to the 10 people that is currently the Ohio recommendation for gatherings… yeah, sarcasm implied.

I was amazed at the bullying and mean snark I got for the question. Yes, I know how to back out of my driveway thank you. Yes, I know I can spend $100 to get an uber to take me to get my $1.25 bottle of sanitizer… thank you. Yes, I know I can get on my bike and ride 40 miles for, again, a $1.25 bottle of sanitizer, thank you. Yes, I know the governor doesn’t have armed guards at my door keeping me in. THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Bear CAN NOT BE EXPOSED TO MORONS WHO ARE TOO STUPID TO BE HUMAN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Please assume that I am just too absolutely stupid to know that I can legally leave my house. I can not morally allow my husband to go nor can I (as someone who is immunocompromised) in good conscience take a chance that I’m going to be within a foot and a half of someone too stupid to not be out if they are sick.

I think the comment that sent me over the edge was when one very nice gentleman (SNARK IMPLIED) told me to stop being a sheep and just bleeping go.

I don’t think I’ve ever been called a sheep before in my life.

Spent a good bit of time last night locked in the bathroom crying because I have been so disillusioned by people. People are feeling justified in bullying other people because F$#( you that’s why. People seem to think it’s a joke… that the people who died had it coming because you know we need to thin the herd from all of those of us who are apparently a drain on society.

There have been people who I have been close to who have made the comment that they hate people and I’m just aspie enough to take that to heart (because I’m a people and I hope I’m not mean or quite as stupid as I apparently appear) but now I completely and totally understand the sentiment.

There are some beautifully wonderful bright spots in my life because of all of this ugliness that is COVID 19 but it has been pointed out to me by my son that I have lost a great deal of my Mary Sunshine-ness and he thinks that it will probably never come back.

I’m afraid he’s right.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at people in general and think that they are all doing the best that they can under the circumstances. I think that there are just some people who are not worth that much consideration.

Love and light

Look For The Helpers…

Let me start by saying… I have always been disgustingly Mary Sunshine. I can’t really say I’ve ever actually been a Pollyanna, but definitely Mary Sunshine.

Adam pointed out today that, if Covid 19 pandemic has done nothing else, so far, to make him really really angry, the fact that it has taken the Mary Sunshine-ness away from me is it. He says I’ve lost that and he thinks I probably won’t ever really get it all back.

He’s probably right.

This whole mess has completely and totally destroyed my faith in humanity.

I look at the people out there profiteering (or trying to) off of other people’s fears and misfortune and it hurts my heart.

I look at the rhetoric and derisiveness that is EVERYWHERE and it makes me want to plod through my Facebook feed and block block block block block because people can’t just freaking suck it up and be human to one another without pointing fingers and slinging mud… from the top leadership to the very most simple of us.

Look at me! Woohoo me

Look at that… that blah blah blah blah blah…

Whine whine whine

here comes the freakign WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance crybaby.

My disgustingly up beat attitude has taken a decidedly dismal turn.

And then, something happens. Something simple and stupid and magical happens. It doesn’t put back the Mary Sunshine, but at least it gives me a little hope.

Image result for look for the helpers

In the middle of this mess, the doorbell rang. Yes, it sent my dogs into fits because PEOPLE were at the door. Standing on the porch was the neighbor. He just wanted to stop by and check on us to make sure we are doing okay. Do we need anything? Can they pick us up anything? Are you sure we are doing okay? Don’t hesitate to ask.

The same day, Adam was talking to me about Fred Rogers and how we really really need another Fred Rogers in this world. He’s right. We do. He read me the quote in the picture… Look for the helpers. Look for the helpers… look for the helpers

And he’s right.

Look for the helpers. There are always helpers. There really are people who care who will go just a little out of the way to help. Keep your eye out for them and when you see them… thank them, even silently.

Today you… tomorrow me…

“There are three ways to ultimate success:
The first way is to be kind.
The second way is to be kind.
The third way is to be kind.”
~Fred Rogers

I hope with all of my heart that I will always be able to be one of the helpers and that I never take for granted the help that is offered.

Love and Light


Life during Covid 19, a whole new semi-normal

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It’s an incredibly scary time we are living through right now. As one of the “fragile”, “vulnerable” people who are most susceptible to Covid 19, it is scary. For someone who loves someone who is even more fragile and vulnerable … Continue reading