— WARNING… downer post… rant… stressed… not a pretty site.
It has been a really stressful couple weeks and I’m trying really hard to figure out how to deal with everything. I’m failing miserably at it.
Monday was Nephrologist appointment for Amandya. I don’t have any faith that anyone will be able to tell us anything ever. She is too young to have kidney stones, but not only does she have them, they are growing. Huh… there isn’t any reason to have them. Oh well. They are probably just kidney stones. Maybe we will just wait. Maybe we will change her diet to take salt out of it. Maybe we will give her meds, or maybe not. Since we don’t seem to know why, we might just wait to see if it gets worse (since it has been getting worse, hmmmm…. naw… maybe having a professional tell us to wait it out will make them better). Probably. We are at least doing something to figure out what is with the protein in the urine… she is doing a 24 hour urine test (only the sixth or eighth in the past year)… this one is day/night test… day goes in one bottle and night in another bottle to see if she only produces excessive protein when she isn’t laying down. She can’t lay down at all after she gets up today until she goes to bed. She can sit. She can stand and walk. She can’t lay down. MAYBE this will tell us something. If it says she has the innocuous positional kind of proteinuria everything will be dandy. If not… well.. um… I don’t know. If the doctor can’t tell me next steps, WHO CAN?
Wednesday was her appt with the Psychiatrist to change her bipolar meds. Here is to hoping that these ones don’t make it worse. They don’t seem to be making it worse yet. I’m hoping that Abilify is better for her body than the last ones.
Tuesday we were told that we were going to have to move cubes. It is the annual flocking of the geeks to new digs. We were supposed to be moved on Friday probably… NO WAIT first thing Thursday. Wednesday we moved. I had to move 8 minutes before I had to leave for Amandya’s nephrologist appointment. On Your Mark, Get Set… NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW… duck and run… scramble scramble scramble.
I have to stop my Enbrel on Wednesday. It will be the last I take for at least a month. I’m scared. I have to stop my MTX on Friday. Again, for at least a month. What is this going to do to my RA?
Apparently bipolar means that you want what you want NOW… so we are dealing with the desire to change phones (again) this time to an iPhone. Her contract will let her change in August 2012. She is melting down. I’m the one she melts on.
Adam’s contract is up. He wants a different phone… His will be reasonably inexpensive. But if he gets one there will be a fit.
Thursday I “got” to hear how much stuff (he he he… baby things, little baby girl things… he he he) I have in my cube. I got to hear (one more time) how I must be getting ready to go home because my bell on my keys was jingling. I got to hear how someone that is actually in the same end of the building with me about once every four or five months finds my bell irritating. I got to hear how people can find me because I have my potato heads on my bookshelf over the top of my cube. It actually helped for about five minutes that a lady from a nearby department thought it was great that the end of the floor finally got some color and personality… till that was another source of humor… OH YEAH… she is just FULL of color and humor.
Friday I couldn’t take it any more… I tried to mellow out. I went to sit in the Labyrinth and soak up the wind chimes and water sound. It worked for about five minutes. I even wrote my last post, a kind of rant about why people should care if MY cube isn’t up to THEIR pristine standards. I even asked to have a full sized wall on the third side of my cube so I don’t have to deal with everyone having to see my cube as much. I hope it is there.
I don’t talk to bear about stuff… until I do talk to him about stuff… and then I figure out I should just let him get bugged at me for not talking rather than getting really irritated with me for telling him what is going on and what everyone wants. Went to Wally-world for WD-40 for the squeeky doors… and I didn’t want ice cream… which didn’t sit well (I guess he did) so I walked home. After throwing my phone (most of the argument was about the phone situation) across the parking lot and smashing it all over the sidewalk. Now I’m using the phone that I can’t read and I can’t type on and that has a battery life of about 6 hours (OH yeah, and that won’t charge if plugged into the wall, only the computer will charge it). I remembered why I don’t wear crocs without socks if I’m going to walk any distance… and I learned that if you are pissed and not paying attention you can get blisters on the bottom of bare feet pretty quickly when it is 103 degrees. But the walk helped… at least some.
I was going to clean the bedroom this weekend. I haven’t. I’m hiding from everything reading writing magazines on my iPad (can’t read on my phone any more for quite a while… the OS on this one won’t let my ereaders work) and trying to mellow out before I have to go to work tomorrow. I really don’t want to walk in tomorrow in a crappy mood. I keep trying to not worry about things (and hey, there really are some great things going on… like Amandya will be seizure free for a year this week and driving school is doing her a lot of good).
Drinking a great cup of tea (Lapsang Suchong from Epcot… treasuring my loose leaf tea) and in general just screwing off. I feel kind of guilty, but not a lot. I will be so glad when I can at least have my surgery out of the way and I don’t have to worry about that.
I have gotten a boost from friends (and my squirrel girl) on my facebook post about going zombie brigade at work and being just like everyone seems to want me to be. The kick in the butt was nice and made me feel better. And this feels some better.
OH… and I got to spend some quality text time with my sister on her birthday. That made me smile. And I think it may have made her smile, too. I hope so…
Here is to hoping today will be better overall. Happy Sunday!!!