Hang Ups

Okay… just giving you fair warning.  This is a rant… one of my pet peeves…  get out if you don’t want to watch.

What is it with people and gender hang ups?  I mean really?

This morning I was skimming through emails and I came across a post to a list by a guy who has a chronic illness and he was asking about prayer shawls.  Is it okay for a guy to get one… shawl sounds girly…

I’m coming to terms with this beast that is now a part of my life… part of what defines me… and you know what… I don’t care if something is called a knitted nut sack… if it will fit a need… if it will make my life in any way better… i will have it.  I will use it… I will wear it… I don’t care.

I have never been one for stereotypes.  Never in my whole life been one to follow the gender appropriate track.  Was the first female FFA president in our town.  I can weld well.  I can change a tire and I can change an oil filter (at least on an older model car… haven’t tried lately).  I’ve been in Information Technology for 16 years.

My kids get this look of utter fear when we are at McDonalds and the person behind the register asks someone if they want a girl toy or a boy toy.  They are smart enough to know that that is one question that is likely to set me off.  They have both been told from day one… there are no girl toys, there are no boy toys.  There are toys.

DS has a stuffed animal collection, plays the violin very well, reads everything he can get his hands on and writes poetry.  He had trucks and dolls when he was little little.  He has to deal with the fact that other parents aren’t quite like me… that other kids figure you have to fit a mold and if you don’t there is something wrong with you.  He gets harassed a lot becuase he doesn’t and only he seems to know how to deal with it.

DD is in ROTC and runs track, competes in flexed arm hang and is working on her rifle skills.  She plays soccer, has roller blades and hockey skates.  She owns exactly 2 dresses… gowns for the military ball because she doesn’t want to wear her uniform and that is her ONLY other choice.  Day to day, it is jeans and t-shirts or sweats and always the black converse high tops.  She’s mine.

Now… back to the rant.

If you are dealing with a chronic disease (heck… no matter what you are dealing with… a cold, a hangnail, or just a crappy day at work…) you have enough real stuff to deal with without having to worry about what other people think.  Do whatever it is that makes life easier… do what comforts you… do whatever… It doesn’t matter WHAT other people think… if THEY don’t like it it is their problem not yours.  If YOU don’t like the word connected with the comfort, change the word.  Heck, I would wear something called a nut sack if it helped me do something or feel better or get me through a rough spot.

Life is too short to worry about other people’s crap.  We have enough crap of our own…

there

rant over…

18 February, 2010 12:43

To all of the doctors office receptionists… if you cant go 45 seconds without blowing your nose or sniffing snot or coughing up a lung… don’t touch my insurance card.  Don’t touch the pen that I have to sign in with.

I have an auto-immune disease…

The least you can do is to have the COMMON COURTESY of washing your hands with that GIANT ECONOMY size alcohol gel bottle’s contents that is sitting two feet from you… even ONCE in the hour that I’m sitting in your waiting room

Finishing totals…

division
female 40 – 44
chip time
3 hours 33 min 32 seconds
overall finisher
8261
female finisher
4907
division place
496
age grade
33.4%
5k time
49:45
ten mile time
2:40:23
final 5K
3:33:32
clock time
3:44:22

Starting to Feel Semi-Human again

Okay… the morning after the day before (aka… the day after the race) wasn’t pretty.  I worked 17 hours.  My hips hurt.  My knees hurt.  My calves hurt.  I walked like a goony bird…

Aleve helped some but not a lot… Prednisone wasn’t so great either.  I just hurt.

Now, several hot baths later and a semi-good night’s sleep (thank you to my Bichon who thinks I’m there to keep her warm and comfortable) and I’m starting to feel semi human again.

Hips are sore (not a 9 like yesterday, more like a 5).  Knees aren’t so bad.  Calves are still pretty sore, but not really so bad… and that is a sore I expected.

People have asked, are you sorry you did it?

NO!!! I finished a half marathon before they closed the course and I actually made it in before some people… I even passed people on the road.

People have asked would I do it again…

Yes, I would.  I’m not sure when.. but I will do it again.

DS wanted to know if I will do the full next year.  Probably not.  The half you only have to average about an 18 min mile.  The full you have to do better than that… Given the hills and the way feel, I’m not sure I can make the minimum expected speed.

A year ago, I wanted desperately to do a half at least, but I had my doubts.  I don’t anymore.

And if I can do it, almost anyone can.

I DID it!

When I signed up for the half marathon… I was still 5 months away from my RA diagnosis.  It wasn’t that I didn’t hurt, I did, but I chalked it all up to over-do-ing working out or sitting with my knee the wrong way.  < insert self deprecation comments here, I’m still beating myself up for not going to the doctor sooner…>.

I asked my Rheumy very nicely if I could still participate.  Not only did she say it was okay, she encouraged it.  She said that, with RA, unlike Osteo or some other conditions, walking if fantastic, it keeps joints moving and smooshes out the extra “juice” from the joints.

So I pushed on.  I know I didn’t push as hard as I should have, but I kept working.

I’m not one to say I can’t… even worse, NO ONE needs to tell me that I can’t.

So I did.

Saturday we went to the Expo to pick up my bib (and backpack… outstanding!!!) and extra goodies that the booths were giving away… things to eat that give you energy for the most part.  DH bought me a charm that says Austin Marathon Austin Half Marathon and on the back it has 2010… in sterling silver.

Awfully sweet and I wore it the whole race.

DS wanted to be there and help… so he signed up to be one of the “Love Team” volunteers.  He worked the clothing dropoff from 5 am to 8 am.

We got up and ready at 3:30 am… drove into town (35 miles into “town”) and weaseled a parking spot in the garage that I park in for work… funny… the garage wasn’t full and it was exactly 5 blocks from the finish line, 12 blocks from the starting line and 3 blocks from where volunteers signed in and got donuts and coffee and t-shirts.  He usually dresses all in black… black jeans… black band t-shirts… black boots… black hoody… the lime green shirt made quite a difference in how he looks.

This is him way after his 5 – 8 shift was over.  He took the race to heart and made sure he actually smiled at runners and cheered people on and took bags from people with a cheery face. He did manage to eat a couple donuts but he isn’t a coffee kind of kid (and they didn’t have tea)

The race was set to start at 7 am.  We got there for his shift at 4:45 and I walked around the nearly deserted streets taking in what was going on.  I was concerned that there were so few people actually there, but I wasn’t taking into account that everyone actually COULD show up at nearly the same time… and that is exactly what they did… DS was a bit overwhelmed that almost all of the 9000 half marathoners showed up at about 6… or a bit after.

I managed to easily walk into the port-a-potty at 6.  I was going to try again at 6:30… but the lines for the bathrooms were ALL the way across the street… each potty had a line, each line crossed Congress avenue the whole way (FOUR lanes).. it was ridiculous!

There was a nice lady who took this picture as I was standing in the spot I would “take off” from.  It was 37 degrees (which according to the TV stations is the perfect running weather in Austin) by 6.

This street was absolutely packed with runners… 4 lanes wide… and 5 blocks deep.  15,000 people… 9000 in the half marathon.

It was a little depressing standing around all alone in the middle of all of these bodies, all of these people who came to watch… but it meant that I didn’t “need” to have to find a way to make small talk while I talked myself into being ready for this… I guess this was pretty much why I took up walking like this, because it is a way to be alone with my thoughts and to loose myself in my thoughts.  It is my “me” time most of the time… it evolved into time to spend with DH on Sunday walks.

7 am the gun went off.

I didn’t hear it.  5 blocks back… you couldn’t really participate in the excitement that was happening at the starting line.  That is too bad.  They really should put speakers further back the corral.  It would have helped a lot to get into the whole morning.  I guess only the elite runners really matter and really need to be a part of the excitement, but it would have been nice.

By 7:10 am I made it to the starting line (so, I can actually subtract 10 min from my ending time).  It was more of a mosey down through town towards the starting line.  Passing piles of clothes all along the way.  Hoodies… blankets… gloves… these would be picked up and sent to charity.

The mosey turned into a run (jog) as people hit the starting line.

Not me.  I walked every step of the way…. Pissed people off in places because I wouldn’t get out of the way… but it was a FOUR lane street and we had all four lanes and there were HUGE spaces for them to get passed me and there were walkers spread out all across the road, so I don’t feel too horrible about being on their road.  I paid as much as they did for my 3 foot square that moves.

SO we were off (all 15000 of us loonies)

I figured out that Austin has some very interesting companies… like Lucy In Disguise… the building is really neat.

I’m not sure what “other people” do when they are doing these things… but I took the opportunity to look at things that I’ve never seen before… some of the things were things I never passed before, others were things that I never passed this slowly before.

It was great.

I had 3 hours and 30 min to reflect on a lot of things.  There wasn’t a lot of “being still” but there was a lot of reflecting…

Water Stops are wonderful things.  I’m not sure why they only put about 1/4 cup of water in each glass… but I made ample use of at least 2 glasses at each stop.  I also had MAJOR problems just dropping the glasses on the ground… I always made sure that I dropped the glasses in the boxes put there for that purpose.

Oh… and… no, it wasn’t raining.  That was from the water making it onto the ground.

I’m still not really sure what the petroleum jelly on a tongue depressor was for.  I didn’t take any at any of the stops.  Now, I keep thinking I don’t know what I was supposed to do with it if I had taken it.

At water stop 10 they gave out bottles of Power Ade.

At water stop 12 they gave out water and power ade.

once in a while there were random people/groups giving out candies or cookies.

It is amazing how much it helps to just have the smile and friendly hand out even if they “have to”…

This is the obligatory tree picture.  One always seems to find its way into pictures I take.  This one, along Lady Bird Lake was just there when I needed th see something great… something peaceful and lasting…. and by mile 7 finding my center was all I was after.

DS caught up to me at about mile 11.5.

By this time, I was seriously starting to have my doubts about being able to finish.  By this time, I had stretched out several times and my hips and toes were really hurting.

Backwards through the course he comes.  He yells “HI” and falls into step beside me.

He said that lots and lots of people were really happy to see him walking the “wrong way” in his LOVE TEAM t-shirt smiling…

I still don’t think he quite understands exactly what it means when you are out there to see a smiling face… to see someone who even seems to be cheering you on.  I know that none of the people I passed were out there for me personally, but they were out there, and that mattered so much…

from the back side of the finish line looking at those coming behind.

I wasn’t the first one to cross by a LONG shot, but I wasn’t the last one to cross either.

The miracle wasn’t that I finished… it was that I had the courage to start.

I did it in about 3 hours and 30 min real time.  Not quite as quickly as I figured, but I hadn’t planned on the mile 11 hill, either… and I did finish and I made a lot of people proud of me.  More importantly…  I made ME proud of me.

There were times when I doubted that I would EVER do it.

Now… I’m thinking I can do it again.

today… I hurt.

my knees ache like RA ache

my hips hurt like I wasn’t ready for the mile 11.5 hill

I don’t have my medal yet… they ran out before I made the finish line.

I don’t have the T-shirt that fits… the one I got is a small and that is SO not going to fit

both of those last 2 will be remedied…

oh.. and here

Is me… Picture taken at about mile 12 by DS who promised to take pictures.  He did.  He’s a good kid.

Anyone interested in all the pictures… they are on my facebook… friend me… and have a look

Okay, the Pity Party is OVER

Sunday was a half an half kind of day… the walk did me good, which it always does… and the meatloaf went over wonderfully.  It had been years since I had made meatloaf and the LAST time the dog ate it for days.  This time, she got a few of the crumbs (different dog) but it all got eaten and it was a big hit.  I was impressed.  I have already had requests to make another one… which I will probably do before too awfully long.

Monday was a HORRIBLE day.  It was rainy, but that just meant it was gray and wet and that usually is a reason, here, to celebrate, even if it kicks the ouchies up a notch.  Work meant that I “got” to play catch up with all of the things that other people were TOO busy to do (like over communicate to the users that they might have issues  after the maintenance that they did… if you have problems… blah blah blah… so who do they turn to?  the stupid one who they know will drop everything and help them with their problems… can you PLEASE adjust the KICK ME sign so it is at least straight on my back?).  While stuff was running I looked at my two hands laying on the table… big mistake.  That kicked in a massive pity party.

My right hand has lumps and bumps and swollen places that my left hand doesn’t have.  I don’t know if, because the overall swelling has gone down (I”m now convinced that this is likely due to prednisone rather than MTX… but I hope I’m wrong) that I notice it more, or if I’m just noticing it. Whatever the reason, it brought on a bout of depression that feels a lot to me like a HUGE pity party and I really don’t like it.

For about two days it was all I could do to not cry and half the time I spent crying and snapping at everyone.

Today, I’m feeling a little better… and I’m trying really hard to kick the blues out.

DD has her QUACKING neurologist appointment today (he quacked when DS went… I keep hoping that he doesn’t quack with her… but we have a long track record with quacking…. so I don’t have a lot of faith).  This means going in to work a bit late.

Half Marathon is in 3 days.  I’m getting psyched.  It is going to be breezy but the sleet, slimy weather should have blown out by then.

I have one question <WARNING WARNING… female question!!!> for anyone who has been on MTX and noticed… did it change your periods?  Mine, which were like heaven sent ones… 2 days tops, light and barely noticeable before… are not an entire week and heavy flow and annoying.  This is one side affect that I could TOTALLY do without… eesh.

Sunday…. Part 2

Laurie and Wren… thank you for the pep talk… helped… and yes, I will definitely update everyone on my big walk Next Week..

And in the mean time (as Dori the fish would say) what do we do… We swim…Just keep swimming… just keep swimming… we just keep swimming on…

Welcome to part 2 of my Sunday.

Just when I was happily sitting feeling semi-sorry for myself… even though I was starting to feel better and more “up”… DH decided that we probably should go for another walk through the park (this equates to 7 miles if you take the short cut through a field and a path rather than fighting the “they are fixing the road” traffic that adds a good mile and a half or 2 miles to the walk).

So here we are… from leaving the housing area, through the park… and back home (complete with muddy walking shoes and toasty fleece lined disney crocs… the during the walk shoes… and the after the SECOND bath shoes).  The second bath was more because I smelled like a goat after the walk (sweat shirt and hoody to stave off the chill and damp).

Now… to guilt the world in to meatloaf (sorry Wren!) and to eat some of the donuts that DH got on the back home swing.

Gallery

Another New Week

It was an incredibly busy week at work (which bespeaks to why I haven’t had the time to post to any great degree…) but now it is Sunday morning… and quiet (I have a giant warm Bichon curled up at … Continue reading

RA Guy post

This morning I was clued in to an article written by RA guy when my facebook went off…

The article is here

It is a really good article and, while more directed to males than females (which I have to admit thinking about it is unusual) that showed up in a UK publication.  It made me think.  It made me think… about what it means to be male… about what it means to be strong… about what it means to have RA.

I try really hard to hide that I have RA.  I work with people not much more than half my age, as a whole and I don’t want to appear to be less than a person.

I work with someone who has back problems who is 5 years older than I am and who 1. often milks the condition and 2. thinks that the world owes him something because he bothers to show up for work even when he has an owie… I don’t want to come off as less than I am or as feeling like I’m owed something just because I hurt.

And I’m not male.

It has to be really hard to be a male with RA in a world that expects so much of you

RA Guy… my hat’s off to you… awesome article

9 miles today

Got up this morning to 30 degrees, cloudy and damp.

It is 2 weeks to my half marathon (I have such a hard time calling it a race since I’m walking in it and since I really don’t figure I will “beat” many people… if anyone) and I know I need to get more and more prepared.  Mentally, I’m not sure I’m prepared but physically I think I will be okay.  Thank goodness for prednisone…

I wore my 15 year old’s sweats (they are nylon and I can get my butt into them now… woohoo) and two, Count them TWO hoodies… and made it 9 miles (including a stop for donuts).

It was a wonderful walk through the park