The Little Things #9 Knowing that it matters

There are things that you KNOW (in your head you know… but sometimes you don’t really remember in your heart) that it matters… whatever it is.

Today… I was reminded in a wonderful way that it matters.

It, in my case, was just the fact that I’m there and that I take the time to BE there.  Sometimes I get caught up in getting the job done and making sure that the less important things get done… but I realized today that my kids know that, no matter what I’m doing, I make sure that I’m there when they need me, even if they only need to know that I’m there… and that knowing is enough.

It made me smile… and it made me cry… both my babies told me that it matters… just the fact that they know that if they need me, I’m there… matters to them more than they may sometimes let on.

Today, I think it was the fact that I made the doctor appointment and the fact that I answered the phone… that I transfer the poetry and quotes from facebook to the poet’s blog… that I’m there to hold her when she seizes and to talk her down when she needs despirately to dump on someone.

I know that my mom doesn’t always know (in her head maybe, but sometimes I don’t know if she knows in her heart) how much it matters that she is there, if if “there” is 1500 miles away and how much it means to me to be able to be “there” for her too.

Today… I realized more than I think almost ever how much the little things really do mean to me and how much the little things really do mean…

It matter…. when everything is gray and swelly and depressing… it matters…

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30 things about my invisble illness

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know 1. The illness I live with is:rheumatoid arthritis 2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:2009 3. But I had symptoms since:2008 (at least… and that is what the … Continue reading

The Little Things #8 Smiles

You know… It’s funny… how much a smile can mean.  It doesn’t even have to be a smile directed at anyone… just a simple smile.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember how beautiful some smiles are (they are used so rarely) but when they show up they make the sun shine.

And when I can be the one to inspire the smile, it makes the whole world magical.

Poking Fun At and Making Fun Of

There is a very big difference between poking fun at someone (laughing with) and making fun of someone (laughing at).
I don’t so much mind (and will fight back at) someone poking fun at me… but when it has the distinctly irritating feeling of being laughed at… I start to get a little miffed.
Just remember… throwing stones when you live in a glass house sometimes doesn’t get you very far…

The Little Things #7… 5 Quiet Minutes

I know I managed to tick off my entire family last night… but it got to where I really just wanted 5 minutes all alone to just exist (honestly, I wanted 5 minutes to go to the bathroom)… 5 minutes that I didn’t have to be doing ANYTHING….

I realized that 5 minutes of quiet personal alone time is something that means an incredible amount but that I take for granted a lot of time… yesterday, after the stress of the last couple days… I didn’t want to have to do anything but sit for just five minutes… and I got a little testy at bed time when I got the list of “where do you want this” and “did you get this done” and “did you get that done”…

A three day headache, up at 4 am, sunburn so I haven’t been sleeping great… and achey from taxing myself the last few days… and I just wanted quiet for a few minutes… and when I pushed back I made everyone mad at me.

I didn’t mean to make them mad, but even the “did you get this done” that I was going to do for me just didn’t matter as much as not HAVING to do anything for a few minutes.

I apologize to everyone for getting bitchy about it last night… but there are just days when I realize what those five simple minutes mean…

The Little Things #6… Cold Water

Okay… so… this isn’t probably exactly the kind of “things I’m thankful for” kind of set of posts… but… well… whatever.

Today, I am most thankful for cold water… To swim in… to ease the sunburn that I ended up with yesterday… to drink on walks and after walks… to soak my tootsies in… even to soak my hat in to put it on my head.  Cold water is wonderful.

Yesterday we walked to the library in the morning.  It was a great walk… water got warm before it all got drunk, but it was wonderful walk… looking forward to similar walk this morning… when we got home I got a long cold drink and soaked in a cool (water doesn’t get cold from the tap, only cool) bath.

Amandya called when we were almost home from the walk and wanted to know if she could invite her friends to the pool… which is cool… so I went and hunted up my swim suit so I could go too (with her seizures not totally under control… I tend to be a tag-along when things like water are involved… and it turns out that I’m glad I did).  It was 98 degrees yesterday and the cold water I took to drink was good but jumping into the cool water was heavenly.

The sunburn… part if it came from the walk I have to admit… and part from swimming… part, though, from sitting beside her on the side of the pool where she was put when she was lifted out of the pool during her seizure.  Turns out it is a good thing I’m overly cautious.

Home… more cold water… another cool bath… and naproxin sodium…

It’s amazing how it feels when it slides down your throat… when it soaks your head in the heat… when it bites into the hot sweaty skin… it is way quicker to cool down than to warm up… even hot water takes longer to warm you up than cool/cold water takes to chill you down.

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Trying to come to terms with methotrexate…

I hate Fridays.  I have always enjoyed Fridays… we live less than 2 miles by road… probably less than a mile as the crow flies from the Baseball park… Fridays, when they have a home game they have fireworks after … Continue reading

The Little Things #5… Lavender

Okay, I absolutely love the smell of lavender.  I have lavender hand cream… I have lavender tea… and about three years ago, I planted a lavender plant in the flower bed in the back yard.

It was such a little thing when I planted it… one of those  tiny little pots from the herbs section of the grocery store or Walmart garden shop.  I didn’t hold out much hope of it growing into much (even though I have been told that I could make a broom straw grow green if I shoved it into the ground) because, lets face it, I live in central texas… it is HOT… and most years we don’t get a whole awful lot of rain.

The first year it had one lonely flower… which I picked and dried.

The second year it had maybe three flower stems.  Again… Picked and dried…

Tonight, I went out into the back yard and picked a hand full of stems (they are hanging in the kitchen in the window… a baggy around the flowers to catch them as they dry and fall off… ) and I should be able to get at least three more handfulls about the same size in the next couple days… It is full of blooms and the air is full of the smell of lavender.

It smells so nice, clean… relaxing.

It was SO worth the $4 I probably spent on it… and it is such a beautiful plant…right next to the rosemary that almost died but came back.

The Little Things #4… Hot Water

Okay… maybe it isn’t so little, but it is a wonderful thing and it is something that I guess I kind of take for granted.  Even more now with the achies that settle in and take up residence in my arms and fingers and ankles and toes… I rely on the fact that the magic hot water will come out of the spigot (tap) whenever I want to soak in the bath.

But yesterday, I took a bath and the water was… marginally warm.  Not cold, but our water NEVER seems to be cold unless it comes out of the fridge.  Definitely not hot, though.  I thought… hmmm must not have washed any clothes or anything for a while… and I finished my bath.

Amandya took a shower… and it wasn’t even a school day… mark that on on the calendar… and was NOT happy because the water was barely warm.

THAT got me thinking.  I wonder if there is something wrong with the water heater…

And I was right.

Called Rotor Rooter (not a memorable experience… they were so sort of ho-hum yeah…. okay… they charged 100 to end up relighting the pilot light (which I did… and did… and did…)) and they fixed it.

Today…. I can take a nice hot bath again… to ease the ouchies… and enjoy the quiet.

It’s the Little Things #3 Free Books

Okay okay… in some cases not totally free (like the library where you have to take them back) but there are free books if you look for them and there are more free books now than ever before!

Don’t get me wrong… I have been spending an inordinate amount of time at the library lately… Tuesday is my go to the library day.  I haul a half ton of stuff back every week and get a new half ton out.  I love the fact that I can listen to music on my work computer that I may not otherwise listen to and I can get a taste of new authors that I might not read otherwise too.  AND they have books on CD… Hello drive time.

Yesterday I went hunting a book for the book club at work.  I had already found that the Kindle was available for computer and for ipod touch, ipad (the big giant ipod touch…), soon to be available for the android… and thought that maybe I could find the book on Amazon… no dice.  I can find the print version but not the electronic version… crap.

Well… okay… maybe I can just compare print version prices between Amazon and Barnes and Noble… hop on over to bn.com and see what I can find… HOLY COW… I can find the nook software available for the computer and the ipod or ipad.  Still can’t find the book I’m after electronically… but wow….

I CAN find free electronic books.  AND the nook… if you hop over to the bn.com site, you can see that for five weeks (of which we are already in week 3) you can go into the store with your nook enabled device and say… Hey Mr/Ms BN person… I downloaded the nook onto my device and I would like a certificate for the free book… and poof… free book.  The local Barnes and Nobel even had a few extra copies of last week’s certificate so I got TWO free books last night.

Are they books I would have chosen?  Probably not.  Are they books I will read?  Yeah… both of them seem to be books that are going to be interesting and that I will read.

It did more than just give me some new reading options, though… it gave me new options in general.  I wanted to be able to read books on something like a Kindle but I don’t have Oprah sending me stuff like she gives her audience on the “Look I SO TOTALLY LOVE these things” shows… not only can I not justify flying to Chicago on the off chance It would be that day on the off chance I could get in… on the off chance that… whatever… I couldn’t really justify spending the money on a book reader, let alone on multiple book readers (because the Amazon book reader won’t read the books from Barnes and Nobel and those can neither one rad the Sony format).  Now, with the FREE reader software that I can install on whatever I have that I’m going to have with me anyway (except, so far, my phone, but that is coming… only drawback there… battery life… and I like my android WAY too much to opt for an iPhone) and I can read the heaviest book by pulling it out of my pocket no matter where I am or no matter what is going on… or out of my purse (yes, mom, I’ve resorted to carrying a purse as often as not).

It also means that I can read, and take notes on the books I’m reading, or whatever, on the same device and I don’t have to carry any more than I absolutely have to carry.  How cool is that.

Free software.  Free books. Freedom from worrying about ripping pages or anything like that…. all I have to worry about is loosing my device or it getting wet but I worry about that anyway.  How totally cool is free books?