Okay… just a heads up… I’m having a total poor me kind of day. It didn’t start out that way. I started out having a wonderful day. Yesterday I was told that the doctor usually has you come back a … Continue reading
I have been reading Poke The Box. There are those at work who think that reading is… a waste of time. Everyone is waiting to get picked. Everyone is waiting for people to tell us that it’s okay to do … Continue reading
And I don’t mean the horse drawn kind… I’m trying really hard to shake the sulky… almost depressed… kind of feeling I’ve been having. We are waiting for Skinny Butt’s AutoImmune blood test results to come back to verify what … Continue reading
Yesterday (at least yesterday morning) was a really bad time. It really was… Everything came crashing down around my ears and all I wanted to do was cry. Sometimes I forget things like… Dr Booth was incredibly impressed with how well my back shots did to improve my leg weakness in less than a week and how well my joints are doing on ebrel, even when I hadn’t taken it for three weeks. I’m down to 6 involved joints.. the base of two toes on each foot and two knuckles on my right hand. Knowing that there are things that are beyond my control that I want desperately to control in the lives of people who matter makes me feel very helpless sometimes.
Usually I can shake it off.
Not yesterday. Yesterday was just one of those days when I just wanted to cry… and I did.
This morning, it isn’t quite so bad. Actually, this morning I can start to wrap my mind around reality again. This is a good thing.
I got up this morning ready to squeeze my farmville animals and trees and my cityville buildings and fields and boats… ready for a cup of coffee and to take on the world.
I had a wonderful conversation with my cousin many miles away via text messages. I could picture him sitting listening to his rain and drinking his coffee half a country away. Made me smile, made me homesick, made me feel like I got a virtual hug. Thanks Andy. I needed it. Enjoy both your coffee and your rain. In fact, enjoy your rain just a little bit for me too.
The other thing I did this morning was that I read the responses to a post I added to RA Warrior’s wall on facebook last night. People there reminded me that, while RA kind of sucks. Okay, okay… RA sucks rocks on a good day… and on a bad day… well… but it has given me perspective that I can use to support my peeps… even extending “my peeps” to include special people I’m meeting all over the world.
I am currently 17 months down my diagnosis trail. I am over most of the “this isn’t fair”, the “why me”, the “no no no no no no”… and with the assistance of really interesting medicine, back to feeling way more like me again. I’m planning on going to the gym today with a lady from work at lunch time again! I’ve gotten my head around my reality. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking that I can actually help people deal with their new reality from a personal point of view.
That is a good thing. Because suddenly it matters very much that I can be strong to be leaned on during a newly nearly officially diagnosed peep. I can do this.
I don’t want to have to do this
but I can do this.
Okay, okay, so this morning I can look on it as an adventure. I’m still a little scared, but not as badly. It turns out that really awesome Rheumy’s know really awesome Orthopedists… Dr Lutz was awesome. He was honest … Continue reading
I have so fallen short of the whole post a day thing. Life has managed to bitch slap me and I am SO not taking it well. It has been almost 2 weeks since I went to visit my rheumy … Continue reading
Okay, the weekend is finally coming to an end. I’m sitting listening to the birdies and the house sounds realizing that I managed to keep reasonably busy for the weekend (including a 4 mile walk this morning which was probably not the best idea).
Tomorrow is back to school after spring break. It is back to work. It is the day I find out (probably) when my MRI will be.
I’ve been looking at old vacation pictures (go Disney World!!!) and listening to music and playing with my DS’s iPad. I’m ready for the other shoe to drop
A little more from the saga of People Like Me…
Warning… this is a little less positive… a lot less Mary Sunshine, and definitely not Pollyanna…
I’m sitting in front of a wide open window, birds are hopping around the back yard. Dandelions and what daddy called bumblebee flowers are blooming in the grass (what little grass there is, I’m thinking most of it is weeds). The bedroom isn’t cleaning itself. Oh well, sucks to be the bedroom. I will get there.
This week I actually caved in and went to the rheumy about my leg. I got tired of it feeling tired all the time and feeling like I’m half dragging my foot. Turns out I was right with the feeling.
There is a very slight chance this is associated with my Enbrel. Better chance it is associated with a herniated disk. X-Rays happened on Thursday. Followed closely by pouting and feeling sorry for myself. I did the requisite mourning… I think… at least for now. First of the week I “get” to have an MRI…
The look on Dr Booth’s face when she could easily push my left leg down… and when she couldn’t get the desired reflex reaction in my Achilles tendon… is stuck in my head and is one of the things that is scaring the crap out of me.
I wasn’t ready to buy a cane. But that is something I did today.
I’m scared. I don’t like being scared. But I’m back to (almost) being the eternal optimist.
Okay… let me start out by saying I didn’t realize just what a raw nerve this was with me until I read the response to this…and I will warn you this is a rant… This all can be found here… … Continue reading
I will admit it, I watch Clinton and Stacy on TLC’s What Not To Wear. I have a dream that someone will help me to get out of the fashion mess that I am and give me advice on how to buy clothes that I don’t have to cringe when I think about putting them on. Clothes that make me look more professional and less “lame” (there are days when I feel that way not only figuratively, but literally.
I would love to see someone who has something in their situation that causes shopping and wearing things that look good to be more difficult.
I want to learn how I can style my thinner and thinner hair.
What shoes can I buy that don’t look like Herman Munster shoes and that aren’t the dreaded running shoes that are comfortable flare or no flare.
What pants can I reliably wear that look like they are not “mom” pants or “man” pants?
What shirts can I wear that don’t make me look fatter and fatter but that don’t have teeny tiny buttons that I can’t fasten?
I don’t even care if I can get the MAGICAL $5000 clothing card… I just want to learn what to do and how to wear something other than elastic pull on pants and t-shirts.
There are a lot of us out here who would love to see someone “like us” to emulate.
Come On TLC. We want to know too…
Lots of quality Rheumatoid Arthritis Information from RA Warrior.
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A Figment Of Fitness 