Category Archives: Sjögren’s Syndrome

A New Tomorrow

At the risk of sounding like someone added something REALLY good to my Methotrexate I’m starting to think that there may be some very interesting mixed blessings that came along with my new reality.

Dealing with all of the interesting-ness that has been my life and the lives of my family… it has me started thinking more and more about what I love to do, what I have always loved to do… what I have always been very discouraged from doing. What I have been made fun of for doing.  What I’ve been encouraged by teachers to do but only teachers (who obviously know NOTHING anyway or they wouldn’t be teaching… except the one who encouraged me the most is actually following his dream too… just also putting food on the table at the same time)…

f

The Phoenix lives for 500 to 1000 years depending on what legend you read. Once that time is over, it builds its own funeral pyre, throws itself into the flames and as it dies, it is reborn anew, rising from the ashes to live another 500 to 1000 years.

Now… I think a lot about me, and who I am and what I want my kids to know they can do and how to live my dreams.  I feel like I have been through several lifetimes, if the 1000 years is only figurative.

I think my RA/Sjögren’s/Raynauds diagnoses helped me build my latest pyre.  The fire is taking a pretty good chunk of time, but slowly I’m climbing out of the ashes and learning to be me.  I’m learning that I may really have talent.  I’m learning that you are never too old to learn to take wing and fly.  I’m learning that dreams are dreams and they may evolve, they make slumber, but they are always there.

Gallery

That’s About The Size, Where You Put Your Eyes

Been humming the old Sesame Street song, That’s About The Size Of It… Here are the lyrics Oh everything comes in its own special size I guess it can be measured by where you put your eyes It looks big … Continue reading

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

Another year, Another chance to take stock and think about my Invisible Illness

1. The illness I live with is: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Raynaud’s Syndrome, Sjögren’s Syndrome
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2009
3. But I had symptoms since: 2007
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:  remembering that a compromised immune system means I have to think about everything I do, ABSOLUTELY everything… I can’t buy a glass of lemonade from the kid down the street without thinking about what germies might be flying around the drink, the cups, the hands of the little one.  What can I catch from the can of pop I would love to drink?  What can I catch from riding the elevator?  Hand Sanitize is my best friend.  It isn’t fair.
5. Most people assume:  I’m fine, I’m imagining things, their condition is way worse than what I may have, that if I take an advil I will be okay.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: having to take stock of how I’m feeling and determine what outfit will hurt the least putting it on
7. My favorite medical TV show is: anything on discovery fit and health
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my iPad
9. The hardest part about nights are: finding a position that will let me sleep
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) 12 (plus two shots a week in the stomach)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried many, and I know many don’t work
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: invisible, sometimes anonymity has its advantages…
13. Regarding working and career: some days are awful, some days not so bad.  Sometimes standing up after sitting for a few hours makes the pain an 11…
14. People would be surprised to know: that even though I’m pretty much controlled, it will hurt for the rest of my life to some degree
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: accepting that I have limitations.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: walk a half marathon very fast
17. The commercials about my illness: PISS me off.  I don’t mind being reminded of it, but don’t make it sound like either I can’t do anything or that if I just take your drug I will be able to spend 50 hours a week on the stair-master with a perky little smile.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Not having to think about what I could catch from whatever it is I’m doing.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: the concept that I’m okay and I will be okay
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Telling people about the fact that it totally sometimes sucks to have RA, but life is livable and you CAN do something, even the small things, to make yourself smile.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: go to Disney, carry everything I want to carry, and walk all day long without thinking about how bad my feet and hips and ankles are hurting
22. My illness has taught me: that I have limitations
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: Oh yeah, my grandma has Arthritis too.  Have you tried Advil/tylenol/excedrin/aleve?  NO… you know what, I never ever THOUGHT to try pain meds to try to push the pain and lumps and bumps back into the background.  THANK you for enlightening me…
24. But I love it when people: ask, talk, smile, and even gentle hugs
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
It isn’t good, it isn’t bad, it is just different
and…

Be The Best of Whatever You Are
Poet: Douglas Malloch

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley-but be

The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

If you can’t be a bush be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;

If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass-
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew,
There’s something for all of us here,

There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.

If you can’t be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun be a star;

It isn’t by size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of whatever you are!

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: your life isn’t over… some days suck, some days are beautiful.  Live in the beautiful and carry those days into the days that suck.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I can do it…
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: a hug and a cup of tea
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I have one, I life one, WAY more people live with it than anyone realizes… and it matters
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: grateful, hopeful, like I may have accomplished something….

Gallery

Out Of The Shadows and In Your Face…

Okay… let me start out by saying I didn’t realize just what a raw nerve this was with me until I read the response to this…and I will warn you this is a rant… This all can be found here… … Continue reading

Just Another Manic Monday

Not really so bad… actually kind of quiet.  It is drizzly and cold… my fingers and toes are freezing and I hate it.  I know that it is something that just goes with me being me but I hate that I can never keep them warm.

Coffee is wonderful.  Got up and made a pot so the squirrel would have her coffee for breakfast.  Got her up and she took her blood sugar count (171…I hate not knowing… I hate worrying… I hate not being able to give her answers).

Now… just nursing a headache and watching daytime tv.  I love pager comp time.

I’m trying to get my behind in gear, too, to get going on the half marathon.  I want to be able to put something together to video tape the ‘race’ so I can share the experience with everyone… I could try to do it with ustream but I think I probably ought to keep my phone charged in case I need it to be a phone… it would be great to be able to share real time… but I think maybe sharing it later would be way better…

We were going to go for a walk to give the insurance card to the pharmacy today… but given the rainy yuk and the not quite 40 (the damp makes that feel yukkier than it should be)…maybe not waking quite that far would be a better choice….

Does anyone know anything about Raynaud’s Syndrome?  From what I can figure out (and what I remember Dr Booth telling me) that is probably what the deal is with my fingers and toes.  Not that it is a really rare condition (one of the websites I found said it is about 1 in 20 people have it and most are women… but most have it as primary condition, not as a result of things like RA and Sjögren’s Syndrome).  I guess that the best thing I can do about it is keep taking the hot bath that I’ve been doing to warm up my fingers and toes (and hang out in my fingerless glovies)… and buy warm socks ( hows that for irony Warm Socks!!!).

I’m thinking that I may have to invest in a domain name… and make myself a real website… any thoughts…

Gallery

My RA Story…

I was talking to my mom this week and she asked me how it started.  I realized that I probably haven’t ever really written down my story… so (as I sit here with the rain tapping on my window and … Continue reading

Gallery

It’s my pity party… get over it

It’s a crappy day.  It is going to be a crappy day… it has been a crappy day since yesterday afternoon.  Deal with it.  I will get over it… you can enjoy the party with me or you can ignore … Continue reading

Restasis

well… Here I am… Restatis and my second dose.  They come in “individual”  use package s… 30 uses in a box… 2 boxes a month.  The pharmacist said try to make one tube do both eyes and if there is any left in the package when you are done, throw it away (THROW AWAY $250 a month drops?  HELLO!!!!).  You put one drop (it ends up that it can be a BIG drop) in each eye.

The eye doctor said it usually burns (not like HIS drops burn… that is right away… these seem for me to be a slow burn that lasts about an hour… not an “ow ow ow” burn… more just like they are dry and tired anyway).  He said it will take at  least 3 to 6 months to work.  That is a long time… but then I think that MTX took almost 9 months to get me here… so it really isn’t that long…

The adventure begins.

This week I’m thinking so much more about how all of this really IS invisible to most people (with the exception of anyone who actually stops by here…).

My mom thinks I need to be WAY more visible (since there aren’t a whole lot of people who stop by here) and take up motivational speaking.  Maybe that is another door to look at…

Gallery

The Invisibilty Factor

Happy (I guess happy…) National Invisible Chronic Illness Week. Realizing that this is the week to make invisibility visible… I’ve been thinking about just how many people I know (or how many people I might know) who have invisible conditions. … Continue reading

Sunday Morning Thinking

I’ve been digging this morning.  It is pager week, so we aren’t walking… it is going to get too hot too soon and I have to carry a heavy laptop and its power cord along with the pager and cell phone.  So I’m taking the opportunity to dig into what Dr Stephanie and Dr B (the optometrist) have been talking to me about this week.

The MTX needles aren’t as big as the flu shot needles (got mine yesterday) and even with the cost of the MTX meds, it is cheaper than paying to park at the dr office along with the gas and wear and tear… so… I’m going to suck it up and do it for myself.

The eye doctor said that the Epithelial Basement Membrane Dystrophy (EBMD) is actually getting a little worse.  The erosion on my left eye is about twice as big but not yet interfering with anything, so that is good.  He is all for the Restasis drops… twice a day.  He asked me what the chances are of my changing careers.  Really?  I enjoy what I do and I don’t know what else to do other than be me.  I don’t know if I could change careers.   Add in that I have reasonably decent insurance (if they do make some silly rules on some thing) and we are more and more relying on that insurance.  Pretty sure I won’t be changing any time soon…

So what have I learned this morning…

What is Epithelial Basement Membrane Dystrophy (EBMD)?

Epithelial Basement Membrane Dystrophy (EBMD) is a genetically influenced abnormality, which causes small islands of the corneas surface (epithelium) to improperly bond to the underlying tissue. Similar to newly laid sod, these islands of unstable tissue are susceptible to frequent erosions. Although not typically sight threatening, corneal erosions can be a chronic problem. They may alter the cornea’s normal curvature, causing periodic blurred vision. They may also expose the nerve endings that line the tissue, resulting in moderate to severe pain lasting as long as several days. Generally, the pain will be worse on awakening in the morning, or during the night. Other symptoms include sensitivity to light, excessive tearing, and foreign body sensation in the eye.

Between this and my Sjögren’s Syndrome… what am I supposed to do other than the Restatis?  I have this cool Dry Eye Treatment paper…

Stop using Visine or other get the red out kind of drops
Drink enough water (he freaked when I told him I was drinking about 3 quarts of water a day… he told me to divide my weight by 2 and that is how many oz to drink, I shouldn’t be drinking so much!!!… hm… that is about 2.9 quarts a day… damn… I have to measure like 2 oz less a day… really?   dork… )
Take regular computer breaks (LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL… okay)
avoid air blowing into your face
avoid ceiling fans even when sleeping
consider a room humidifier
evaluate your meds for dry eye side effects
use artificial tears 2 – 6 times a day
take oral supplements (omega 3 fatty acids, fish oil, 1000 mg 3 times a day)
use artificial tears oinrment at bedtime (gues he was never on pager patrol!)
start lid hygiene (LID hygiene?  huh?)
use restatis
be fit with punctal plugs (yeah… not so much)

So… the next chapter of the adventure commences…