Category Archives: motivation

It’s Saturday again already?

Wow… the end of one of the longest weeks I can ever remember.  It has been an adventure, and the beginning of an adventure… (and out of frustration and anger… another blog… this one, not surprisingly, on our epilepsy journey… it is new, and sparse right now, but I know what I need to do with it since there are very few blogs that I’ve been able to find on epilepsy like so many wonderful people have on RA…  ).

Last night was week 2 on 8 pills of MTX.  My knuckle bump seems to be staying down even after almost 2 weeks off of prednisone… so maybe maybe maybe it really is the MTX helping… it is apparently having an affect on my hair… my PCP asked me if that was what I was attributing the hair loss to.

thanks… I needed that… like I needed the rest of my week.. eesh…

I did get my lab results back from PCP… cholesterol is still a little high… don’t know how hight but a little high… so I need to watch my diet better.  I wonder if the cholesterol is because (partly) of the diet I ate in preparation and recovery from the race…   It is pager week… so I won’t be doing much in the way of distance work this week (at least not until Friday) but I need to get back to the gym starting Tuesday.

I signed up for a yoga class that the HR department at work is offering for $25… 12 weekly classes on Thursdays… I’m hoping that helps with my focus and stress level.  Oddly, with all of the stretching I do when I run, my flexibility isn’t so bad… but this should help with that, as well.

Today is a learning and catching up kind of day.  Supper is beef/pork soup day.  A quick trip to the store will grab cabbage, potatoes and carrots to toss in with the other veggies and some barley… maybe a loaf of Italian bread (also known by the kids as “good bread”) will round out dinner.  Maybe a batch or two of home made brownies too… yeah, I’m in THAT kind of mood.  add to that doing research and catching up on reading everyone’s blogs to see where they are and that will make today a wrap.

Now… a cup of coffee… a hot bath… clean clothes and we are off…

Have a magical day!

It’s a Rainbow day…

Okay, well, maybe  not entirely.  Fact is, it is 76 degrees outside today and a beautiful sunny day (I’m pretty sure that winter might be over here)… and I even went for a walk at lunch time to the capital building and watched the squirrels play in the live-oak trees in the sunshine…

The rainbow part dawned on me as I laid out my pills for the day this morning…

Blue and white and beige and tan and yellow and cream and orange… all in a little pile… all very colorful…

Makes me think… it is all in how I look at this… RA has added colors to my day… and it helps me notice parts of my body that I would ordinarily overlook… like the spot on the outside of my right heel and the inside of my left heel that are about the size of a half dollar that are poking at me to try to get me to slow my life down…

RA is teaching me to slow down and pay attention to ALL of the colors in life…

pushing even when i dont feel like it

Today wasone of those days when i dont feel like pushing through the gym. but i have this race to ready myself for… and it makes the afternoon more tolerable… so i push. it makes me tired but clears the cobwebs and the mtx fuzzies… so i know i need to keep it up.

What do you do you do when a song gets stuck in your head?

Okay… it had a LIITTLE hep (thanks to … http://www.rheumamisfits.com/forums/index.php?) but it is stuck none the less…

We’re a couple of misfits
We’re a couple of misfits
What’s the matter with misfits
That’s where we fit in!

We’re not daffy and dilly
Don’t go ’round willy nilly
Seems to us kinda silly
That we don’t fit in.

We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?

We’re a couple of misfits
We’re a couple of misfits
What’s the matter with misfits
That’s where we fit in!

–(this part sung by Rudolph)–
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
I’m an adorable reindeer
Why don’t I fit in?

–(this part sung by Hermey)–
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
They can’t fire me.
I QUIT!

We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?

We’re a couple of misfits
We’re a couple of misfits
What’s the matter with misfits
That’s where we fit in!

http://www.misfittoys.net/rudolphsongs.htm

I’ve always loved “Rudolph, The-Nosed Reindeer” and I’ve always been able to relate to Rudolph and Hermey… but now I can relate in all new ways.

Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a dumb twit
I can’t help it my joints ache
Why don’t I fit in…

Yeah, I can relate… and you know… it totally isn’t a bad thing

How about it?  Are you with me?

Uplifting Morning

Woke up early… achy… dry mouth (attributed to the prednizone) and just fundamentally restless. Was a rather down morning until I decided to come here to make myself feel less… restless… less… depressed.

And what did I find… several comments that really really made me feel better… which is a good thing right now.

Yesterday was a horrible day for me mentally and emotionally.

I found new bruises.. new bumps… and new places that hadn’t ached before. I spent the day staring out the window wondering… watched the movie Funny People and found myself wondering… more. all in all a not so great day.

But this morning… In the comments that I moderated… I found people who can relate… people who are where I am… or who used to be where I am and are now further down this adventure trail than I am. Their comments where incredibly uplifting… more so probably than any of them will know… made me smile and get my head back in the right place….

So here I am… wicked early in the morning looking at the Susan Komen Marathon for the Cure shirt hanging on the back of the chair (it came yesterday too and made me doubt my sanity) and realizing that, I can do this… I’m not the first, that’s for damn sure, and I certainly won’t be the last… and if I can do my part to make someone else realize that this may be a LIFE sentence (as in… it will always now be a part of my life) but it sure as heck not a DEATH sentence and it can be a wickedly long RUN ON sentence (sorry, I was almost an English major once upon a time) … I can do this and so can you!

Now… where are my running shoes and my tea?

Shoot for the Stars

Remember, if you shoot for the stars, even if you miss, you are likely to at least land on the moon.

If you aim low and make it, you don’t REALLY know if you would have been able to make it further or not.  If you aim high and you make it, you made it!  If you aim high, and you don’t make it, the next time out of the gate, you just have to try harder…

And heck, once you have made it to the moon, you are just that much closer to your actual goal!

I know that I’m not ready for MY ultimate Running goal (Goofy’s race and a half… a marathon and a half marathon in one weekend) but I know I can hit my Race for the Cure goal (5k in 6 weeks) and I believe I can reach my goal of a half marathon in February (and running, right now, is so good for stress).  That should reach me to the moon.  The next goal, if I’m reasonable, is a full marathon, or a couple of them spaced reasonably far apart.  That might make it to Pluto (Uranus, since Pluto isn’t a planet any more).  Maybe I will hang out on Pluto for a little bit, making sure I can live there and not die from the atmosphere… <grin>

Then I will look for the next jump, and the next, and the next.

As long as you keep moving forward, you are moving forward.  It is when you stop growing that you start to turn brown and wither.

Distance Day

Today was an interesting day.

I was so excited about getting out and hitting it… I got almost everything ready last night… all laid out so it was all ready this morning.  I considered woosing out when I got up but I really wanted to do this so got my butt in gear.

I waited till it was starting to get daylight because I’m dumb but not stupid.  The sun wasn’t the whole way up, but it was daylight enough that I could see what was coming at me and what all was in the surroundings.  I got a couple really pretty shots of sunrise (there is something to be said for the squirrel not liking the smallish light weight camera that we got her… I get to use it when I run and it doesn’t weigh me down too much).

Sunrise

I made it to the big road at just the time that the first hot air balloon headed off.  I got a couple killer pictures of the balloon taking off and floating over the road…. made the bend at the convenience store (after my first drink of water) just as the next balloon team was getting the basket set up for their take off.  Got to see the burner lit as they tested it.  I slowed down to take my pictures, but didn’t opt to sit and watch the team get ready.  Maybe I should have, ordinarily I would have, but I didn’t.  I needed to do the route for some kind of timing.

Balloon over the morningBut it was okay, it was SO worth the day.

The creek where the dog likes to play in the nice cold water was a dry rocky creek bed.  Sad.  It has been such a dry summer and even the rain from night before last didn’t make any difference… but it was interesting to see the flood pole next to a creek that wasn’t even there…

Onward and upward.  Got a couple more pics of the first balloon as I passed the soccer field.

Noticed (duh) that there were an awful lot of cars passing me at 7:20 in the morning even in the park, even on such a beautiful morning (only 72 degrees!!!!).  Figured out in a bit what was going on.  The local fitness training company has a recurring outing in the park every Saturday. I looked up the site when I got home… There was a really nice lady that told me I should join!  Yeah… might actually be nice to join such a group, but not for $100 for 24 weeks… thanks but no thanks…

balloon over runners

It got me thinking (since I was out on my own with no one to talk to and nothing but music in my head and nothing but feet and street) that I don’t know if I would really want to rely on a group (much as I might really enjoy the fellowship of other people like me) for my success.  The reason I took up this kind of exercise is so I don’t have to rely on anyone else’s schedule… any one else for my success or failure.    It would probably be good to have someone to talk to who has been there… who is going through the same stupidity that I am going through, but if I have to pay someone to talk to me (and that person doesn’t have a degree in psychology….) I don’t think it is probably really worth it.

Passing a runner (yeah, she was running, I was only maintaining a fast walk) who waved as she passed made me think that I probably just need to keep up the solitary training… It may not be as safe as running (or walking) in a pack, but as long as I’m careful and keep my cell phone at the ready… it will probably be my best option…

Made the bend at the park, got a picture of the people from the group running across the bridge… balloon in the background… you guessed it, more pictures.

Another drink.

I really love my squat little stainless water bottle.  It fits perfectly in my fanny pack and has just about the right amount of water for a 2 hour outing.

Out of the park and onto the beautiful wide new sidewalk.

Waved at the passing police car (they usually don’t let on they see you, so this one waving was really nice).

passed one couple almost at the point where the sidewalk ends.

took out onto the newly dug up roadbed, so I didn’t have to do the last several hundred yards to the light… it would have been better for my pace to stay on the road…

Tree Nearing the End of my outing

6.75 miles, 1 hour 45 min (including cool down and stretching)

cool bath (SUCKS to not have water come out of the faucet COLD but rather tepid.. ), 2 eggs, a piece of toast and salsa…

Now, an hour and a half later, I’m sitting here thinking about my outing.  I feel wonderful right now.  It was SO worth going out this morning.  I wasn’t overly sweaty (although I did smell like a goat when I got home) during my run.  I’m not terribly sore right now… I love the change in my normal routine..  I’m thinking that this might be a  to do list thing for tomorrow.

Staying Motivated When Life is… well… life…

How does everyone else stay motivated to workout?

When I am at work and the gym is right downstairs and stress is an ever present… THEN it is easy to stay motivated… getting out of the office, working myself into a sweat and then going for a nice cool shower is a heavenly break and way more productive than going out to lunch or working through lunch (which happens at least one day a week plus my work from home day).

But some times (especially when I’m deep in the heart of the second pager week in a row and especially when I’m up several nights running because of the way that the database is behaving) it is so hard to get my butt up and going.

Now, I have to be able to make my Valentines Day deadline for 13.1…

But more important, I feel so much better now that I’m down 30 pounds (and holding) and I can breathe and I am feeling more and more human most of the time.

I look at my kids… and my sibling’s kids… and I think maybe I can be an example to them… if I can do this anyone can if they want it badly enough.  It takes wanting it badly enough, though… and doing it because YOU want to not because someone else wants you to or tries to guilt you into it… because you have decided that you are worth the effort.

And you are worth the effort.  If not you, then who!?!

You really can’t be everything that everyone else wants you to be if you aren’t everything you can be to yourself.

Yeah, I know, I have always rolled my eyes at that one, too.  I have to do X for DS.  I have to do Y for DD.  I have to do W, Z and Q for DH.  Work comes first because if I don’t do whatever it takes for whatever the current most important project I will “Be responsible for costing <the company> a lot of money” (that really is hooey for what it’s worth).  House work, laundry, dinner, work, the other work, yard work… hell, with all of that and everything else, I’m lucky if I have the time to take a shower let alone take time for me (to read a book or take a walk or even just sit in the back yard).

It really is amazing, though, when you realize that your cholesterol is way too high and your not breathing right and that you hurt all of the time and that no matter how many hours there are in a day, the next day really will come with just as many and the one after that… and the one after that… and other people will work to consume all of them for you if you let them.  Say NO to just one thing… folding that load of laundry… doing just one extra thing for the project that really isn’t your job…

Take just five minutes to walk to the end of the block and back.

Walk it for a week, every day.

FEEL the difference after a week or after two.

Feel how you notice the house at the end of the block that won house of the month and see how the weeds are really taking over their yard because they aren’t keeping up with pulling the weeds or trimming around the little fence any more.  Notice the dragon fly that frequents the fence  next door.  Smell the heavenly smell of the people across the street when they start the grill every Friday for dinner.

Soon you will start to really look forward to those five or ten minutes alone time and you will start to feel better and you will come back to the “regular” part of life with a new outlook and things will seem to get done quicker than before.

After the first distance starts to become more effortless, add a little more distance (an extra house or two, the end of the next block).  Notice the new things that you pass.  Take an audio book with you as background, or listen to music that lifts your heart… or that calms your mind.  Eventually you will start to look for music that helps you keep time to your walk or that helps you to keep up with keeping up.

After a few weeks, you may start to notice that you are feeling better, that you’ve lost a couple pounds or that your pants (or shirt…or whatever) fit a little more loosely.

Once you get there, you are half the way.

I don’t suggest that you actually go out and sign up for a marathon (or even a half marathon).  That’s what I just did, but I set that as a goal when Trunk Monkey and my now ex-pet developer (She found a better job) guilt-ed me into going to the gym with them because no one ever went to the gym with them and then they quit going all together… they both said (eyes rolled) that they got me going and I was the only one that was still going and they would see me finishing a marathon one of these days… when they said that, then quit going, I figured I may as well set that as a goal and when I started to loose weight it started to become a goal that started to seem real.

start small

keep at it

and remember

if not you, then who…

Sweating to Lunch

I haven’t decided yet if it is a good thing or a bad thing that many of the people that I work with have started frequenting the same gym that I do at lunch time.

It is good to workout, and a workout at lunch relieves stress and makes the afternoon fly.

It is good to be in a gym where people are there to work out and not to be seen at the gym… where imaginary sweat isn’t wiped away after three peddles of the stationary bike and a sip of latte.

I feel like a goon, though, with everyone watching me sweat my butt off (almost literally) every day.

I guess it means that they know I’m dedicated to being healthier.

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

65 min workout this morning.  I’m starting to have to get createive with my routes becuase I’ve hit almost every street in the housing area now and I’m “only” up to Podrunner Intervals Gateway to 8k week 4.  By the time I get to week 8 or 9 I’m going to have to start hitting the same streets over again… or chance running where I’m less comfortable (where there are fewer houses and fewer street lights and that does not excite me at all.

Now, I’m home and STARVING.  I think an egg sounds devine before my shower.

I’m looking forward to the weekend when I can run in the daylight again.

I was talking to one of the women that I did the Race for the cure with last year and she wasn’t sure if she was going to do the timed race this year or not.  I think, even though I’m not “officially” doing what normal people call runing (merely walking at 4.3 to 4.5 mile an hour if the lunch time treadmill is correct) I think timed is where I want to be.  I need to get ready and be more sure if I’m going to try for the half marathons… I don’t want to spend all that money (even if it isn’t a huge amount for the first race) and then end up being swept.

I realized, when I was casting a shadow in the streetlight, that I have a waist.  I’m not sure if it is becuase my butt is really big and my shoulders are broad or if I really do have a waist (Stacey, Clinton… at What Not To Wear… how do I tell if I have a waist???) .  I probably would notice it more if I wore the ‘bike’ shirts more often to run in.  I am glad that they are finally getting some use again (it has been well over a decade since they have gotten any use at all, and I’m finally back down into fitting them).

OH!!! and on the subject of being back down to something… I’m not 178 pounds… that makes my BMI 29.6 and I am back down to “merely” being overweight, I’m no longer considered obese… at least not for a few days until I eat the wrong thing or get my period and end up going back up over the very fine line that I just managed to get below… knock on wood…