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There is a very big difference between poking fun at someone (laughing with) and making fun of someone (laughing at).
I don’t so much mind (and will fight back at) someone poking fun at me… but when it has the distinctly irritating feeling of being laughed at… I start to get a little miffed.
Just remember… throwing stones when you live in a glass house sometimes doesn’t get you very far…

Isn’t it cool how that keeps happening… every day a new one… some a lot like the previous ones… some not so much.

I’m sitting here, looking over Adam’s poems, making sure his blog is up to snuff (mostly), figuring out what to do about graduation and College… reading about wonderful places other people have been traveling… and thinking.  There is a new Yoga program on FIT TV in a few min (Kundatini Yoga)  followed by something else, then followed by Namaste Yoga…  sounds like a promising morning.

I think I’m going to end up calling the Dr today (PC not Rheumy) about my blood pressure.  It isn’t as high as it was, but it is all over the place and I can’t seem to keep it consistently normal for more than a reading or two… and since MTX tends to drive it low… I want to be on the safe side.  I may not be put on any pills, but at least it goes on the record.

I don’t know what to attribute it to… whether it is to the fact that I’ve been aching and having the feeling like my hands are falling asleep…or my reaction to all that is going on in Squirrel’s life (or the fact even that everyone in the whole freaking world feels like they are ignoring me when I’m trying to bust my behind end to get a non profit… A Day Like No Other…on its feet and the first annual Round Rock Purple Day 5k planning under way)…or maybe even (in part) the fact that I got one physical birthday card and one e-card for my birthday last week… (and yeah… I have been feeling just a tad sorry for myself… and the fact that I got an email from my ‘sister’ telling me that she will still have to get those few Christmas presents that she threatened to send when Squirrel was in the hospital… in FEBRUARY…  and which she keeps telling me she’s going to have to get sent… because I believe her anyway… still waiting for my happy 29 birthday sweatshirt and I’m 45 now… )… yeah… I’m feeling a little sorry for myself.  The cake was wicked good… and dinner was wonderful…

Whatever it is… I have been in a hugely horrible funk for DAYS… walking isn’t helping… tea isn’t helping… yoga isn’t helping (even RA Guy’s meditation which sounds so wonderful isn’t working… ).  I can’t seem to shake the little black rain cloud that has been hovering over my head.

What’s really depressing… even Disney music isn’t working…

I was reading RA Guy’s blog this morning and I think that, if I make a truly concerted effort (truly scrumptious… she’s truly truly scrumptious… ) and really meditate… maybe that will help.

I will put in my copy of Tibetan Bowls and just… loose myself.

I can’t handle this feeling… it is just… so not me.

No… it actually was probably warm enough today to swim (I know it was the last couple days) but it is more the “Finding Nemo” version of just keep swimming… just keep swimming… What do we do?  We Swim…

Never been quite sure if Dory was just too dumb to stop swimming or if she was the eternal optimist…

I keep singing the song (sometimes in my head… sometimes… much to Squirrel Girl’s embarrassment… out loud… ) because I’m trying to remind myself to just keep on keeping on.

I’m so over having infected “ingrown toenails”… I just get one healed and another one gets going… It started on my big toe… first right one… then left one (never gets into my left one…)… now it is back to right foot and it is my next toe over (the equivalent of the pointer finger on your foot).

I’m so getting tired of all of this.

And I so know that it is something I’m going to have to keep swimming to deal with (I wonder if the pool water would actually help it… hmmm).

It was a wonderful walk today… Bear’s blood pressure is starting to normalize.  He’s still pretty gung-ho on loosing weight and cutting fat (and Pepsi) from his diet… He is even feeling guilty for eating some of my birthday cake Friday night and the accompanying ice cream (Bryers Neapolitan… YUM… It’s official… I’m old

Tomorrow afternoon is yet another Rheumy appointment.  Today was lab day (oh joy).  Now, I sit and take stock of how I’m feeling.  I have a nice hot cup of Chai White Tea (it was on sale this morning on the way to the lab and tea is becoming more and more of a staple) and I’m listening to the wind chimes singing through the open windows.

It is spring in central Texas.

I’m chilly (that, I think, is the biggest down side to feeling better from the MTX and my biggest complaint to the meds side effects… I’m TERMINALLY cold… I can fight the tummy yukkies… I feel like a dork at 77 degrees curled up with a blanket and wearing a hoodie).

Today, I’m counting my blessings.  My toes aren’t hurting (even after the 9 plus mile walk yesterday), not my ankles or my knees.  My knuckles are a little stiff (maybe a 2) but not hurting too much and my bumps are going down.  I have music to listen to (love streaming dtuneslive.com).  The sun is shining.  The windchimes are singing. Tea feels wonderful.  Squirrel hasn’t seized yet and her month is just about up (January 26, February 21… one more week until maybe I can take a deep breath).  Yoga is helping my mood and my breathing.

While we were on our walk yesterday, I was checking in with my body and realizing that I’m breathing better than I had been.  I’m not sure if I can put that down to any of the meds or not but I’m feeling better that way too.  It might be due to actually taking my singular every day too… something.

Oh, isn’t that a scary thought… ah well.

I have two days comp time coming (starting t

It is the first A day of the week (weird way the school has for scheduling classes) and therefore uniform day… which means I have to get Amandya up first thing in the morning (6 am) to “do” her hair (aka… put it in a bun) so she is ‘official’.  It always thrills her to have to get up an hour and a half early just to get her hair done, but not enough to learn to do it herself.

This morning I noticed that, for the first time in months, it didn’t hurt to put her hair in the too-tail holder or to push in the bobby pins (why are they called bobby pins??? ).  It made me smile.

We talk when I’m doing her hair.  Sometimes it is little more than a yawn-grunt on her part… but hey… she IS 15… I’m sometimes glad that she participates that much…

Today I call my rheumy and probably my insurance company (I made my annual deductible… not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing… all things considered… ) about whether the ambulance from er to emergency room will be considered an emergency… will be a busy day on the phone.

I hope this is an omen that it is going to be a good day… I could really use a good day.

Threw a shawl around my shoulders and threw open the office window.  The air smells so wonderful right now…. the breeze is cool, so the shawl feels great, and the breeze is kind of stiff, so “open” is only about 6 inches or I would have things blown all over the office… but hey… there you go.

There is a cold front blowing in… and with it comes the smell of spring (well… what passed for smell of spring back home… here, it smells like february…)

Okay… I’ve been mostly a black tea kind of person.   I like what my DS calls Flowery tea, but that is herbal… or literally flower petals… not flavored green tea.  I’m thinking that I’m going to trade some of the black tea I’ve been drinking in on Green Tea (maybe occasionally jasmine green tea).

I’ve been reading that 2 – 4 cups a day might help with the inflammation… and it tastes good and even eases some of the crappy feelings that I’ve been feeling with the MTX.

maybe…