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Okay… now I’m really depressed.

I was watching videos (actually transferring from tapes to DVDs and watching them) that we taped several years ago.  I am even more determined to loose weight.

I am huge… massive…

Yeah, I have lost weight… yeah, I have lost inches… yeah, I’m still loosing… but man… I so don’t want to look at myself ever again.

I’m depressed… I see what everyone else sees.  And I really don’t like what everyone sees.

I feel pretty good tonight.  50 minuites in the fog this monring (did you know that, if it is in the 50s and foggy it smells like a summer rain in western PA… it smells warm and acidy and black).  My knee hurts a lot so I didn’t actually go to the gym today… but I can deal wtih that.

Dr called today… lab work came back… sugar was 89… cholesterol total was 189… bad cholesterol was 111 (down from 132)

I have to go back for another set of lab work in 6 months but she said to keep doing what I’ve been doing… and keep up the good work

I’m not sure what keeps going on with my knee and my elbow (they hurt tonight… )… I’m wondering if it is arthritis.

DS made me a cup of pomegranate tea today.  It was way heavy with sugar but it was really good and it was so sweet.

It’s incredible how sweet kids can be… just when you want to be irritated with them, they do something like this… eesh.

I go to the gym at lunch. I would ‘just’ run at lunch, but the gym has a shower…

I have decided, though, that I must be doing something wrong. When I go to the gym… I try to work hard enough to work up a sweat. I figure working hard means making progress.

Today, I decided that I have to be doing something wrong.

The guy on the bike next to me rode for about 5 minutes at about 60 rpm at level 1…
the guy on the bike next to him wasn’t working THAT hard.
the girl on the other side of me had on beautiful makeup and her hair all done up nice… and she was probably working not real hard… level 1 by watching her… 45 – 50 rpm.

while I admit I NEED to work harder than little chick on the bike does… I’m pretty sure that most of the people who go just use the gym as a place to hide out and have some quiet time and do a little movement but nothing too strenuous.

Am I missing something?

Guys who use the weights do… two, maybe 3 ‘reps’ and then sit for 10 minutes.
Does that work?
AM I working too hard at this? Should I spend more of my time coasting less of my time trying to keep my heart rate up?

I thought sweating was part of making some kind of progress…

I must be doing this all wrong.

Trying to tool my life to be more healthy in all of the places that I can.  I know I can’t change the way I eat dinner to any great degree, but I’m trying to make the changes where I can.

This morning, rather than coffee, I drank tea.

Oh today was fantastic. I was selfish enough to go to the gym today (thank you company for paying for my gym membership… stress be GONE!!!) at lunch time. I bicycled for 30 minutes… it said I went 12 miles. That was so cool. Maintained my heart rate at between 142 and 144 bpm. Sweaty… man I was sweaty… and after I showed and went outside I froze (and it really wasn’t that cold!!!)

I fee so much better!

It was frosty in central Texas yesterday and I got to go for my ‘run’ in the chill morning.  It was a fantastic run.  Hubby said at least I wouldn’t come back sweaty but I did.  I ‘ran’ the first set that didn’t have a cooldown slow down in the middle.  28 minutes of continued higher speed music.  It felt fantasic.  I’m starting to believe that I’m really weird.

Why do I do this at 5 am?  I got to see some of the most amazing meteor showers the last few mornings. I get to see the world start to come alive.  It makes the rest of my day feel fabulous.

The rest of the week (the daylight part of the week and this morning) hasn’t been so fabulous.  Last night was “deployment” night and I got the dubious honor of working the deploy.  4.5 long hours on a bridge conference call mostly listening to dead air periodically interspursed with small chunks of time with lots of discussions on issues that arose from the deploy.  DUring the day this week, I have a consultant in helping me with some of my databases and meetings that corespond directly with lunch.  So I haven’t been to the gym at all this week and I won’t likely be.  Makes me feel less than marvelous and like a slacker.

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