At the risk of sounding incredibly bitchy… I’m still on a tear… about a lot of things. I have a hunch that this means that I am back with a vengeance (RA apparently not so bad…mtx working… achies beaten down for a bit). Or maybe it is because the achies are down… but only down to a 2 this morning… whatever…
Mom is applauding me for my courage… stupidity… whatever… but even after yesterday’s dumping on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell… somehow I’m still not done with my venting… I have things to say…
This morning I’m on a tear about work… go figure.
Start out saying… I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. Some need a Bill Ingvall Sign… but they are a great group of people. Until really interesting things started happening in my life I didn’t realize just what good friends I do have at work. But there are times when I just want to scream. Pretty sure we all have those days.
I have been starting to realize that my job is… a JOB. It isn’t my life. It isn’t going to be my life. I’m not going to let people assume that I am the local land fill and you can dump whatever you want on me whenever you want to and I will just welcome the extra piles. I have a life, or kind of something that passes for a life, and I’m going to start living it. And if you don’t like it… much as I enjoy what I do and where I do it… I CAN find something else to do… or somewhere else to do what I do.
I’m not working during graduation. I’m not working during the graduation festivities just because the day before the festivities someone decides that the day we planned on doing something wasn’t going to work out anyway and we needed to move it WAY sooner… you don’t mind do you. Yeah… you know what… I have plans. I do mind.
I don’t slack on what I do, typically. Today I’m working on documentation so it doesn’t LOOK like a lot is getting accomplished but if I work from 4:30 am to 3 pm and I document what I do and what has to be done, if I have to take time off <gasp> I can do so with a semi-clear conscience.
I look around and listen and hear the in depth conversation of the best place locally to buy wings… what color ceramic tile would look MARVIE in the kitchen… how fantabulous the golf game would be if only we had a stick or a club or a cane or even several pencils taped together….
I have done my stint of working 75 or 80 or more hours a week… and you know what… all that accomplished was making myself sick and getting told I did a good job, but could I just do this one more thing… I watch the people who think it would be dandy if I super-glue a kick me sign on my back and parade around the company with it in neon lights get promoted and promoted and promoted. I have said, sure I can work this weekend again… I have worked the last 5 or 6, one more won’t hurt. And… I’m exactly where I was before… working in a job that 6 months ago everyone said was a demotion… that everyone assured me was looked on as SO not an important job… and I’m still working almost every weekend and when I get a back bone and say no I can’t… it seems like I have set off a smoke bomb in the boys room….
I have decided that I will do my job, and do it to the absolute best I can. But when I go home (on weeks that I don’t have the pager) I am HOME… and I don’t log onto the network any more. Not popular, probably… no, I take that back… not popular definitely… but sucking it up and trying to be miss popularity didn’t accomplish anything anyway. My family matters to me at least as much as everyone else’s family matters to them and you know what… I am darn sure I’m going to start demanding the same treatment as everyone else seems to be able to get away with.
I may not ever amount to anything more than I am now… but I’m tired of thinking that amounting to more is all that matters. It isn’t going to happen and… making myself sick isn’t going to make it happen any faster.
So… now… back to documentation and this afternoon we pick up the graduation cake. Sponge Bob, Patric and Squidward (ooooo and jellyfish) will grace his graduation cake. I got the weirdest look from the HEB lady when I told her it wasn’t birthday it was for graduation (not the standard cap and gown graduation cake) but she thought about it and smiled and thought it was great because it is the kind of kid he is.