Category Archives: Journalling

17000 steps

Okay, okay… 17,105 steps… roughly 8 miles.

Today, so far, has been a good day. Walked to the library (go figure, they have exactly ONE book on RA and it was checked out) and back (stopping at 7-11 for a cup of coffee on the way home and picking up pictures at Walgreens on the way there).

The walk today, in preparation for my half marathon, was actually better than I expected. I needed to stop about 3/4 of the way through to stretch out my joints, but it was all in all very good. Now, my “toes”… the wide part of my feet… ache and my knee has a weird ouchy spot… but hey… it was my first 8 miler in what… a month? Not anything totally out of the question…

Now… bathed and dressed in sweats… I’m kicking back and enjoying the sunshine… dog is curled up at my side and the doors are open wide. Coffee is brewing (and green tea, too…) and peperoni bread is raising on the stove…

I was dizzy last night (and during the walk today some) but if I had any other effects from the mtx, I slept through it (yeah!!!). Now I’m thinking about the fact that I have to be extra extra careful not to catch anything… but otherwise, everything is looking up… it really is all about the attitude… I’m trying to fight the worries and blues… and I’m thinking that life may not be so totally bad, after all.

UPDATE!!!
Per my toy… it says I took 17733 steps (plus or minus, since I didn’t actually have it “on” ever minute). Not bad…

Uplifting Morning

Woke up early… achy… dry mouth (attributed to the prednizone) and just fundamentally restless. Was a rather down morning until I decided to come here to make myself feel less… restless… less… depressed.

And what did I find… several comments that really really made me feel better… which is a good thing right now.

Yesterday was a horrible day for me mentally and emotionally.

I found new bruises.. new bumps… and new places that hadn’t ached before. I spent the day staring out the window wondering… watched the movie Funny People and found myself wondering… more. all in all a not so great day.

But this morning… In the comments that I moderated… I found people who can relate… people who are where I am… or who used to be where I am and are now further down this adventure trail than I am. Their comments where incredibly uplifting… more so probably than any of them will know… made me smile and get my head back in the right place….

So here I am… wicked early in the morning looking at the Susan Komen Marathon for the Cure shirt hanging on the back of the chair (it came yesterday too and made me doubt my sanity) and realizing that, I can do this… I’m not the first, that’s for damn sure, and I certainly won’t be the last… and if I can do my part to make someone else realize that this may be a LIFE sentence (as in… it will always now be a part of my life) but it sure as heck not a DEATH sentence and it can be a wickedly long RUN ON sentence (sorry, I was almost an English major once upon a time) … I can do this and so can you!

Now… where are my running shoes and my tea?

iPod Nano 5g, My New Toy

OH my god.  Went to the company picnic (what fun that was… NOT), had BBQ, watched people drink and become more stupider (yes, I know it is incredibly bad grammar) and got massively rained on (Yeah rain).  On the plus side on the rain… we got a lot, but just north of us got 12 inches in 17 hours… not pretty

ANY way…

Like the Christmas party, they have door prizes.  I’ve been to several of the picnics and several of the Christmas Parties and I’ve never gotten anything but the cutesy little things that they give everyone at the Christmas part for showing up.

Yesterday was the exception to the rule.  Yesterday my name was drawn and I got to go pick from whatever was left.  The really really cool stuff was gone… like the TV and the computer and the WII and all of the gift cards, but the iPod nano was still there and so was the movie camera.  The movie camera might have been nicer, I’m not sure.  But I got a nano.  And the chick from HR said that, they talked to the Apple store (and they still had the receipt for buying it) and anyone who got the Apple stuff (there were a couple shuffles, and a couple nanos) could take them into the Apple store and exchange them, since the boxes were still sealed, for the newer model.  The nano that was there was a silver 4G.

I heard all of the hoopla on the iPod nano 5G that Apple put out just this week (hey, I am a geek) and thought it sounded interesting… not something I would actually be able to justify spending money on any time soon, but interesting… So, I snagged up the nano.

The picnic was just about 3 miles from the mall where one of the two local Apple stores are here so after the picnic I high tailed it to the mall (first time I’d ever driven there all alone) and went to the Apple store and exchanged the 4G for a shiny Pink 16 gig 5G.

I have a new toy!

I was actually counting on running this morning with it so I could try it out, but it is raining too hard this morning to use it without some kind of protection on it to keep it semi dry… and I can’t complain, as long as we don’t get the kind of rain they got to floody floody the towns and the highway yesterday, we desperately need the rain.

So… I will have to put off seeing what I can capture in my travels until another day.

I did do some digging, last night after I got home, to see what exactly the deal is with the new toy.

It has a pedometer… one that apparently you can sort of synch with Nike’s running site.  That is a toy I will have to work at playing with.  Something that automagically uploads data so I can track it better is a good thing.  Interesting thing on the pedometer, it wants you to put in your weight and it calculates how many calories you are burning as you walk.  A plus from a geek who is working to get more fit perspective.  The pedometer keeps track of your history, too.  Getting to it and viewing it is a little quirky but it is neat.  It also allows you to set goals for numbers of steps, and has either always on mode or manual turn it on when you are exercising mode.

The video camera (which is video, not stills, but I think I can probably find software that can dink around with that…  B-) … ) records pretty well all in all.  It isn’t like having a ‘real’ video camera that takes full screen sized movies… these ones are about the size of the videos you see on youtube’s sscreen, but the quality is good and the ‘camera’ weighs as much as… well… an iPod nano… so it won’t weigh you down during a run (or a race) and the 16 gig will probably record a pretty decent amount of movie.

— there are 2 drawbacks here, though.

  1. Most important to know… you can’t listen to anything at the same time you are taking movies.  As soon as the video camera utility opens, the music shuts off.  I was actually counting on it staying on so I could run to the music while taping at least parts of my run.  Not going to happen.  Will have to rely on backup music for that… but the light weight feel of the nano means that adding in another very light weight MP3 player won’t interfere much with my running even in races.
  2. There are currently not any cases (at least not that I saw) that will attach this to you and let the camera viewer be what is on the outside.  This means that I’m going to have to get creative and make my own that I can wear with either camera out or screen and controller out or carry the camera in my hand.  I’m pretty sure I will be working on the creative getting side and make something that I can wear either on my arm facing forward or pinned to my chest facing forward or on a lanyard.  I expect all kinds of new cases will come out eventually… some that will take this into account.  There are actually some cases available (none at the iPod store yesterday though) that have little opening for the camera and mic as well as for the front of the iPod… I found one on the internet that is a silicon skin that I think I’m going to buy (it is cheap and it will help keep it dry and I can figure out how to hook it to something or build something around it…

It has a built in voice recorder that I haven’t tried out yet (on my to do list for today) which will be great for recording myself thinking while running.  Again… it is light weight and small and if I tried to use all of my electronics during training I would actually weigh 10 pounds more… so even if I don’t use this one for music at the same time as other things, I can use if for the other things…

It has some neat new games, multiple world wide clocks that you can set up (it defaults to California… duh) but you can edit that one (to get it to take the new place, you have to push the round middle button and the “got to the right” button at the same time) and add others.  There are alarms you can set, multiple calendars and a stop watch.

The on screen graphics for each thing are… interesting.  For me, having a microphone picture on the voice recorder or a shutter opening on the video recorder doesn’t add a lot to the experience but it is neat and I know that it wasn’t designed really with people like me in mind, more for people like my kid…

It is actually a rather utilitarian little gadget.

Now… to put it through its paces…

Distance Day

Today was an interesting day.

I was so excited about getting out and hitting it… I got almost everything ready last night… all laid out so it was all ready this morning.  I considered woosing out when I got up but I really wanted to do this so got my butt in gear.

I waited till it was starting to get daylight because I’m dumb but not stupid.  The sun wasn’t the whole way up, but it was daylight enough that I could see what was coming at me and what all was in the surroundings.  I got a couple really pretty shots of sunrise (there is something to be said for the squirrel not liking the smallish light weight camera that we got her… I get to use it when I run and it doesn’t weigh me down too much).

Sunrise

I made it to the big road at just the time that the first hot air balloon headed off.  I got a couple killer pictures of the balloon taking off and floating over the road…. made the bend at the convenience store (after my first drink of water) just as the next balloon team was getting the basket set up for their take off.  Got to see the burner lit as they tested it.  I slowed down to take my pictures, but didn’t opt to sit and watch the team get ready.  Maybe I should have, ordinarily I would have, but I didn’t.  I needed to do the route for some kind of timing.

Balloon over the morningBut it was okay, it was SO worth the day.

The creek where the dog likes to play in the nice cold water was a dry rocky creek bed.  Sad.  It has been such a dry summer and even the rain from night before last didn’t make any difference… but it was interesting to see the flood pole next to a creek that wasn’t even there…

Onward and upward.  Got a couple more pics of the first balloon as I passed the soccer field.

Noticed (duh) that there were an awful lot of cars passing me at 7:20 in the morning even in the park, even on such a beautiful morning (only 72 degrees!!!!).  Figured out in a bit what was going on.  The local fitness training company has a recurring outing in the park every Saturday. I looked up the site when I got home… There was a really nice lady that told me I should join!  Yeah… might actually be nice to join such a group, but not for $100 for 24 weeks… thanks but no thanks…

balloon over runners

It got me thinking (since I was out on my own with no one to talk to and nothing but music in my head and nothing but feet and street) that I don’t know if I would really want to rely on a group (much as I might really enjoy the fellowship of other people like me) for my success.  The reason I took up this kind of exercise is so I don’t have to rely on anyone else’s schedule… any one else for my success or failure.    It would probably be good to have someone to talk to who has been there… who is going through the same stupidity that I am going through, but if I have to pay someone to talk to me (and that person doesn’t have a degree in psychology….) I don’t think it is probably really worth it.

Passing a runner (yeah, she was running, I was only maintaining a fast walk) who waved as she passed made me think that I probably just need to keep up the solitary training… It may not be as safe as running (or walking) in a pack, but as long as I’m careful and keep my cell phone at the ready… it will probably be my best option…

Made the bend at the park, got a picture of the people from the group running across the bridge… balloon in the background… you guessed it, more pictures.

Another drink.

I really love my squat little stainless water bottle.  It fits perfectly in my fanny pack and has just about the right amount of water for a 2 hour outing.

Out of the park and onto the beautiful wide new sidewalk.

Waved at the passing police car (they usually don’t let on they see you, so this one waving was really nice).

passed one couple almost at the point where the sidewalk ends.

took out onto the newly dug up roadbed, so I didn’t have to do the last several hundred yards to the light… it would have been better for my pace to stay on the road…

Tree Nearing the End of my outing

6.75 miles, 1 hour 45 min (including cool down and stretching)

cool bath (SUCKS to not have water come out of the faucet COLD but rather tepid.. ), 2 eggs, a piece of toast and salsa…

Now, an hour and a half later, I’m sitting here thinking about my outing.  I feel wonderful right now.  It was SO worth going out this morning.  I wasn’t overly sweaty (although I did smell like a goat when I got home) during my run.  I’m not terribly sore right now… I love the change in my normal routine..  I’m thinking that this might be a  to do list thing for tomorrow.

Spa treatment from Rainbow Sky

Now, I’m starting to take training more seriously.  I have started to push more and as a result I’ve started to feel sore more and more… muscle sore, tired, achy… enter, spoiling myself with stuff that I’ve gotten from Rainbow Sky.  The online store is an amazing place run by a totally crazy awesomely special lady.

I have started using  BooBoo Balm on my muscles when I start getting sore.  I even use it on my sore feet when I start to feel like I’ve worn my shoes wrong.   It doesn’t smell like a locker room and it rubs in and doesn’t leave you feeling really greasy.  And with the Shea Butter and Cocoa Butter in it, it makes my skin feel better when I’m done, too.  Going to have to splurge on another 5 oz jar before long!  It lasts for a long time if you use it the way that Sky suggests.

I really love Rainbow Sky’s stuff.  She takes such care in her products… I got a small basket of soaps that squirreld away because the homemade soaps make me feel spoiled, too, and I don’t know what is in them, but they clean away the sweaty feeling without drying or being heavy.  The bars last a long time and many of the “flavors” have exfoliate qualities that make me feel all clean and scrubbed without being too rough.

I know is probably isn’t really what a spa treatment is really like, but you know what, it is close and it makes me feel fantastic to do stuff that is good for my body while not adding meds that really aren’t necessary.

Staying Motivated When Life is… well… life…

How does everyone else stay motivated to workout?

When I am at work and the gym is right downstairs and stress is an ever present… THEN it is easy to stay motivated… getting out of the office, working myself into a sweat and then going for a nice cool shower is a heavenly break and way more productive than going out to lunch or working through lunch (which happens at least one day a week plus my work from home day).

But some times (especially when I’m deep in the heart of the second pager week in a row and especially when I’m up several nights running because of the way that the database is behaving) it is so hard to get my butt up and going.

Now, I have to be able to make my Valentines Day deadline for 13.1…

But more important, I feel so much better now that I’m down 30 pounds (and holding) and I can breathe and I am feeling more and more human most of the time.

I look at my kids… and my sibling’s kids… and I think maybe I can be an example to them… if I can do this anyone can if they want it badly enough.  It takes wanting it badly enough, though… and doing it because YOU want to not because someone else wants you to or tries to guilt you into it… because you have decided that you are worth the effort.

And you are worth the effort.  If not you, then who!?!

You really can’t be everything that everyone else wants you to be if you aren’t everything you can be to yourself.

Yeah, I know, I have always rolled my eyes at that one, too.  I have to do X for DS.  I have to do Y for DD.  I have to do W, Z and Q for DH.  Work comes first because if I don’t do whatever it takes for whatever the current most important project I will “Be responsible for costing <the company> a lot of money” (that really is hooey for what it’s worth).  House work, laundry, dinner, work, the other work, yard work… hell, with all of that and everything else, I’m lucky if I have the time to take a shower let alone take time for me (to read a book or take a walk or even just sit in the back yard).

It really is amazing, though, when you realize that your cholesterol is way too high and your not breathing right and that you hurt all of the time and that no matter how many hours there are in a day, the next day really will come with just as many and the one after that… and the one after that… and other people will work to consume all of them for you if you let them.  Say NO to just one thing… folding that load of laundry… doing just one extra thing for the project that really isn’t your job…

Take just five minutes to walk to the end of the block and back.

Walk it for a week, every day.

FEEL the difference after a week or after two.

Feel how you notice the house at the end of the block that won house of the month and see how the weeds are really taking over their yard because they aren’t keeping up with pulling the weeds or trimming around the little fence any more.  Notice the dragon fly that frequents the fence  next door.  Smell the heavenly smell of the people across the street when they start the grill every Friday for dinner.

Soon you will start to really look forward to those five or ten minutes alone time and you will start to feel better and you will come back to the “regular” part of life with a new outlook and things will seem to get done quicker than before.

After the first distance starts to become more effortless, add a little more distance (an extra house or two, the end of the next block).  Notice the new things that you pass.  Take an audio book with you as background, or listen to music that lifts your heart… or that calms your mind.  Eventually you will start to look for music that helps you keep time to your walk or that helps you to keep up with keeping up.

After a few weeks, you may start to notice that you are feeling better, that you’ve lost a couple pounds or that your pants (or shirt…or whatever) fit a little more loosely.

Once you get there, you are half the way.

I don’t suggest that you actually go out and sign up for a marathon (or even a half marathon).  That’s what I just did, but I set that as a goal when Trunk Monkey and my now ex-pet developer (She found a better job) guilt-ed me into going to the gym with them because no one ever went to the gym with them and then they quit going all together… they both said (eyes rolled) that they got me going and I was the only one that was still going and they would see me finishing a marathon one of these days… when they said that, then quit going, I figured I may as well set that as a goal and when I started to loose weight it started to become a goal that started to seem real.

start small

keep at it

and remember

if not you, then who…

Why do I let her get to me?

“hi didn’t open your email about your reg for marathon tell me about it—is it to raise money for something or are you running to run—–good for you!!!!!! love you   let me know!!!!”

Why do I keep letting it hurt?  She can call me THRILLED with how wonderful she is (even when she calls to wish me happy birthday it has “I’m wonderful” associations…) and I duly make note of just how wonderful she is.  In fact the only time she does bother with me is to let me  know where I’m failing in life and where she is MOST wonderful.

I guess I knew it wouldn’t matter to her when I included her.  I guess it was stupid to think otherwise.

This is my first REAL race.  This is my first significant attempt at major fund-raising (which Sister Sue is TOTALLY killer at).

Does any of it matter?  Am I really only here to reflect how wonderful she is?

Feeling sorry for myself is way easier, too, because I’ve not been able to run in 3 days because of pager duty.

LunchTime Run

This morning I pushed through what I had to get done as quickly as I could so I could run at the gym at lunch time.   I got in 30 good minutes before I got called back upstairs to see what some idiot was doing on the database.

Found out it really was an idiot doing something.  Ended up “only” gettng to run 2 miles but at least it was a good two miles.

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

65 min workout this morning.  I’m starting to have to get createive with my routes becuase I’ve hit almost every street in the housing area now and I’m “only” up to Podrunner Intervals Gateway to 8k week 4.  By the time I get to week 8 or 9 I’m going to have to start hitting the same streets over again… or chance running where I’m less comfortable (where there are fewer houses and fewer street lights and that does not excite me at all.

Now, I’m home and STARVING.  I think an egg sounds devine before my shower.

I’m looking forward to the weekend when I can run in the daylight again.

I was talking to one of the women that I did the Race for the cure with last year and she wasn’t sure if she was going to do the timed race this year or not.  I think, even though I’m not “officially” doing what normal people call runing (merely walking at 4.3 to 4.5 mile an hour if the lunch time treadmill is correct) I think timed is where I want to be.  I need to get ready and be more sure if I’m going to try for the half marathons… I don’t want to spend all that money (even if it isn’t a huge amount for the first race) and then end up being swept.

I realized, when I was casting a shadow in the streetlight, that I have a waist.  I’m not sure if it is becuase my butt is really big and my shoulders are broad or if I really do have a waist (Stacey, Clinton… at What Not To Wear… how do I tell if I have a waist???) .  I probably would notice it more if I wore the ‘bike’ shirts more often to run in.  I am glad that they are finally getting some use again (it has been well over a decade since they have gotten any use at all, and I’m finally back down into fitting them).

OH!!! and on the subject of being back down to something… I’m not 178 pounds… that makes my BMI 29.6 and I am back down to “merely” being overweight, I’m no longer considered obese… at least not for a few days until I eat the wrong thing or get my period and end up going back up over the very fine line that I just managed to get below… knock on wood…

Feeling Positive

A positive feeling is a good thing.  Today, after an ENTIRE weekend off from work, I’m feeling very good.

This past week (2 weeks really) were bad because I was on pager patrol and putting in boocoo hours.  Even though, I tried on some Capri pants at the second hand store and realized that, when I’m in a bad mood I totally believe that I look like a hippo.  Mirrors are not your friend… especially when you are tired.  I got totally disgusted and left.  Maybe next year I will be willing to buy a couple pairs of second hand Capri pants… this year I will stick to jeans and khakis.

BUT…

I have run several times in the last week… and I did weights on Thursday.  Yesterday we walked to HEB for koolaid and jelly and chewy bars.  Today we walked to next to walmart for  small one’s orthodontist appointment.  Yesterday afternoon I swam.  This afternoon the kids and I walked down again to swim.  Swimming always makes me feel good and it always tires me out a lot.

Squirrel got a sun tan.  MPOG got a burn on his neck (he swims in his t-shirt).  I got a bit red where my tank top didn’t cover and where my swimsuit didn’t cover.

Swimming made me feel even better.  The LAST last swimming suit I bought (not the newest one… it has big blue flowers and a skirt… but the one before that) fits again and doesn’t make me look massive.  Maybe I don’t look like I used Jenny to loose lots of weight so I want to parade around in a little suit, but I feel like I don’t match shamu when I swim and my splash wouldn’t drench the first 10 rows.

Tomorrow, it is back to realiity.  I want to get up and run (and I feel like I probably will) and maybe workout at lunch time.