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I got the cover proofs today for my latest book. It’s really beginning to be real. I found out yesterday that I will have the book proof to review first of February. It looks like the release date will be … Continue reading
I don’t usually post my poetry here, mostly because somehow in my brain the poetry isn’t related to the rest of me…
It is National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) for poetry month (April)
I don’t usually struggle with poetry writing. Usually it frees my mind and my heart. This morning, not so much… today I struggle. Today, the poem seems to be a good cross post…
Oh the full moon
this morning with the clouds
has a beautiful face
Where is the prednisone
why in the hell
did they put a childproof lid
on my freaking prednisone
Oh the coffee
the creamy goodness is incredible
Broke another mug
shit I should have known it was too heavy
I guess it’s a plastic cup
kind of day
Oh thank you Kitty love
I love the way
your purrs make me smile
no no no
Sorry I scared you…
Didn’t mean to scream
Oh the peace of the morning
Sitting in the peaceful fog
What, the oxy has childproof too
and even the dog’s tramadol
Someone get this knife
out of my shoulder
or get me a hammer
too much to do
got to get through
Attitude determines altitude
I can do this
I have to do this
I have to do this
I won’t puke
Find the center breathe
I think I can
I think I can
Author: April Wells
Updated April 7, 2015
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Sitting in front of my window watching out at the not quite yet winter storm round whatever round this is. We are supposed to get half a foot of snow by tonight. Should be interesting. I plan on surprising the … Continue reading
Yes, mother, occasionally I do shut up and listen! 🙂
and yes… this might JUST be one of those times.
I’m sitting here watching my movie copy to my phone (I know what I’m listening to today) and thinking. My fingers are kind of whining (It’s going to be a Tiger Balm kind of day, I can see it already) so I’ve been being gentle with them. The flu really kicked my butt and I’m trying to be gentle with myself in general. It’s not easy. I’m stubborn.
Over the weekend, I got my Royalty statement from Amazon. When I saw it, I rolled my eyes. My last one topped out at about… oh… a buck and a half. At the time I figured it was a fluke. People I knew, maybe, were being nice and coughing up the 99 cents for one of the essays I have out there. I filed it under “I get a new song” and left it at that.
To be fair, this one isn’t going to be a WHOLE lot more than that if it tops out at that much. But it made me stop, this time, and really look at it and think. The essays (I haven’t uploaded another one in a couple years) haven’t been publicized. I haven’t marketed them. They have just lain there, moldering in the the digital darkness growing dust, cobwebs and probably feeling lonely. And still a few people (not even a whole handful) found them, and bought them.
As the flu and lack of MTX have wreaked havoc on my hands the last couple of days (there has to be some irony there) I’ve thought about those facts and I’ve decided to shut up and listen.
I’m going to re-download the formatter for Kindle/iBooks/Epub (and re-download all of the garbage about the how-to’s and wherefore’s of publishing on different devices) and start putting a little more concerted effort into my writing. I’m not convinced I’m ever going to write the great American novel… but novel isn’t maybe where I’m supposed to be.
I’ve been thinking… and… I think it’s time I shut up and listen.
So, I’m sitting here having a text message conversation with someone who I used to work with. She is 4 months down the “just diagnosed” trail. Prednisone for 4 months, MTX for 4 months. She just switched to my Rheumy … Continue reading
Have you ever heard this? From family members? From doctors? From well-meaning coworkers? It doesn’t necessarily have to be about RA (or autoimmune disorders in general) but can really be about just about anything. In my case it is about … Continue reading
Okay, okay, so I don’t do this so much… talk about places I’ve been hanging out perusing… but I’m sitting here in a less than toasty hotel room reading the “free” issue of the newest UK Writing magazine I found on … Continue reading
So… Here I sit… blog in hand… thinking. Thinking about the messages that we hear from the time that we are young and what those messages teach us. Last night I talked to my Dassie Girl a long time about … Continue reading
I’ve been thinking a lot about hands. Between looking at, and thinking about, the pictures that RA Guy put together on Show Us Your Hands on Facebook and writing about those hands and other hands here and here and thinking about my new RA nodules, I have been thinking and talking a lot about hands.
Having hands that hurt or having hands that are twisted and that don’t work quite the way they were designed to work really does affect you. Until I was talking to a young friend of mine about hands today, and until he was talking to me about noticing how many things that we do every day with our hands, I guess I just didn’t really think about what all hands do or should do.
The one thing that hands do that is hardest to deal with when hands… well… don’t… is holding hands. When you hands hurt, it is hart to be willing to reach out to hold someone’s hand. It is hard, when your fingers are twisted (or overly lumpy and bumpy) to reach out and be willing to let people hold our hands, touch our hands. It is hard to comfort or take comfort from other people if you can’t reach out and hold someone else’s hand.
Thank you Christopher for being willing to listen and for understanding. Many people much older than you don’t and can’t.
I know what it is like to have someone see my hands, with their bumps and their scars, and explain in great detail how my hands give them nightmares. I have a couple little bumps and those come and go and aren’t ALL that obvious. The scars have been there, to one degree or another for…well… 14 years. Since I broke it and hand it fixed and had it rebroken and had it rebroken and carved up with cadaver bone put in (the dead guy in my arm story was really cool) and finally rebroken and carved up and fixed right. I’ve never been PROUD of my scars (and the butt head guy who told me at least when I tried to do it I did it right and I was lucky they saved my life when I committed the sin of attempting suicide… I paid someone a LOT of money to create that scar, thank you very much). I have rarely been ashamed of my hands and my scars. Until she pointed out that I give her nightmares.
But hands really are important. And when they hurt it can be inconvenient. I’m very grateful that mine are not to the point where it hurts to hold hands.
My hand (not sure if my mom quite realizes the significance of this picture or not) finally works. Or rather, my wrist finally works, the way it did before it was broken 14 years ago. That is amazing. I can hold my hand, palm up, without bending anything at an unnatural angle… I can hold BOTH hands beside each other and they are the same!!!
You know… I’m finally coming to the place in my head and in my heart where I understand that I need to just stop fighting my own reality and give in and do something about it. I’ve spent a night … Continue reading