Category Archives: Poetry

RA Flare

I don’t usually post my poetry here, mostly because somehow in my brain the poetry isn’t related to the rest of me…

It is National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) for poetry month (April)

I don’t usually struggle with poetry writing.  Usually it frees my mind and my heart.  This morning, not so much… today I struggle.  Today, the poem seems to be a good cross post…

 

RA Flare

Oh the full moon
this morning with the clouds
has a beautiful face

Where is the prednisone
why in the hell
did they put a childproof lid
on my freaking prednisone

Oh the coffee
smells heavenly
the creamy goodness is incredible

well hell
Broke another mug
shit I should have known it was too heavy
I guess it’s a plastic cup
kind of day

Oh thank you Kitty love
I love the way
your purrs make me smile

No don’t
not there
oh please
no no no
Sorry I scared you…
Didn’t mean to scream

Oh the peace of the morning
Sitting in the peaceful fog
windchimes sing

What, the oxy has childproof too
and even the dog’s tramadol
Someone get this knife
out of my shoulder
or get me a hammer
too much to do
got to get through

Attitude determines altitude
I can do this
I have to do this
I have to do this
I won’t puke
Find the center breathe
I think I can
I think I can

sigh

 

 

Author: April Wells
Updated April 7, 2015

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Stop Listening the The Nay Sayers

So… Here I sit… blog in hand… thinking.  Thinking about the messages that we hear from the time that we are young and what those messages teach us.  Last night I talked to my Dassie Girl a long time about … Continue reading

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Words…

You know… I’m finally coming to the place in my head and in my heart where I understand that I need to just stop fighting my own reality and give in and do something about it.  I’ve spent a night … Continue reading

Junkie

I am a junkie
I realize
as I draw the methotrexate into the syringe.
as fear grips my heart at the idea that
I won’t be able to get my drugs
as I push the air and ensuing drop
of the Etanercept
off the end of the needle

I am a junkie
I don’t get high
from my drugs of “choice”
I get nauseous
A headache
itchy and bruised
balding
and every time hopeful
That this time my fix
will chase away the swelly pain.

I am a junkie
An RA Junkie
hear my song
I live
from injection to injection
from week to week
The hope of “remission”
an elusive dream

 

see me

Do you see me
Really see me
The me I am
Not just the me I pretend to be

You see the clown
The In Your Face
The ham they voted me in high school
The activist
The colorful flag waving goof

I hide the anger
The pain,  the fear
I hide it from the world
Beneath a thin veneer.

The hurt in my eyes
in my soul
In my heart
is there for the world to see
but the clown is much easier
Safer
less you have to care

Do you see me
Do you take the time
To really look
And see what you are afraid to see.

 

 

 

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Night Creeps In

I’m sitting on the bedroom floor. Tv turned way quiet. Blankets and my trusty afghan piled around me. I’ll bet she never dreamed those years ago when she crocheted it all together how much use it would get… How much … Continue reading

Moon Slivers

Moon Slivers
Dawn Shivers
Morning Creeps up the sky
Day comes warmly
into the world
Chasing night clouds
Away

 

 

 

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Loneliness

 Loneliness Alone He sits alone Beneath the street light On the cool shiny red bench All alone But for the netbook cradled close In the lonely hours before the dawn He scavenges the bits and bytes From the library wifi … Continue reading

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Insanity in Green

She screams at the vacant spaces In the place where her internal demons scuttle Shit and silence and solitude Coil around Tripping her Tongue, feet, memory Gripping her Word with lonely fear and madness Sadness Ripping her Heart from her … Continue reading