Okay… so today we drive up to packet pick-up. I’m hoping for long socks and arm warmers; I’m REALLY hoping for arm warmers (they are really neat). They have a store, go figure.
Last night I finally tried on the pants I’m wearing to race. They fit perfectly. I’m going to hunt up my tights for under them because 40 isn’t warm and they aren’t probably heavy enough for me to be overly happy even racing. But they fit and they are cute. I get my dry fit stuff in my packet today, so I will see what other cute crap I can wear with them.
My fanny pack is almost packed. I have to toss in my iPod and my phone and my camera and I’m good. I have my glovies (electronic compatible ones, naturally) and hand warmers and my own candy canes. Not that I’m terrified of having to face the same lessons that I learned at Run For The Water last year, but… yeah. I pray I don’t have to worry about watching them empty the last two water stations all over the ground as I approach. I hope I get a cookie or two. I hope I get a candy cane… or two. I hope I’m not swept. Even DFL beats DNF. I really really want to finish.
I’m mortified to announce that I actually did start taking my prednisone. Yesterday I took 3 because for two days my left wrist (NOT my problem child) was KILLING me. Right around the Carpal Tunnel place it burned and ached and was horrible. My middle three fingers started to stiffen and ache and I knew it was going to get very not pretty very fast. I hate taking them. I refuse to take them if I have any other options. With the race tomorrow and so much I still have to get done to get ready for Christmas and my project kicking back into high gear… I probably didn’t think as long as I might have done otherwise. But… my Rheumy did give me a script back in the spring when my finger (same hand oddly enough) went totally bat shit crazy on me and gave me a refill. I kept it because I’m scared and it’s a good thing to have on hand. So… I am treating myself and will catch up with my rheumy on Wednesday.
So here I am, up and at em, ready to go to packet pickup. I’m HOPING to spend a few minutes along the lake today taking pictures and enjoying the cold. Eh a girl can dream, can’t she?
***** Warning… rant in progress… *** Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I love Christmas. I love winter… almost as much as I love fall. And here I am… sitting at my window, trying very hard to retain the Christmas spirit.
This morning my fingers are not happy. I’ve used my Tiger Balm and my Voltaren gel, and they are still not happy. I’m going to have to resort to Napproxin shortly. This is not a huge big deal. THAT at least is something I have come to expect at random times.
I’ve been sitting here absolutely depressed, however, over my work schedule for the rest of the year. I’m not supposed to be on call at all this weekend. AT ALL. Yesterday I got a rather testy phone call asking me why I wasn’t on line because it was go live (WHO knew) for a project that I wasn’t aware I was even still responsible for. 4 hours working on THAT project on my day off (another hour or so today… yay me) PLUS I got another rather not happy call from MY project team asking me if I could log on and work for an hour or so because the person who WAS on call was TWO HOURS away from his computer.
It’s not bad when I expect it. It’s not nearly as bad when I can plan around it. Finding out that my daughter is liable to get fired for being late because no one bothered to tell me that I had to work on my weekend off… really? Thanks guys… Uber Specialness.
Starting on the 18th (The ENTIRE holiday, ironically starting the SECOND I am allowed to carry more than 10 pounds) I’m on call for all but three days through the end of the year. I’ve already been warned it’s going to be very busy and there are going to be a lot of things that have to be done. Merry Christmas. Yay me. Christmas eve and Christmas day, New Years Eve and New Years day, the entire weekend for two consecutive weekends. There are going to be two of us NOT on vacation on the Friday after Christmas. Because when people committed to what they were going to take (back in September) as vacation… they forgot what they said.
Good thing we got the Christmas lights out of the way over Thanksgiving. I’m trying so hard to keep looking forward to the rest of the Christmas season. I’m NOT working next Sunday. I don’t care if someone has to drag my cold dead body across the finish line at the Santa Hustle… I’m holding on to at least that remnant of my holiday.
I’m trying… I really am…
I’m not sure if it is the full moon making it worse, or just realizing that commitments don’t mean shit to people when there are good times to be had… but whatever it is, I have to find a way to shake off the tears and get the holiday spirit back.
Okay… hokey sappy post alert… consider yourself warned…
It’s hard to believe it has been almost exactly a year since I interviewed at Sherwin. I figure by now it’s safe to admit to how incredibly sick I was the day I interviewed. I am pretty sure it was stress. I really wanted the job incredibly badly. I was so sick it wasn’t even funny. I was running on about 4 hours sleep due to the flight schedule and a crappy breakfast due to the fact that the hotel was deliberately short staffed for the holidays… I don’t remember much about the first couple of interviews. I’m glad I reasonably impressed the people who did my interview. One of the things I’m grateful for this year is that I impressed them enough to land the job. That means I’m sitting in my office at home (still on work from home due to the gall bladder surgery… doctor better release me to go back on Monday) watching the deer munch on the corn that the squirrels drop from the feeders onto the ground. The yard is snow covered. It’s 12 degrees. It’s beautiful. Sirius is on my computer playing Christmas music.
I’m 6 weeks out from my last Orencia infusion. I get my next one tomorrow afternoon. It’s doing its job. The last few days I’ve been toughing out Squirrel Girl’s scarf because my hands are starting to be not real happy, but the drugs are doing their job because it should be hurting way more by now.
This afternoon I see my surgeon to see how I’m doing post-op. I’m feeling pretty good. I hope I’m right.
After surgeon, shopping for Thanksgiving. Two kids in the household working retail and the mall opening at 5pm on Thanksgiving day means I’m having Thanksgiving at home. I’m kind of hoping people will show up for Thanksgiving… but I’m kind of not counting on it. I’m having dinner at about 1:00 this year. Shopping list is in process. I’ve got included on the list peanut butter pie fixings and pink fluffy stuff fixings. I’m going to try my hand at Coke Salad.
This year my household has expanded to include my returning fledgling but his fiance as well. My house is fuller than I ever realized it could be.
And this morning..my bird friends are back at the feeders. Two different kinds of woodpeckers, the jays, titmouses and wrens…
It’s 9 degrees. It’s a beautiful morning…
So, here I sit. Disney Christmas Music playing on YouTube and the smell of a gas station hot dog eminating from my coworker’s desk making me feel like I want to vomit. I finished my third glass of water (this one with FIZZ grapefruit electrolyte replacement in it). I think now is a great time to pull together my “holy crap it’s getting to be nearly time to worry” post for the Disney Half Marathon.
For starters, I’ve been preaching at Amandya to work on HER blog about her volunteer teaching in South Africa helping work through things in her mind and through planning and passing the time. I guess practicing what I preach is probably a good idea.
I signed up, today, at work to join our company partially funded Gold’s Gym Membership. It’s probably still more expensive than I should be really doing all things considered, but it is close to work (and frankly close to everywhere) so I can run over at lunch, even when I’m on pager patrol, and get in some workout time.
It won’t be all of the training that I need, but it will certainly help. I know having that helped before and I know it can’t hurt. It’s horribly warm out when I can be out walking at lunch and I don’t want to make myself sick.
This trip was kind of stressing me out a little before. When I signed up, I thought I wouldn’t care so much that I was going to have to deal with the adventure on my own. I was wrong. I was stressing. Being ALONE with a half marathon half a country away from anything resembling people or places of home… not the best feeling in the world. And the advice to try to get people who were from around here to admit to running Disney was an even bigger joke.
Now, though, it looks like this is going to be an incredibly wonderful trip. We are not only all going, as a family, we are making it an extended family adventure and taking grandkids and all kinds of stuff along with us. It’s going to be a truly magical adventure.
I’m actually feeling like I’m going to be up for this challenge because I’m looking forward to it so much. I’m determined to make this a magical adventure for the kids (big and smallish) and bringing really lasting memories to everyone.
Here I sit, listening to the Weather Channel predict a foot of snow by tonight with 45 mile an hour winds. It looks like the plans we had for tomorrow will likely not happen until Friday. We are still going to probably go, just not as soon.
It is what it is.
It is Boxing Day. Yesterday was Christmas. And it was a Christmas to remember.
I started the day out by stopping by the house where I grew up. Intellectually I understand that nothing stays the same… time passes… things change… This was THE hardest thing I have done in a long long time.
The house is still there. There are things growing from the gutters (downward growing grass is what it looked like). The siding is disintegrating. The lights lent an air of warm coziness that really wasn’t there.
The dogwood tree is dead. The pear tree is dead. The corn crib, the wagon shed, the barn and Sonny’s shanty have all fallen down. The wishing well (the one thing I actually went to take a picture of) has no roof and the stones have fallen away. Ironically I found out what was inside the wishing well. The stones were cemented around a washing machine tub. We recycled before recycling was cool.
I took pictures. I even took pictures of the spring house where watermelons stayed freezy freezy cold and alligators guarded them.
I took a couple of rocks.
I took the heavy heart that the pictures in my mind don’t/can’t/won’t match the pictures I took. I have a feeling I’m going to be putting all of this into a story somewhere…
It was a chemo brain day REALLY bad, so the two sentences that I managed to get written were lonely and difficult. I hurt my son’s feeling because I was trying to think over the confusion about a conversation I was trying to have and he was being his wonderful self. I love him dearly and it bothers me still that I hurt his feelings.
Presents were exchanged. Tears were shed.
The most epic Pink Fluffy Stuff War of 2012 was amazing.
It’s been an interesting Christmas.
So… Tis the season where I think more and more about the traditions that we have… The traditions that we make… This morning I was standing with my 18 year old baby girl in the line that wraps around JCPenny’s … Continue reading
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I don’t think it was a Kaitlin’s Cauze snowball, but I guess it could have been. Regardless, this morning I was hit by a snowball, and it was great. I woke up this morning totally not feeling the fact that … Continue reading
The holiday season is upon us (ALL the holidays… Hannachua, Christmas, KWanza, New Years, Winter Solstice… lots of them) and RA doesn’t discriminate based on what hoiday you celebrate. Probably not an incredibly popular centiment, but you know what… I’m so totally passed being worried about people getting bent with me.
I sit and think about all of the Christmas’s past and all of the Type A memories I tried to make for my kids. For years I made batches of cookies that no one ate but that I made becuase that is what I grew up with… making cookies. I hustled and bustled and busted my behind. And I made memories. But the memories I made didn’t actually corespond with what I thought I was making. The memories… Sitting in the chairs of the laser light show and watching the “jello” dance across the ceiling. Putting up the Christmas tree and letting the kids decorate the bottom. Dominick the Donkey and I Want a Hippopotomos for Christmas and Santa Baby bringing smiles because of their connotation. And going to see the Christmas Lights regardless of where we are. You don’t necessarily have to “do” to create the memories, you have to be.
Now that I’m celbrating with the addition of RA, I rethink what I do and what I plan to do so I don’t turn Ho Ho Ho into HoHumBug.
I know i can’t “do” traditional eggnog or a hot toddy or even spiced wine. Meds and alcohol don’t really go together well. It’s not that I have done any of this anyway, I know I’m a cheap drunk and it isn’t good for me to drink on a good day. But I also know that a lot of people who are on similar meds do or have. There are ways to celebrate in less alcohol rich ways. Apple cider is wonderful, spiced grape juice is an awful lot like spiced wine and is <ghasp> healthy. Look for the little things. Look for ways that you can find your own bright spots. Music sometimes help, too. All things considered, finding the bright spots are going to be the best treat you can give yourself.
I know that it is especially hard, particularly when many of our families themselves don’t “get it”, but try to set expectations realistically. You know how much you “need” to get done, be it wrapping, or baking or decorating or cards or whatever. Be realistic with yourself and with everyone else. And don’t discount hiring out some of the things you feel you have to do. Buy your cookies from a bakery or from some orgaization having fund raiser bake sale. Have your gifts wrapped the same way (lots of stores hae charities who come in and do wrapping for a donation). This has the side benefit of having a bunch of different wrapping paper that no one has seen before (hint hint, wink wink). There is a big trade off between time(stress… effort) and money. Even today when money is more tight than ever, sometimes spending a few dollars that you might be able to write off as donation to charity to keep from overtaxing yourself is the better option. Save your engergy and effort for things that you really enjoy or that bring you happiness.
Find the easiest way to do whatever it is that you are goin to do. I know this sounds obvious, but it is sanity. ANd not just during the season, all the time. A lot of getting by is just learning new ways of doing things.
Ask for help. When you can’t figure out a way to do something without hurting, ask for help. This was the biggest deal for me. I have always been the one to try hard to do things for everyone else. I’m not sure if that is a girl thing, or a mommy thing, or what. It is what it is.
Keep in mind, though, that there are also tradeoffs for cutting back, especially if you cut back too far. When you cut back (or out) on things that really matter to you, or that really matter to those who are important to you, sometimes th cost is your depression or even more stress than actually going through with whatever it is that you cut back on. Those tradeoffs aren’t worth it. Sometimes, in those cases, it is better to cut something else out or at least cut back on and find a way to deal with the added stress that the events or the tasks might cause.
So… I guess it all boils down to… do what makes you happy and enjoy the holidays!!!
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I sit here thinking about being a mom on this quiet mother’s day morning. We were out late last night (we celebrated yesterday to avoid the crowds) . Dinner at Carino’s then to TOS’s Beethoven’s Last Night. Everyone is either … Continue reading
It was quite a weekend. I would SO much rather had not been on pager patrol for the weekend but it is what it is.
Friday I had the most horrible migraine. Nothing sort of migraine medicine and a sleep would help. I hate having those kind of headaches espeically when there isn’t anything I can really pin it to (like the headache I get when I don’t sleep enough or when I get dehydrated). It was really good that work was mostly quiet on Friday and I didn’t have to think too terribly hard. It would have been nice if I had gotten permission to work from home on Friday BEFORE Friday afternoon (sent the mail Thursday morning… I know where my mail ranks on EVERYONE’s list of “oooo… let’s read this” mails) but hey.
Saturday (Happy Birthday!!!) wasn’t too bad. Started out by getting paged and having to work… but… hey… We went grocery shopping (got squirrel girl some GIRL shorts and some tank tops… got skinny butt boy a Runescape card… got yummy cookies… and like real food and stuff too). I got a card from my wonderful Wyoming friend. That made me really smile. She is incredibly talented artist and i hope that she eventually realizes how wonderful her art is and does something with it. She could certainly use the validation from someone, she doesn’t get it nearly often enough and she has no idea how much her art, and her friendship mean.
Oh. And I got a perfunctory Happy Birthday text message… a surprise FaceBook message from my Sis (who NEVER EVER seems to get on the computer, which is why I treasure THIS so much) and had the most WONDERFUL chat with my mommy and my cuz that made me smile and cry and laugh and feel like I got a virtual hug.
Squirrel girl ran off with her peeps and hung with them all day. She claimed she felt really really guilty not staying home for my birthday (and it is SO much fun to poke her about it) but even when we went to dinner out, she didn’t opt to tag along. She and I did end up camping out in the back yard in the tent for the night, and it was wonderful to listen to the crickets and the owls and the trains.
Easter… Easter was interesting. After 3 hours working on pager patrol stuff in the morning, I hid baskets (19 year old’s was blue… 16 year old’s was white) and we had an egg hunt. I made a movie of the egg hunt, but because she asked so nicely (and because I like to have all of my body parts intact) I opted for uploading it to YouTube and making it such that you can only watch it if you have the link. Thought about posting the link to facebook and TECHNICALLY abiding by EXACTLY what I promised… but that would be cheating. I would really like to edit it, though, and paste in the part where it turned into a full contact egg hunt and they were brawling over one EMPTY plastic egg…
Ham and Scalloped potatoes were yummy for dinner.
Now, it is back to work Monday. I had a chat with the company head of IT about the fact that his kids are a lot like my kids and are older teenagers who look forward to basket hiding and egg hunts… and the fact that it means that they are great kids and that they have been raised right… they like spending time with the family and being around people who love them. That made me smile.
Now… jasmine tea and watching to make sure that the world is safe from data inaccuriacies…